Mary Helen Gaffner

The family wishes to extend its thanks to all of you who attended the services. They also thank those who sent flowers or gave to "the Gaffner Memorial Fund" at Bethel Grace Baptist Church.

Mom’s Final Day

By Paula Strome

Well, the beautiful graveside and memorial services are over now. Special thanks to everyone at Mom’s church (Bethel Grace Baptist of Bellflower, California) for their help in making those services special! Also, thanks so much to Glenn Kittinger for his heartfelt (and appropriate joy-filled!) eulogy!

I told you at the memorial service that I would make available at this website information about Mom’s final day. I visited Mom, as usual, on Tuesday, February 1, in the afternoon and early evening. She was weak, but could talk. I helped her drink a nutrition drink and some milk, which gave her some color and some renewed strength. The nurse thought Mom would be OK the next morning, so I left in the early evening.

Tuesday, February 2, 2011, was Mom’s final day. When the morning nurse came on duty, she found Mom to be extremely weak. Since Mom wasn’t on hospice, the nurse sent her to ER in Los Alamitos. Rick and I met her there. The staff there gave her great care, and answered all our questions. Tests revealed that Mom had probably had a mini-stroke. She could no longer form clear words, but could respond to yes/no questions. She definitely recognized me, and tried to answer my questions. She was not in pain. At this point, we put her on hospice. She was to be taken back to her nursing home about 2 hours later.

Meanwhile, I talked to Mom, kissing her, and telling her what a great mom she had been. I told her I appreciated her giving us the love of reading, working hard to send us to Christian schools, and having introduced us to faith in Jesus Christ. I stroked her hand and her hair. I asked her if she was ready to see Jesus, and Dad, and her sister Kathleen (who had just passed away 2 weeks earlier). Rick kissed her and told her she was the best mother-in-law ever!

The ER was noisy. So I sang to Mom. I’m no great singer. But it was a precious time. Here are the songs that I remember singing to her: “Jesus, Name Above All Names”, “Blessed Assurance”, “I Love You, Lord, and I Lift My Voice”, What a Friend We Have in Jesus”, “Great is Thy Faithfulness”, and “The Lord’s My Shepherd, I’ll Not Want”. A nurse sitting nearby observed all this, and said how sweet it was.

Carol came about an hour or so later. She sat near Mom and talked to her and spent an hour or so with her. I don’t remember all that Carol said or did. At this point, things were kind of a blur for me. Carol said her good-bye’s to Mom there in the ER, when the ambulance drivers came to take Mom back to her nursing home.

The ambulance drivers were extremely gentle. Still, it was too bad that Mom had to be transported so many times on her last day. But once we decided to go with hospice, the ER had to send her back. In the ambulance, I played some music for her that was on my Palm Pilot. I have lots of Christmas music on it, and lots of contemporary Christian music, but not much in the way of traditional hymns. I did, however, find an Amy Grant rendition of “Softly and Tenderly, Jesus is Calling” for her to listen to. She probably heard that song 6 – 8 times that day. It had been an old “invitational” hymn in the Baptist church I grew up in. We would sing it over and over, while inviting people to come forward to accept Jesus as Savior. But wow—how appropriate it turned out to be for a saint who is about to make their final journey to see Jesus. By all means, Google it. Have a hankie ready when you do. That song will always have a special place in my heart now.

We arrived back at the nursing home about 12:45 or 1 PM. By the time they got her all settled in bed (and dressed in her favorite “gumdrop” PJ’s, it was probably about 1:30 PM. Her favorite worker there, Carmen, came in and took her hand, and gave Mom a tearful good-bye. Mom loved Carmen, and hated for Carmen to even have a day off!

I put on the CD of her favorite hymns. All morning, her breathing had been labored. It just became weaker and weaker. I wasn’t even aware when she actually passed into eternity, even though I was there the whole time, stroking her hand. But a nurse noticed. She came back with another nurse, noting the time of her passing as 2 PM. Mom passed into eternity on 2/2/2011 at 2 PM.

I count it a privilege to have been with Mom through her last several hours. It always happens that way in the movies. But I think that it’s rare in real life. Thank-you, God, for having blessed me in that way!

And now, how about you? Will you see my mom again in eternity? Mom would want me to tell you how you can be sure. Following are some verses from the Bible (paraphrased by me”) that explain the way. May you take them to heart.

Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Ephesians 2:8 – 9 “For by grace you have been saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves. It is the gift of God, not of works, that no one should boast.”

Revelation 3:20 “Behold, I [Jesus] stand at the door and knock. If any one hears My voice, I will open the door and come in to him, and dine with him, and he with Me.”

John 1:12 “But to as many as received Him, He gave the right to become the children of God, even to them that believe on His Name.”

I John 5:11 – 13 “He who has the Son, has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. These things have I written to those who believe, that they may know that they have eternal life.”

Mary Helen Gaffner

By Paula Strome (daughter)

Mary Helen was the second oldest of five sisters: Betty, (Mary Helen), Patricia, Kathleen, and Dorothy. Born in Peoria, Illinois at the beginning of the Great Depression, she had a difficult childhood. In fact, she often said that when the family moved into the housing projects, it was a step up: it was the first time they had indoor plumbing! The family often went without food. One Christmas, the family had had nothing to eat for a full week. They also had no coal for heat. But on Christmas Eve, the Salvation Army showed up with coal, blankets, and gifts for the children!

Mary Helen also suffered from several difficult diseases as a child. She had Scarlet Fever, and all her hair fell out. She also had Tuberculosis, and was sent all alone to a TB asylum when she was only seven years old. Worst of all was that she was paralyzed with Polio and had to miss most of the third grade. Third grade was when you learned to multiply. So Mary Helen would joke that that was why she wasn’t any good at math!

But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! That, together with her religious upbringing, made Mary Helen a strong woman.

In her early twenties, Mary Helen met a young man named Don on a blind date. The next day, she told everyone at work that she had met the man she was going to marry. Five weeks (yes weeks later), they were married. Their marriage lasted forty-eight years, at which point Don passed away from liver cancer. Though Mary Helen knew Don was with Jesus, she continued to miss him the rest of her life.

The marriage brought 3 children. Paula is married, and is now retired from teaching math and computer studies at Bakersfield College. Carol is the Reading Program Specialist at Long Beach City College. Charles, unfortunately, is disabled and so unable to work. All three reside in Southern California.

Mary Helen was ahead of her time in a few interesting ways. After high school, she worked around one of the very first computers! It occupied a full room and was very noisy! Another way in which she was ahead of her time was that she taught herself the La Maze method of giving birth in 1952. Finally, she was into vitamins and exercising long before it was cool! In fact, her niece, Judy, said that Mary Helen is probably up in Heaven now working out with Jack La Lanne (who passed away at about the same time)!

Because Mary Helen had three young children to raise, she did not want to take a job outside the home. So she became a licensed day-care provider. During the course of more than thirty years, she cared for approximately thirty children, from infants to seven years old. She probably potty-trained most of them!

The most important aspect of Mary Helen’s life was her relationship with Jesus Christ. In fact, she is Billy Graham’s spiritual daughter! One night, at Reverend Graham’s invitation, she kneeled in front of her television set to receive Jesus as her Savior. The Bible verse Romans 3:23 is what convinced her that she needed to have Jesus take her sins away: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Mary Helen had thought that she was good enough on her own. But she realized she wasn’t as good as God!

Though Mary Helen slipped into eternity peacefully (February 2, 2011, at 2 PM), her last months were not happy ones. But her faith in Jesus Christ assures us that she is happy now in God’s presence. She would implore you to accept God’s gift of salvation through Jesus’ sacrifice as well. Then we will all be part of a glorious reunion in Heaven someday! Ephesians 2:8 – 9: “For by grace you have been saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves. It is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast.”

Arrangements under the direction of Westminster Memorial Park Mortuary ~FD1030, Westminster, CA.