Stephen "Honey" Edward Whitener

The first thing everyone would agree on about Stephen Whitener, our Honey, is that no one had a bad word to say about this man. No one. Honey was so kind. He was gentle. He was a nice person to everyone: even if sometimes people didn’t deserve it. He simply treated everyone with respect.

His premise for the treatment of all those around him was that he wanted everybody to love themselves for their truest selves. He loved everyone for exactly who they were. He made space to love you exactly where you were. He believed in body positivity and held strongly to the idea that all shapes and sizes were to be treasured.

Honey was someone who was proud of all things nerdy and geeky. He encouraged his people to embrace their inner nerd. It was ok, and he lived it out loud, to be a 40 year old man and have shelves and shelves of action figures. He was the consummate nerd collector; of He-man toys, not just the kind in mint condition in an unopened-box, but real played-with toys like the kind he had when he was 6 years old. If Laura teased him saying, “Is Honey playing with his toys again?” He would reply with a resounding, “Yeah!”

Honey was a man who loved animals. In return animals were so drawn to him and his gentle presence. A spooked kitty would gladly curl up with Honey. He and Laura had three kitties, who he adored.

He was a man who avoided conflict. He hated it when people were upset. He just wanted everyone to get along. When he met someone new, he would naturally just find that bonding point of connection between himself and the new person. Whether it was a commonality in Dr. Who or Marvel Comics or Pro Wrestling or drawing or Karaoke, he would find some common ground with everyone.

Honey was a man who could make people laugh. He made people happy. He was just so funny. He could do imitations of various voices. He would sing The Rainbow Connection in Kermit’s voice. Or sing Johnny Cash Karaoke songs in a Johnny Cash voice. People would come up to him at Karaoke, delighted, and congratulate him for being the perfect Johnny or Kermit.

Honey was a great dad. He adored his daughter Scarlett and liked to be hands-on. From early on he and Laura were volunteer Class Parents at Scarlett’s school. They would work together with kids on reading or on art, or whatever the teacher needed. Honey liked to be really involved in the life of his daughter. Every year he and Laura would take Scarlett for back-to-school shopping, where she got to pick out everything herself. It became a tradition for the three of them; the day for her to get what she wanted. And Scarlett shares many of his hobbies and talents. Like her father, she likes to draw and sing. She likes Dr. Who. Indeed, they are a lot alike!

Once someone came into Honey’s life, they stayed there…for life. He collected friendships. He had multiple friends from high school. One of his groomsmen he knew from elementary school. He would talk to his friends constantly, nurturing his connection to them. Everyone loved Honey and wanted to be around him.

He was a loyal friend. He would stick up for anyone. He was a strong protector. He hated bullying. He despised any kind of animal abuse. And he was without judgement. He embraced in his life, along with his church, the motto: “Open Mind. Open Heart. Open Doors.” He just loved everyone for who they were.

He cultivated private jokes with a lot of his friends. Whether it was the shared love of old 1970s awesomely bad safety videos with his favorite co-worker or some other silly shared goofy genre of bad movies with another friend, he just cemented that point of signature connection with each of his people. He was so light hearted.

He loved hard. And was always expressive of his love. He made sure that the people in his life knew that he loved them. He didn’t leave it to chance. He would constantly text his daughter. Or his mom. He showed up strong for all his people with his love.

He was so loving and affectionate to Laura, his wife. In her words, “He spoiled me rotten! When I look at my phone, I see the history of his constant texting to me, sometimes a dozen times a day, just to say he loved me. He would text, ‘You are my everything.’ or ‘You make me a better person.’” If Honey loved you, you knew it. Laura and Honey both enjoyed contemporary Christian music. They got to take one last vacation together before the pandemic quarantine; they drove to Long Beach and took in a Toby Mac concert. Laura said, of him, “I just wanted to be with him all the time.” She liked nothing better than to curl up on the couch and watch TV with her Honey.

Honey had so much empathy for people. His empathy flowed into his work too. Customers loved him. He would tell Laura, “Today I had a really nice little old lady. She got some storage because she is moving in to an assisted living facility.” He was just so compassionate and it showed up in every part of his life. He would relay how someone did something nice and say how appreciative of it he was. He always appreciated it when anyone went to any trouble for him or for his family. He was kind-hearted and appreciative through and through.

Honey loved nature; particularly the beach and ocean. Growing up his family would go to Ocean Shores. He so loved to go for a walk with Laura and Scarlett. On Father’s Day last year they went out to a lake and strolled through the forest and around the lake.

Honey was mushy for a guy. He had such a strong sense of nostalgia. He loved 80s music and movies. There were pictures of his people all over his apartment, naturally many of his wedding with Laura. He loved having lots of pictures. But not just pictures; he kept Scarlett’s ballet slippers, and her award certificate. They kept pictures of Laura’s nephew playing soccer and set up a little shelf dedicated to his soccer, with a soccer ball on it. He just liked mementos. At Christmas time, every flat surface was decorated with knick knacks. He ordered a vintage ET Christmas ornament on eBay, the same one from when he was a boy. He liked to connect through time with all these things. Yes, he could be sentimental.

His tribe have described him variously as:

incredibly kind, a man who could be counted on to lift one’s spirits, welcoming, loyal, hilarious, deep, irreplaceable, giving, loving, multi-talented, proudly geeky, one-of-a-kind, someone who made everyone feel comfortable, a loving father, gentle, soft-spoken, never a stranger for too long, sensitive, caring, artistic, easily hurt, a human who wore his heart on his sleeve, a defender of the rights of others, animal lover, possessed of a spark of brilliance, trustworthy, a good dude, easy to talk with, enthusiastic, fun creator, cuddle bunny, genuinely into his passions, an amazing energy-giver, forgiving, a man who made time for others, a private joke cultivator, sentimental, a jazz-hands greeter. He was devoted; a devoted son, father, husband and friend.

He liked to draw. And he self-printed two comic books, that he sold at Comic-Con. On the weekend before he died, Honey drew what would be his last piece of artwork. He drew out all the characters for The Goonies. They were so vivid with different characters. It looked like a movie poster, spot on in its depiction of the characters. It was, Laura declared, one of his very best pieces.

Honey donated his eyes through the Center for Organ and Tissue Donation. His corneas will go to restore sight to two blind people. The Center also took bone and skin that will help burn victims and cancer survivors. However, we are confident that Honey would be particularly pleased to know that his artistic eyes will be passed on. Because he was a visual artist, the donation of his corneas reassures us that his artistic vision will live on.

Honey will be remembered as an extraordinarily special person with a gentle heart. He was a man so truly accepting of everyone, a man about whom nothing bad could ever be said. Honey was a Christian and loved the Lord, so we know he’s in heaven, waiting for us.

He is survived by his mother Nancy.

He also leaves behind his beloved wife of 7 years, Laura.

His love and empathy will live on in his adored only child, Scarlett.

We will miss this one-of-a-kind man, Honey. But we will treasure his memory deeply in our hearts. Forever.

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A Celebration of Life weekend of Honey-style fun activities is being planned for July 18 and 19, his birthday weekend. Please mark your calendars.