November 28,2014 
Remember Me (with smiles and laughter)
REMEMBER ME
I want to reach out to my family, to my friends, to those who loved me. I know for my family, who always stuck by my side that I turned their lives upside down and they are struggling to come to terms with this. Eternity is an incredible chapter that I will share with them. For my beautiful niece Piper I want her to know that I am the one she hears softly strumming my guitar and quietly singing at night while she sleeps. As she grows I will sit on her shoulder and always be there for her. For my friends who touched a part of my life during all the various stages, your friendship came with me.
When you remember me it means that you have carried something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of who I am on who you are. It means that you can summon me back into your mind even though I am gone. It means that when we meet again, you will know me. You can still see my face and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart. For as long as you remember me I am not entirely lost.
Live your life to the fullest, be happy, for then with every breath you take, you will be taking one for me.
Now that I am gone, remember me with smiles and laughter. And if you need to cry, cry with your brother, sister, father or friend who walk in grief beside you. And when you need me, put your arms around anyone and give them what you need to give me. There are so many who need so much. I want to leave you something-- something much better than words or sounds. Look for me in the people I've known or helped in some special way. Let me live in your heart and soul as well as in your mind. You can love me most by letting your love reach out to our loved ones, by embracing them & living in their love. Love does not die, people do. I did. So, now all that's left of me is love, give me away as best you can.

Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn't happened, a whole set of things never would have either?  Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that gained momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again.  Don't ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever. 
I never knew what real grief was--I've been learning along the way. Every single day is a struggle. I stumble and fall many times. We are never going to be the same again and our life as we knew it is gone. It is virtually a new life and finding out who we are supposed to be. You don't get past it, you don't get through it.  You can only learn to adapt to this new life after loss.
My loss is personal. My heartache and memories are mine and no one can take them from me. I am homesick for a place I am not sure even exists, one where my heart is full, my soul is understood and Michael is still alive. That place is in my memory.
 I've learned to coexist with my grief, I don't know another way to put it.  It is part of my life now.  I work hard at trying to appreciate what is, rather than focusing on what isn't...yet there are still times that it crashes in on me and hits me with full force. Grief can be exhausting because it takes much work to keep on your feet and your heart patchedworked from the pieces. Much effort goes into trying to heal and adjust to the changes that loss brings with it.  It has been such a hard journey, a journey of great effort and sorrow. I am devastated by this loss but also know that Tim, Heather, Piper are also caught in this whirlpool of grief and if we hold on to each other we will learn to tread the waters again. God obviously has a plan for me and someday I hope He lets me in on it. Michael, you are missed and you are loved. That will never change. I felt the moment your heart stopped and mine kept beating.

I cannot explain how much I miss seeing your face, hearing your laughter-Hearing your voice.  There is not a minute that goes by that I don't think about you or want to share something with you.  Go figure, the Cubs won the World Series and I thought about how I wanted to share those moments with you.  I still find that I want to search for you and I pray every night for a call from you. I miss you more than I thought was humanly possible and more than you would ever know. I am sad without you.  The absence of your presence is more than I thought I could ever bear.
The path I have to follow is nothing the way I imagined our life. A father should not be divided from his son.   When you were little I was once told that one day I was going to understand the meaning and depth of the love a father has for his son.  They say a father carries pictures where his money used to be.  Well, now I carry memories where my heart used to be.
Losing someone so special was the most difficult thing I have ever had to bear and it is unbelievable that you are no longer physically here with me.  I try to take comfort in all of the memories I have of you and the joy you brought into my life.  You were the shining star I reached for and now I believe that you are always right there in my heart. You left behind a trail of tears and the sunshine in your smile is what I have left to hold on to. Nothing will ever compare to the pain of losing you. I hide my tears when I say your name.  Our family chain is broken here on this Earth but one day we will be together and that chain will be as it was meant to be.  I love you Michael, with every ounce of my being. 


Love You

Just the other day I was watching the ATeam and Mr.T and the Fridge from the Chicago Bears were on the screen together. It made me think of you and the conversations we had hanging out together. Missing your wit and friendship.

Dianne and family-
 I am sorry I missed Michael's angel date and I know that you all anguish through those calendar dates. With every special occasion we find ourselves drifting back towards thoughts of our beloved child. That is the new normal. We cannot let others direct us as to how we should deal with this. As well intentioned as they may be...they will never get it unless they go through it themselves...and so they are not in a position to offer advice. With time we are expected to pick ourselves up and keep on as if nothing has happened. It makes it less stressful for them to witness. We all know that we will never be able to go back as if nothing has changed. It has. And so we slowly go about working through our loss in our own way. We make friends and also lose many. We irritate our extended families often as they just want to be able to go back to their own lives  without having to feel that they need to offer support. Their families are intact and it makes them feel somehow guilty. We keep getting up each day and putting one foot in front of the other. Time passes quickly and before long the days turn into years. It still seems like only yesterday to us. We have learned new ways to cope and hide our pain. But the biggest thing that I have learned is that I can do this my way. I know I will see my son again. I know he is dead. I also know that this life is temporary for all of us. I lean on my faith when I am feeling at my lowest. I hold fast to the knowledge that I will be with him again one day. Somehow, that helps me to carry this awful loss and makes it bearable.
Wishing you, your husband and daughter peace and comfort.

Michael,
 Your death changed me. The world moves forward and I often stand in the shadow, broken and shattered into pieces. I have finally realized that this is real and you have gone on to another place where I can only see you in my dreams.
The day you died I became somebody new.This somebody is a totally different person, someone I never imagined I would be. I always seem to cry more than I ever could.  I break down alot at the mere mention of your name. My heart hurts everyday and the pain never really goes away. I have been told that someday my thoughts of you will bring happiness as your memories will touch me kindly. But until then I know that my child was taken way too soon from this life, my heart is broken and I am a grieving mother marking the second year of losing you.

Michael is once again missing physically in this holiday of Thanksgiving. But I am thankful for all I had of him in my life--all of the love and joy and even the trials and tribulations for they were all a part of him. I feel the sadness creep into my heart and the emptiness that now looms over his place there.  No matter the date on the calendar, Thanksgiving will always be intertwined with his loss and his memories as it was two years ago that our lives were turned upside down with his loss the day after Thanksgiving. I will take the time today to sit and talk with him, remembering so many things about him that were every day occurrences and remembering the little things that made him special. It is my time to be thankful for having him a part of me. For those moments the empty chair will be once again a place for him to laugh that wonderful laugh of his and to remember. I will not think about coping with grief or worry about whether I am crying for the 500th time today.  I will just be. And when I am ready to view that chair being once again empty, I will go and hold my wonderful husband and virtually hold my beautiful daughter and granddaughter and be thankful for them.  And, as always, thankful for the compassionate man that is my son in law.

I remember happy. This was when we were a family of four with us against the world together. Happy was having both of my children here and not carrying around the memories of your death. Most of the time I cannot say the words but the tears flow frequently still.If I am fortunate I may at some point get moments of happiness in what is left of my life but I just cannot buy that the true happiness I felt once will be back in this lifetime.  I miss you so. This is truly a never ending nightmare. We have our beautiful Piper who is surrounded by a halo of joy and she is the most compassionate 3 year old you would ever know. Someone actually said to me how could I still be mourning since it is almost two years since we lost you. Amazing that someone could be so cruel. I will not waste time trying to convince anyone of the scars on my soul. My heart and soul is broken. But so many of your friends have reached out to us, Tom, Chuck, Eric(both), Ryan-- they check in on us and you have no idea how much that means. Life just didn't turn out how I envisioned. I have been told that someday it will not hurt this badly but I admit I do not believe that.  What I do believe is that you are with me. I miss you son, with every breath I take.

September 5th is a special day for parents who have lost a child--this is their message:
"Today is a special tribute to all parents of child loss.  Unless you've walked in these shoes, you don't understand at all the courage, stamina, and strength it takes simply to get up and out of bed when the light to your heart has been darkened.  To know that you will never get to say "I love you" to your child in person again is to have your heart shred into a million pieces.  To hear the news that your child is gone, is to hear the noise of hell -- that blackness that cannot be described.  To wake up each day with a pit in your stomach that tells you, "There is something big missing in your life" takes the courage of an entire army to continue to go on.  Parents are misunderstood, wrongly judged, and often forgotten as they face the lonely battlefield of child loss day after day.  Today, let us remember that it takes courage, strength, and stamina that is beyond human understanding to face each new day without a child.  This is only part of what parents of child loss face every day of their lives.  God bless each and every one!"

Michael, you are missed every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

Miss you my brother, thank you for the laughs.

Michael, I have learned so much about the difficulties managing your loss.  I miss you with every breath I take.  The pain is so indescribable. If it is possible it hurts more now than it did on that awful day.
The secret world I live in...
Where others have no clue
Where pain lives on inside me
Where dreams went on with you

The secret world I live in...
Where memories are bittersweet
Where missing you is endless
Where life is incomplete

The secret world I live in...
Where tears now flow with ease
Where questions have no answers
Where I'm treated as diseased

The secret world I live in...
Where others think I'm fine
Where a mask is worn as armor
Where I look for daily signs

The secret world I live in...
Where laughter causes pain
Where happiness eludes me
Where I often feel insane

The secret world I live in....
Where I've learned how to deny
Where grief is never ending
Where forever I'll ask why

The secret world I live in...
Where you are always missed
Where sleep may bring a visit
Where your spirit does exist

The secret world I live in...
Where others have no clue
Where pain lives on inside me
Where dreams will not come true. 

My heart lies in a thousand pieces. It is 21.5 months since our world turned upside down

For Tim as he faces another Father's Day remember that men are grieving fathers but grieve differently than women Those fathers need attention too whether to talk when they can or simply sit quietly

It must be very difficult
To be a Man in grief, 
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult 
to stand up to the test,
And field calls and visitors so she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's alright,
And what she is going through
But seldom take your hand and ask
"My friend, but how are you?"
You hear her crying in the night
And think your heart will break,
You dry her tears and comfort her
But "stay strong for "her sake".
It must be very difficult to start each day anew,
To try and stay so very brave--
You have lost your son too.

Peace and comfort to you.

Today is so full of memories, Michael. I loved you before I even met you in the flesh.  But I felt every move you made and knew you would change my life forever. From the very day you were born you knew you had my heart. I can still close my eyes and see you at play,or concentrating on something or asleep in your boyhood bed. Now I see you in Heaven sitting on a cloud strumming your guitar. Asking if I miss you would be like asking to count the drops in the oceans. Never ending. What I wouldn't trade to hold you one more time! But, now, I will be counting the missed birthdays. They will always be an important part of our lives, because you were always an important part of us.  I love you son. Watch over us and keep our little Piper always safe. Happy 2nd heavenly birthday.

I heard you were having a difficult time with Michael's birthday coming up.  I saw this and thought it might help.  My thoughts and prayers are always with you.
 With grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
 Take it from me. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. Peace to all the family.

Dianne and All,
I know you have been having difficulty in the midst of this second year and that is to be expected, not that it makes it any easier.
The second and subsequent years will find you finding out how! How to walk in each new day taking your beloved with you and free to mourn that he is no longer here the way we want...as Susan said, we have earned the right to grieve and mourn, no excuses need be made for anyone. Some days will feel better than others and it will be noticeable, but it takes a long while for that to happen, and what I would ask is that if you notice even an hour of feeling a bit lighter, know that it will happen again. It will. Life will happen all around you and at some point you will reach out to take a more active part in areas that right now, seem so fruitless or frivolous. I am promising you that over the next year you will take new turns and see some new things in yourself and in the world around you. I promise that you will find out how to find your steps but to be very patient with yourselves. Treat yourself the ways you know your Son would want others to treat you. Please know that this is a process and most processes take time, no rush needed, just try to be here in this hour, then the next. We are with you.

Time passes and changes; grief passes and changes. Know that there are those who still think of your loss.
The truth is there are losses you never get over. They break you to pieces and you can never go back to the original shape you once were, and so you will grieve your own death with that of your beloved son.
Your grief is your love, turned inside-out. That is why it is so deep. That is why it is so consuming. When your sadness seems bottomless, it is because your love knows no bounds.  It doesn't matter if it is 2 hours or 20 years you will feel this loss deep within your very soul.
And herein lies the gift that cannot die. It changes the course of your life forever. If you allow yourself the chance to feel it for as long as you need to  even if it is for the rest of your life  you will be guided by it. You will become someone it would have been impossible for you to be, and in this way your loved one lives on, in you.

Remember that we are newly bereaved for the first five years. There is truly an infancy to grief followed by "growing" stages. Be gentle with yourselves. Don't try to fit into a timetable or society imposed stages. You have experienced the most horrible tragedy of your life. When they put that baby in your arms you loved him at a level that you never thought was humanly possible.  When he died you hurt at a level that you never thought was humanly possible. Time and faith will surround the family and cover you with the softness you need with this.

Heather,
I lost my only brother also in November of 2014. He was 31.  There are things to think back on like the good memories you shared. That's what keeps me going. Obviously, I have waves of emotions that come in the form of sadness, anger, regret, selfishness, depression, anxiety. But what I've found is that trying to separate those emotions are not only the hardest thing to do, but are eventually necessary in order to continue in life. Otherwise, they could build up and leave nothing but a pot boiling over uncontrollably. In my opinion, tears ARE an outlet. I literally HAVE to cry sometimes, and once I do I feel slightly better. Like a small weight has been lifted. The pain still isn't gone but the build up is.
Anniversaries will always be hard, especially birthdays and angel dates. You get through just one day at a time, little by little. With losing my brother, it is taking time for us to be able to "be a family" because there will always a hole where he should be. In time, though, it is supposed to get easier.  I had trouble when people would ask me how many siblings I had. I didn't know how to reply at first. Now I say I have one brother because I do. If they ask where he lives I used to stumble around and get choked up.  Now I just say heaven.
He was my only sibling and I barely had any support, everybody was sorry for my mother because it's so hard for a mother to lose her child, it so unnatural.  But nobody thinks about how unnatural it is for a sister to lose her baby brother.
The LOSS OF A SIBLING club is a club you never asked to join and unfortunately you cannot quit it either.  But that means there is a whole large group out there holding hands as a sign of support for you and each one of us. Without ever meeting we become kindred spirits. Cry when you have to but try to remember the good things and laugh a little.

Michael, We are approaching the second holiday season without you, without your smile, without your laughter. The one thing we do know is we are NOT without your love. Sorry but I just cannot even say the word Chris.... I came across something Killian sent you and wanted to preserve in our book of memories. Somewhere I hope you took his words to heart.
My world Michael, 
On warm days stop to lie on your back on the grass,
On hot days drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree,
When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you are not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Be always grateful for each new day and for the blessing you have.
Enjoy every moment of every day for each one is precious and they are gone all too soon.
That is what this dog can teach you.
Love you my best person,
Killian  (2008)

May you and Killian be the special duo in heaven as you were here on earth.
I love and miss you son.

People don't always see the tears a dad cries
His heart is broken too when his child dies
He tries to hold it together and be strong
Even though his world's gone wrong
He holds his wife as her tears fall
Comforts her through it all
He goes through his day doing what he's supposed to do,
But a piece of his heart has been ripped away too.
So when he's alone he lets out his pain, And his tears come falling like rain.
His world has crashed in around him, And a world that was once bright has gone dim.
He feels he has to be strong for others, But dads hurt too, not just Mothers.
He searches for answers but none are to be found,
He hides behind a mask when he is feeling down,
He smiles through his tears, He struggles and holds in his fears, But what you see on the outside is not always real, Men don't always show how they really feel, so I'd like to ask a favor of you, the next time you see a mother hurting over the loss of her child 
Please remember....a Dad hurts Too.

One Year ago this evening you left us and this is how i feel.

You never said your "leaving"
You never said "goodbye"
You were gone before I new it,
And only God knew why.

There are no words to tell you
Just what I feel inside
The shock, the hurt, the anger
Might gradually subside

A million times I'll need you
A million times I'll cry
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died

In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place
That no one could ever fill

It broke my heart to lose you
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you
The day God took you home

Things will never be the same
And although it hurts so bad
I will smile whenever I hear your name
And be so very proud to say I'm your dad.

MICHAEL...
Sweetest Boy, your eyes shine out at us and we in return smile back at your photo, and now to the dark inky skies, asking that you are feeling free and safe and whole again.
Sit on your Momma's shoulder today as she finds ways to deal with this date,this time, this year. Let her always feel your love and your strength, as you celebrate hers.
Your Indigo friend,

Dianne.....I thought of you yesterday....and wanted to post something last night but had NO time....not enough for me to arrange my thoughts and heart for you....
   We are here to hear you and want you to know we are holding you....in a special way that only parents that walk the same mile that you do....it is hard to explain with common words...so....we seem to convey our care with understanding across the miles...
     I will wish you a sliver of comfort....for a sliver is all a parent needs to get by....just one more day....hold on...just one more day....we will rise just one more day.....I found all I could do is get by just 'that one day at a time'....
    and time had a different kind of 'tick tock' for me....some days felt like 72 hours....
I hope, too, that you can find a tiny, tiny little light in this dark day....
you know....he would not have left you unless he had to....

As you approach the first year marker of that dreadful day,...this initial shock that you are experiencing will eventually lift. I never thought I would ever say that. The first two years found me walking around in a state of disbelief. My feet barely touched the ground. The very effort of getting out of bed in the morning was monumental. My entire life and all that it was composed of was changed in the flash of a moment. I was happy... or so I thought at that time. This sudden and unexpected death of my son forced me into a cocoon. But like the butterfly I eventually emerged into a new person. All that I had considered important was no more. Priorities were completely altered. It felt odd but as I walked back down that path the other day it felt different somehow. The terrible pain had lifted and I felt renewed. The ache will always be there. That is simply how it will be. The empty chair at the special events. One thing that has helped me tremendously has been to hold onto two things. My faith and the certain belief that this separation is temporary...although it seems forever right now. It is but a fleeting moment in real time. You have not left your child behind. As a parent we know that could simply never happen. They are walking this journey alongside us as we go about our daily tasks. I try to close my eyes and envision all that brought laughter and happiness into my life with my son. I form a mental picture of a warm and comforting quilt or sweater that I make from these memories that I wrap around me. His presence seems so much closer that way. Hang in there. You are stronger than you know.

Six Things I Have Learned Since I Lost My Son
1). Love never dies.
There will never come a day, hour, minute or second I stop loving or thinking about my son. Just as parents of living children unconditionally love their children always and forever, so do bereaved parents. I want to say and hear his name just the same as non-bereaved parents do. When the time is right and the tears are more manageable, I want to speak about my deceased son as normally and naturally as one would speak of living ones.
I love my son, my adult child, just as much as I ever have. Just because he is gone from this earth doesn't make him matter any less to me or my family. My son's life was cut irreversibly short, but his love lives on forever. And ever
2). Bereaved parents share an unspeakable bond of grief that lasts forever.
In this past year navigating the world as a bereaved parent, I am continually struck by the power of the bond between bereaved parents. Strangers become kindreds in mere seconds a look, a glance, a knowing of the heart connects us, even if we've never met before. No matter our circumstances, who we are, or how different we are, there is no greater bond than the connection between parents who understand the agony of enduring the death of a child irregardless of age. It's a pain we suffer for a lifetime, and unfortunately only those who have walked the path of child loss understand the depth and breadth of both the pain and the love we carry. Every day loss parents move mountains in honor of their children gone too soon. .  Love is the most powerful force on earth, and the love between a bereaved parent and his/her child is a lifeforce to behold. 
This crappy universal club called Child Loss is a club I never wanted to join, and one I can never leave. We all wish we could jump ship that we could have met another way any other way but this
3). I will grieve for a lifetime.
Period. The end. There is no moving on, or getting over it. There is no fix, no solution to my heartache. There is no end to the ways I will grieve and for how long I will grieve. There is no glue for my broken heart, no elixir for my pain, no going back in time. For as long as I breathe, I will grieve and ache and love my son with all my heart and soul. There will never come a time where I won't think about my son and how he would be woven perfectly into the tapestry of our family. I wish people could understand that grief lasts forever because love lasts forever; that the loss of a child is not one finite event, it is a continuous loss that unfolds minute by minute over the course of a lifetime. Every missed birthday, holiday, milestone weddings that will never be; grandchildren that should have been but will never be born an entire generation of people are irrevocably altered forever. Thank you, Piper, for being our step into the next generation. We would be lost without you.
This is why grief lasts forever. The ripple effect lasts forever. The bleeding never stops.
4). The empty chair/room/space never becomes less empty.
Empty chair, empty room, empty space. Empty, vacant, forever gone for this lifetime. Empty spaces that should be full, everywhere we go. There is and will always be a missing space in our lives, our families, a forever-hole-in-our-hearts. Time does not make the space less empty. Neither do platitudes, clichés or well-wishes for us to move on, or stop dwelling, from well intentioned people. Nothing does. No matter how you look at it, empty is still empty. Missing is still missing. Gone is still gone. The problem is nothing can fill it. Minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, month after month, year after heartbreaking year the empty space remains.
The empty space of our missing child lasts a lifetime. And so we rightfully miss them forever. 
5). No matter how long it's been, holidays never become easier without my son.
Never, ever. Have you ever wondered why every holiday season is like torture for a bereaved parent?  It's because they really, truly are. Imagine if you had to live every holiday without one or more of your precious children. Imagine how that might feel for you. It would be easier to lose an arm, a leg or two anything than to live without your flesh and blood, without the beat of your heart. Almost anything would be easier than having to live without one of your precious children. That is why holidays are always and forever hard for bereaved parents. Don't wonder why or even try to understand. Know you don't have to understand in order to be a supportive presence. 
6). Because I know deep sorrow, I also know unspeakable love.
Though I will grieve the death of my son forever and then some, I bow my head to Tim, to Heather, to Piper and Delbert to say thank you, thank you, thank you for being the hearts that have kept this family anchored. There is nothing and I mean absolutely nothing I will ever take for granted. Having you to walk this sad journey with me makes me feel blessed.
I have my son to thank for awakening in me the knowledge of irreplaceable love with his passing. Being his mom is the best gift I've ever been given and that will last for my lifetime. Tim shared that thought with me on Michael's first birthday in heaven. Even death can't take that away from me.

Michael, it has been 10 months since you left us. It has been such a tough road without you but little did I anticipate the magnitude of grief where some days are as raw as the day we lost you. Not a day goes by without some memory or recollection of you. Not one day goes by without some tears. And yet,I also feel blessed--amazingly blessed. Blessed to have had such a beautiful son, inside and out:  I was blessed to have had a son so exceptionally intelligent, yet so generous and selfless. Yes,your faults were many but I knew you from deep inside and you were kind, compassionate and the most wonderful son to me.If only we could write a different ending to this story, it would be one of joy and happiness. I am told some day I will learn to celebrate you instead of only grieving for you. Smiles will come across my spirit and heart.Just know that as the one year approaches on your loss you are loved and missed with every breath we take. I love you son.

Dianne, stealing away to find out how to breathe in this new world where the oxygen has been stolen from you/us, is quite a daunting challenge. We all questioned whether or not we had what it took to do so, but we did and you will too. Did we always want to? Nope, we did not always feel any reason to find ways to live again...the firsts are so damn hard and yes, it gets way harder as you approach the dates that changed life forever. STill, that handsome Boy of yours is rooting for you to find your life again, anew, and live it well as he keeps a place for you when it is time. Remember if you can that there is no answer as to WHY??? only HOW remains for us to put our energy toward. How do we find out how to live in such a way as to honor our Beloved Children. Why can only be answered when we meet again. One day you won't hurt as you do today, and it will not mean you miss Michael less, it will mean that you have found a way to carry him and your love as well as his, into each day. We are walking alongside you.
-From your Indigo friend...

Being your father was the greatest gift I have ever been given,
When you died, part of me died.  In the midst of my pain
and hopelessness I discovered that  my survival depended
on continuing to love you and speak of you. Today I survive
because you are an integral part of my life everyday.
I was given the gift of being your father for as long as I live,
not for as long as you lived.
I will continue to love you and honor your life
by living my life to the fullest in memory of you.
I love you son.

I just found out that the man that gave me my first real shot in this radio business has passed away. This is horrible news. Devitt thank you so much man. 
Auggie Five Thousand

Wow! Devitt was a good guy. He left the station right after I started working there. That's really sad.

So shocked and saddened that this happened. Devitt was such an amazing man. Anyone that has the pleasure of meeting him just loved him.. So sad. Rest easy Devitt

I was getting ready to say Happy Birthday today.... What is this?? I cant believe your gone. This is too soon!! Its like i just saw you yesterday waiting out front of the Phoenix Suns Stadium in the radio van. We said hi, gave each other a hug and you said to say hi to my brother Christian. He was the one that got me to start my promotion job there with you ALL at Mega/Energy radio.So much fun and good times! You were always an awesome boss to work with!! 
Keep the gates in heaven rockin, with music beats that will lift our feets!!  forever in our hearts you will be for eternity!!!❤ Happy birthday Michael  Devitt miss your face!

Thought of you all yesterday. Beautiful words.

I wish you were here today
even for just a little while
so I could say Happy Birthday "son"
and see your beautiful smile.
The only gifts today will be
the gifts you left behind;
The laughter, joy and happiness...
precious memories...the best kind.
Today I'll do my very best
to try and find a happy place...
struggling to hide my heavy heart
and the tears on my face.
I'll sit quietly and look at your picture
thinking of you with love;
hoping you're doing ok
in Heaven up above.
May the angels hold you close and
sing you a happy song...
and I'll be sending wishes to you
today and all year long.

I miss and love you so mch
Love Dad

You are greatly missed..sending healing and positive vibes to your family today and always. Rip

Happy Birthday, Mike. I know you are jamming out with Kurt Cobain in heaven.

Hope you are enjoying a cold one up there. Happy Birthday my friend.

This is difficult to write, happy bday homie, wish you were here.
How do i say it, its your birthday today but your in heaven now, miss ya home boy. Michael T Devitt, it still stings..

For Your 1st Birthday in Heaven...
   We love you and miss you every day. This will always be your special day.
 
 If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in Michael's arms
And tell him they're from me.
Tell him that I love him and miss him,
And when he turns to smile,
Place a kiss upon his cheek, and hold him for a while.
Because remembering him is easy
I do it every day.
But there is an ache within my heart that will never go away.

5/10/2015 

Dear Mr Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven
And though it must appear a rather strange idea
I see everything from here
I just popped in to visit your store to find a card
A card of love for my mother
As this day for her is hard
There must be some mistake I thought,every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,from a son who lives in heaven
She is still a mother too
No matter where I reside
I had to leave ,she understands
But oh all the tears she cries
I thought that if I wrote you
That you would come to know
I still love my mother so
She talks with me,and dreams with me ,we still share laughter too
Memories our way of speaking now
Would you see what you can do?
My mother carries me in her heart
Her tears she hides from sight
She writes poems to honor me
Sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers to remember me ,there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents trying to ease their pain as well
So,you see Mr Hallmark
Though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way
To remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored,and to be remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do
Thank you Mr Hallmark
I know you'll do your best 
I have done all that I can do
To you I'll leave the rest
Find a way to tell her 
How much she means to me
Until I can do it by myself
When she joins me in eternity

Thoughts of love and understanding I send to all of you...hopes for peaceful dreams...and memories to make you smile for even just a few precious moments.
Tim, I lost my son 2 years ago and can relate to all you are going through.He was 24. Maybe this can help.From my words to you.

"I felt you near though I could not see
I felt you close here to comfort me
I felt your hug and kiss upon my cheek
I heard those whispered words that you did speak
I felt your loving touch soft upon my heart
I felt the pain and hurt within depart
I felt warm tears fall softly next to mine
I heard you say that all would still be fine
I felt your strong arms hold me with pure love
I felt the strength you brought from high above
I felt my son and all that he means to me
I heard him say, Dad, time to set me free

Dianne and Tim,
I too, lost my adult son--my child that I will now live everyday without. That was 3 years ago.
  I so believe our children retain their persona....that 'unique light' that makes them who they are....here on this earth home....and their first home...
      It is a wretched blow that a parent gets when our child is taken away...so hard we are knocked down to the ground....and we just want to lay there....
     I did not want to get up and face another day without my boy...I really wanted to dissolve ...
But I live on this earth home....so I had to gather what wits I had about me and rise...
I know that is the way with many parents...some admit it....some don't...
Your faith has been tested....and  you may have lost some of your faith....
    I, too, have been searching .....for 2 plus 2 does not equal 4 anymore...
Once again....some admit it and some don't...
      I am on the same ground in that I know my child is in 'heaven' ....someplace in the universe..cosmos...his first home...
   I do think he has another 'form' of energy...
 I have a very active and deep spiritual connection...and know we are all connected....and we are one with Mother Nature...more than we can even imagine..
I am a rolling stone now...
I sometimes wonder what life lesson we are to learn after losing a child ? What can we do with this grief and pain and heartache ?
   These are the things I ponder when I am up at 3 in the morning.
We have so many questions.....
and then we question why we have so many...
and not one answer to 'Why my child'
Just know you will be surrounded by his love forever.

Dear Aunt Dianne, Uncle Tim and Cousin Heather,
I am so very sorry to hear about Michael. My mom told me some of the details, and my heart goes out to all of you as you go through this. 
   I have many fond memories of spending time with Michael and all of you when I was young.  Playing at your house in Indiana is still fresh in my mind, and I have warm thoughts of Michael and his smile.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, very sincerely,
Nick

I am so truly sorry for your loss.  I have thought about you and your family often and have prayed for your healing.
Memories of my youth bring a smile to my face. I think of the "crew" we had here on Oriole Ct.  Many walks home from school and late nights in summer (looking at the stars and talking about typical 16 year old stuff) were had with my friend Michael.
I will always remember him as a kind, gentle hearted friend with a great laugh and non-stop smile.
You were blessed to have him as a son and I was blessed to have him as a friend.
So sorry for your loss.

I had a dream about him 2 nights ago.  I cry everytime I talk about it.  I knew in my dream that I was really lucky to be seeing him one last time.  I'm not sure where we were but we were walking around arm and arm, talking.  He was smiling the whole time.  It's was exactly how I remember him.  I feel he's at peace.  The dream made me both happy and sad.  I hope u guys are doing ok.  You are still in our prayers.

I read these post that everyone close to you has written. .. and they all repeat the same sentiment you have touched our lives. No matter how long you have been a part of them...  we will forever remember you and hold you in our hearts. .. Thank you and I love you. ..

What words could I type, that could comfort, after such a tragedy, I know not. I know Mike would want me to let his family know, of how highly he spoke of them, whenever sharing memories with me. "I don't think most guys know what being a 'man,' really is...but I do! Thats because I was lucky enough to be born/raised by one, my father." When telling me about his sister getting married, he said, " I hope ___ (I forgot his name, my apologies) realizes 'luck' couldn't begin to describe the fortunate circumstances that enabled him to marry a woman like my sister!" Mike told me how the Devitt name was something to be proud of, when telling me how his mother upheld integrity, ethics, values, etc., (even w/a powerful group of individuals)+stood up for what was right, while on a jury long ago. Mike was in awe, of how much his family accepted/loved/stood by+supported him, no matter what+he spoke of his family so often, I  couldn't begin to fathom their grief. My intended goal of easing the pain, if only for a moment, I hope I achieved, and to thank his mom+dad for having had such a wonderful son, which I was lucky enough to have known.

Loving Jesus, calm our worries, fears, doubts and anxieties and hold us close to your Sacred Heart.  The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul.  He leads me in right paths for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil: for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff --they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long.
Psalm 23
With all of our love,
Aunt Sally, Uncle Jim, and Helen Marie

I am so sorry to hear of your great loss, pray to God to give you strength and endurance.  My heart goes out to all of you.  Take care and God bless all of you.  Sally Villarreal

Michael, I miss you so, your laughter, your witty remarks, but mostly just your voice. I saw a lot of your friends today and that helped a little they talked about how much they'll miss you and how they loved you also.I was reading something the other day and I came across this poem.
I hear it mentioned often, that time will ease the pain, but if i'm being honest I hope it will remain, I need to feel you constantly to get me through the day, I loved you so very much why did you go away, the Angels came and took you that really wasn't fair. They took my one and only Son, My future life My Heir, If only they had asked me,if I could take your place I would have done so willingly leaving you this world to Grace, I only have a picture now a frozen piece of time to remind me of how it was when you were here and mine. I see you smiling eyes each morning when i wake, I talk to you and place a kiss upon your lovely face. How much I miss you being here I cannot really say the ache is deep inside my heart and will never go away.You should have had so many years to watch you life unfold and in the midst of all this watch me your dad grow old. I hope your watching from above at the daily tasks I do and let there be no doubt at all I really do love you.

I Love You My Little Bum

You will always be remembered for your love and willingness to help everyone you encountered.

Michael, today is Christmas morning but there is no celebration here.  Your dad, Heather and I are trying to be strong but we miss you so.  You are in our hearts and will always be.The amount of support and love we have received on your behalf is unbelievable and every kind word has helped us so.  This is for you.
        Christmas Without You
Although its sad to reminisce
On Christmases we knew
This year my celebration is really just subdued.
I will try to put aside my sorrow
With every shedded tear
I will try to concentrate on joy we shared when we had you with us here.
Our time together taught what Christmas time is for
And that is what I will remember most
Until we meet once more.
I love you, son.

Thank you for all the happy memories and the laughter.... I will miss you dearly. Anderson and Killian are very lucky up there to be in your presence. Love always, Renee

Devitt family. I am very sorry for your loss. I have very many fond memories of growing up with Michael on Wheeler St. even though we were a few years apart. Being friends with Heather he was always close by. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 
Angela Higgins (Kaufman)

So sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you

Our thoughts and prayers are with the Devitt family. Our son Eric(Tharp) was a good friend of Michael's and we will always have fond memories of their time together. Michael was such and kind, sweet, loving person who will be missed by many.

Thank you for all the happy memories and the laughter.... I will miss you dearly. Anderson and Killian are very lucky up there to be in your presence.  Love always, Renee

Thank you for all the memories.... I am going to miss you truly. Killian and Anderson are so very lucky up there. Love you always.

May you and your family find strength to heal andunderstand.
 California
Contact Me
-

Damn Devitt, I still can't believe this is true... There's not a day that I don't think of you when I talk about my days back at MEGA/ENERGY radio... You were so much fun and so talented! As you can see, you were loved by many and will certainly be missed. Thank you for blessing my life with your presence and friendship.

My heartfelt condolences and prayers go out to your family. Rest in peace, my friend... xoxo

AVIS DE DÉCÈS

Michael Timothy Devitt

16 mai 1978 – 28 novembre 2014

Kuiper Funeral Home

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