Elise Kopala Carter

Elise Carter- what words can anyone write to describe such an incredible light? When I sat down to write this tribute, many things kept spinning around in my mind- how could I put in words what she has meant to so many or describe the extent of the loss we all feel! It is impossible. I could write 100 pages and it wouldn't be enough.

Elise Carter was a princess in the literal and figurative sense of the word. She was born to Suzanne Djeugo and Phillipe Kamgo in Nkongsamba Cameroon and was the daughter of royalty in Cameroon. She would often tell me about her mother and sisters and tribe. Her tribe were intelligent and business savvy people and Elise absolutely was smitten with all those genes. She was one of the oldest siblings in the family the 4th daughter of a large family of 11 children and the daughter of the King in her region.

As a young girl she always dreamed BIG and of a better life for herself and her family. She was ambitious and self-made. After finishing University, she left her family home in Cameroon and took her sisters to live in Paris. This incredible girl helped raise herself and her sisters there for several years before daring to find a way to move to the USA. Anyone who has had the privilege of knowing her deeply will appreciate what an amazing feat it was for such a young girl to leave her family and forge a new life for herself. She would tell me that she was laser focused to gain a better life for her entire extended family and she would fearlessly back herself in so many situations that any normal person would be too overwhelmed to even try. This chapter of her life could be a book in itself if all was to be told.

It was in Paris that she had her son Kevin, the absolute love of her life. She would often tell me that she wanted the best for Kevin and she knew she could not get this for him while living in France. So this amazing single mom left for the USA with her young son and when she arrived, she again set about developing a life without any family, friends or help on the ground.

Elise found a job at MCI, and it was there that she first saw Michael. She would tell me that she had her eye on him from the beginning but Michael was too shy to ask her out so she hatched a plan. In true Elise, self-made style, she approached Michael one day and said, “how about you and I go on a date tonight after work.” She relayed to me that Michael was the typical nerd at that time, shy, poorly dressed and could never muster up the courage to ask her out but she said Ï knew that the nerd was the perfect husband. They were kind, they were great providers and the nerd would only see you as a woman”of their dreams for life. “ She later said to my daughter…”choose the nerd Mignon because all other women are mean to the nerd.”

She would speak so lovingly about her Michael, the most caring and wonderful husband who supported her in all her desires, helped her extended family and gave her everything she wanted. To Michael, Elise was not just a princess, she was his Queen. Elise once told me about her early dating years with Michael, she said that he started out not a great dresser but she knew how to fix that. She would throw away one of his shoes and when he looked and could not find it, she would say “lets buy yourself some nice shoes together because the others are lost now honey.” “These new shoes would inevitably be the latest style. hahah This was her self made way. Everyone she came in contact with, she was able to gently script and improve just by being in her presence.

Not that Michael really needed any improvement. For Elise, he was the perfect husband. He was gentle and kind and willing to care and give to so many people who were not even related to him. Together, he and Elise had a revolving door of people who lived with them and whom they cared for and helped get started in their life.

Elise was very focused about her mission to help her family back in Cameroon; but not only them, any person who had a need that would cross her path. She knew that if she was able to help one person in each family, they could in turn help their own families and this would magnify her efforts. Michael was her right hand person for this and together they worked to support people through education, or found them jobs and the odd husband here or there. Her door was always open to those in need, including giving money and sending clothes and paying bills for others.

When I met Elise and Michael they had Killian who was 5 and Kyiani who was just a baby. Michael and Elise worked extremely hard in those years and we would often laugh about the many business antics that Elise would get up to. She would always be willing to give the underdog a go and there were times she had more ex prisoners as employees than regular folk. When I asked her whether she was scared to do that, she said “”absolutely not because people just need to be given a second chance and I have found that when you believe in people, they rarely let you down.”

In those years when her children were young, I can say honestly that no one worked harder than Elise. She was laser focused to help Kevin become a doctor and she was so immensely proud when he got into Med School and then graduated from USC. She would always say, “my son is a doctor and this is why I came from France so that he and all my children could have a better life.” Sometimes we would talk about the rising costs of living in America and wonder if all this struggle was worth it but she would be resolute and say, if all I have at the end of my life is my children and Michael and I live in a little bedroom with them, I would be completely happy. This was the type of girl our Elise was.

In 2016 the entire family moved to CA. Again they made this difficult decision to uproot themselves and move west from Colorado because she felt this would afford them a better life. There were many years where Elise would work long days in Los Angeles while Michael worked and cared for the family in Cherry Valley. I had the privilege of staying with Elise at that time in Los Angeles and she again spoke of her focus to work this way, even being apart so that she would earn money for her family and ensure a better life for them. I never knew a harder worker or a more talented sales woman.

Living in the USA as a black woman, there are the inevitable biases and racism that one encounters in life and also the work environment. Elise would tell me of the many times she would be discriminated against but quickly follow this with comments like “ but I have learned that I just have to work twice as hard to get that position. Being black is never an excuse for poor performance” I heard her teach her daughter this also and it was so lovely to hear.

For Elise her children and Michael were everything. She would brag about her son Killian and his natural leadership abilities. I see so much of Elise in Killian, he has the ability to make everyone in the room feel welcome, he is confident and smart and personable just like his mother and, always the life of any party. As for Kiyani, she is the smartest girl I know. She is considered; and a deep thinker, quiet and warm. Last year Elise and MIchael celebrated there 23rd wedding anniversary where she wrote on her Facebook that Michael was lucky to have her as she was the best woman she knew!!! I laughed so hard at this. Only Elise could write it this way. The truth is- she knew keenly and told me on many occasions that Michael was perfect for her. The very best of Elise is displayed in all her three children and will live on in them as a tribute to their mother.

Elise was the powerhouse of her family, a big passionate driven guiding light, the North Star of the Carter family. She would set the family's direction and everyone would love her and follow along with this direction. The Captain of her ship, she was able to navigate through any stormy waters and find the good path for all. Every year she would rally everyone to celebrate her birthday with a new gown and a fantasy night of dancing. Everyone would get dolled up in a new outfit and together they would celebrate her like the Queen she was in the home.

In her last days she spoke to me about dying. She was not afraid. She told me that she has done all she wanted to achieve in life and she did a good job and helped everyone she could. She said her mother and father would be proud. Her only concerns were for her children….and that they knew she was so proud of them. She didn't want us to rush following her to heaven because she would watch for us and she assured me that we each have a role to play here on earth first.

Our Elise, beautiful, talented, driven, self-made. Kind, purposeful, smart, warm. Selfless. The hole that is left here on this earth without her is gigantic. We ask ourselves how we can go on without her but secretly we know that we must because in doing this we honor all the sacrifices she has made to get us to this point in our life.

Our darling Elise, wife, mother, sister, aunty, friend- irreplaceable you. Your beauty will never fade now. To us you will remain that regal princess whose style is Parisian, whose brilliance is Cameroonian and whose entrepreneurship was American. You will never fade, and we will honor all the lifetime of sacrifices you made for each of us by making your own life here on earth count. Elise came into this world as a princess and left as a Queen.

Fond memories and expressions of sympathy may be shared at www.weaver-mortuary.com for the Carter family.