Michael Cole Holmes

Doug Holmes

I invited the rest of the family to send me any thoughts that they wanted to have expressed. Sharron e-mailed me a note and asked me to “pick any of her muddled words that make sense.” With apologies to you Sharron I will not pick out a single word. Here is her note.

To Brent and Ashley, I am so blessed and proud that you are mine.

To Derek, Angela, Carolyn. You are cherished.

To all of the young people who shared Mike’s life, from nursery school through high school and university, in Scouts, in Outers, in Rowing. From Erin, Tobermory, Peterborough and St. Catherine’s and all the points between and beyond,

To all the young people who are sharing the pain of Michael’s leaving us way too soon, I want to repeat the sentiments that Michael’s university classmates shared so beautifully with me at Brock last week. “Just get out there and do it”. This is your time to celebrate life, to seize it with both hands and squeeze out every ounce of joy that is there for the taking.

I want you to be inspired by Michael’s spirit and not crushed by the tragedy of his leaving us so young. Every day that we had Mike with us was a miracle. His life was a perilous journey from day one. He faced huge challenges just to survive. Each and every day of your lives are a miracle too. Your challenges may not on the surface appear to have been as daunting as some of the things that Michael faced but I know that for you to be the bright and accomplished and loving young people that you are today you too have met the challenges in your lives.

Michael drew close to him only the best people. You are precious to us all. For all of us who love Michael…. We want you heal quickly and completely. Know that we are with you every step of the way. We want you to keep on dancing. We need you to keep on dancing. You are loved.

It has taken a huge community to give Michael the best possible life. You are all here today… I thank you……….

On behalf of my sister Sharron, my Mom, and the rest of the family, I would like to thank all of you for coming to share some time with us. There are people here from all aspects of Michael’s life. People from Erin where he was born, from Tobermory where he spent most of his school years, from the Peterborough area where he finished high school and rowed, many people from St. Catherine’s and Brock University where he has been truly thriving these past 3 years. There is family and of course, friends. Each one of us has something to offer the others, and that something was given to us by Michael. Let’s share that today.

Mike’s brother Brent pointed out last week that people often underestimated Mike. At times I think we were all guilty of it.

His very survival through the first weeks of life surprised hospital staff. He spent his first 5 months in hospital, struggling to survive through many cardiac and respiratory arrests.

After 5 months, Sharron insisted that she wanted her son to come home. The hospital was reluctant because they were afraid he would be going home to die.

The tracheotomy was problematic for his release from hospital. The hospital rule is that they will not release a young patient unless at least two caregivers are trained in the maintenance and emergency procedures regarding the trach. Here they underestimated the Holmes family. They thought that he would remain in hospital because, although it is inconceivable to us, there are families who will not take the training.

The hospital was overwhelmed as the lineup formed to receive the training. In all, about 10 family members and friends were trained. Later, hospital staff admitted that Michael was the most severe case of Treacher-Collins Syndrome to survive at all, and here he was, going home earlier than most. It was not easy. Every breath he took and every ounce of weight he gained was only through the sheer will power and prayer of the family. My brother came over after work one day when Michael was very young and said “this family is really lucky to have him”. How right he was.

The next medical underestimation came when diagnostic tests showed that Mike had none of the requisite internal structures to allow him to hear. He will be profoundly deaf. Once again that lineup formed, this time to learn sign language. After several months of sign language classes, we realized he was not deaf. I think his friends at Brock, who describe his dancing in terms of awe, would agree, he was anything but profoundly deaf.

As he grew older and underwent multiple surgeries and procedures (many of which were pioneering), we watched this painfully thin, delicate body slowly develop; another underestimation. We were worried that there were so many things that poor Michael would never be able to do.

-Like swimming. He could swim- he just didn’t like cold water.

-He was too fragile to let him climb like other kids. (He became an excellent rock climber)- I think his interest in Spiderman developed as a kinship.

-We worried he may be too delicate for sports. His summer job for 2 years was in Tobermory. His schedule involved outrageous hours that he endured without complaint as long as it did not interfere with the Wednesday night Ultimate Frisbee game. He arranged his university schedule to allow him to play every intramural softball game. When Sharron and the kids moved to Peterborough from Tobermory, the kids took up rowing. Michael soon earned the nickname ‘The Machine’. He was the hardest working young rower the club had seen. This skinny kid had a giant heart and while others would row to exhaustion, Michael continued rowing until they told him to stop. His impact on the rowing club is only equaled by his brother and sister.

Last Friday, the Dramatic Arts Department of Brock University hosted a celebration of Michael’s life. It was a proud moment for those of us in the family who attended, to see that we were not the only ones who knew how special Mike was. His friends and classmates spoke of his courage, his capacity for friendship, and the ability to put people at their ease. The Sean O’Sullivan Theatre at Brock was all but full. There were tears everywhere you looked; at least it looked that way through my tears.

The last day of Michael’s life was spent exactly where he wanted to be.

A week ago Friday, Michael and the rest of his theatre class completed their final performance of TROY. This play is an adaptation of two plays, Trojan Woman and Tiger at the Gates. I was lucky enough to be there to watch the performance with my family. My mother, and my family all enjoyed watching Michael perform with his class. After the performance, we took Mike out for dinner where we talked about the play and caught up on news. In talking about the play, Mike told us that his character, PRIAM, the last King of Troy, had his favorite line. He was to say…

“A MAN HAS ONLY ONE WAY OF BEING IMMORTAL ON THIS EARTH:

HE HAS TO FORGET HE IS MORTAL”

I think Michael forgot he was mortal a long time ago.

~~~~

Eulogy for Michael Cole Holmes

Written by close friend, Ryan Levia

In University, Mike was more commonly known as Mikey, and he was thought of as the kind of individual who lived his dreams. Many of us live our lives sometimes looking back asking questions.. did we follow our heart? Did we pursue what we longed to do? Did we truly overcome the obstacles that blocked our way? Mikey was a man who followed his heart, dancing to every beat, who overcame obstacles, and lived his dreams each day.

His major at Brock University was theatre, but his passions really revolved around many different arts.

Over his years at Brock, he contributed largely to our arts community through his drawing, directing, and acting. His comics were featured in the Brock press newspaper. The paper decided to reprint one of his works as a tribute to him this past week. This year alone, he had taken on several directing projects. One of which was a scene that he had written and directed himself, and was later presented in our studio this winter. In this semester alone, he had acted in the school mainstage production of Tenko, and had achieved his first speaking role in the production of Troy... somewhere in this mess of busyness, he still found the time to collaborate with a friend and begin creating a personal film project.

Mikey was also the kind of person who did a lot of firsts.. The day that I had my audition for the theatre program at Brock along side of him, he was the first in a group of 40 strangers to volunteer to do his performance piece. I remember admiring him and feeling inspired by his guts.. I then felt compelled to volunteer to perform second.

When we lived on the same floor in residence together, he was the first person to show spirit, volunteering to paint our floor flag. He was the first man on the dance floor on friday night, the first one to jump into a pool... and when all of his friends loved to play ultimate frisby, he was the first one to organize a team and put things together.

Most importantly, Mikey inspired everyone he came into contact with. Just this week a friend of mine shared a story with me of when she had been filming with Mikey for his movie. It was a freezing cold day, where it was raining and everyone was waiting for filming to beginthey were starting to get very wrestless. A few moments later, Mikey walked around the corner with a camera in hand, wearing shorts and a hawaian shirt. He smiled and said, 'Hello Ha... you better have your lines memorized!'. People could'nt help but have a blast on that day.

Last Friday, Brock held a memorial for Mikey.. during which at one point, people who knew him could come to the stage and share a thought or memory about him.

One of my favourites was shared by a close friend of ours named Josh. He started by admitting that before he had met Mikey, he was himself a sociophobe.. someone who was afraid of people and crowds.. Josh would walk down halls thinking people were staring at him, when really they weren't, and he always thought that everyone had hated him. Because of the way Mikey came into this world, he would walk down the halls, and sometimes people really would stare at him. The difference with Mikey, was that he didn't care, and he just walked around as though everyone loved him, and the truth became that everyone did.

I'd like to finish off talking about Mikey with a thought of him I shared during his memorial on Friday. Me and a big group of people from our floor in first year residence would usually meet in the dining hall for dinner and some conversation. That year, me and Mikey had almost every class together, and one particular day when we had missed the group, we were talking just the two of us.

Somehow in this conversation, we wandered onto the topic of timelessness. Human beings are so fragile, and perhaps because of that, we desire to live beyond our own lives. Maybe this is why our instincts urge us to have children, continuing ourselves on in the lives of others.

But when is a person timeless? When do they live beyond their life? Perhaps it is when they write a book, or create a piece of art, or when they have children... but as I got talking to Mikey that day, we began realizing that there is really a whole entire different world of timelessness then all of this. Every time you talk to a person, or you touch their life, it creates a domino effect in all of the lives connected to them.. like a series of connect the dots that change each person.. while somehow leaving your fingerprint behind.. Its true that Mikey will be remembered and treasured for the performances he did, the drawings he made, the film he created.. but its when I looked around at the two hundred people at his memorial, and it is when I look around at all the people in this room today, that I realize that Mikey touched the lives of so many. That Mikey was timeless. Mikey is timeless.

~~~~

HOLMES HERON, Michael Cole - Suddenly at St. Catharine's General Hospital, on Saturday, March 12, 2005. Michael, formerly of Peterborough, Tobermory and Erin, age 22 years.

Beloved son of Sharron Holmes. Loving brother of Brent and Ashley of Peterborough. Cherished grandson of Helen Holmes of Caledon, and the late Robert Holmes. Dear nephew of Carol Watton of Woodland Beach, Doug and Dana Holmes of Guelph and Jackie Weigh of Cambridge. Sadly missed by cousins Derek, Angela and Carolyn. Also survived by father Doug Heron of Brampton.

A Memorial Service celebrating Michael's life was held at the BUTCHER FAMILY FUNERAL HOME, Erin, Ontario on Wednesday, March 23rd at 1:00 pm. Donations can be made in memory of Michael, through Brock University, St. Catharines, L2S-3A1, which has established a Memorial Book Fund. Tributes may be made online at www.mem.com