Roland H. Gray Jr.

Roland H. Gray Jr., of the Charlestown Retirement Community in Catonsville, was called to heaven on October 10, 2026. He was the beloved husband to Elizabeth “Bettye” Gray, father of eight children, grandfather to 20 children and 15 great-grandchildren. He was 97.

Roland was born on November 9, 1928, in Toledo, Ohio. He was the son of Roland H. Gray Sr. and Lillian Gray. He had two sisters, Jean Kenz of Kalamazoo, MI and Beverly Bangs of Evanston, IL. Roland was predeceased by his wife, sister Jean and his parents.

Roland received his chemical engineering degree from Northwestern University, beginning a professional path that would carry him through several important positions in the chemical industry. He worked for Dow Chemical in Midland, Michigan, then for Dewey and Almy in Boston and Kentucky, and later for W. R. Grace in Baltimore. During his career with W. R. Grace, he helped develop a process for making catalytic converters, work that formed a significant part of his professional legacy.

Alongside his professional accomplishments, Roland was deeply engaged in family life. He and Bettye met during their senior year of college and shared 69 years together. With eight children, he attended endless softball, football, lacrosse, wrestling, and field hockey games, as well as dance recitals and art shows. Education was very important to Roland and Bettye and they were extremely proud of helping to send all their children and grandchildren through college. Roland also enjoyed taking all the grandchildren out to lunch each year and give them a talk on various financial topics. Being financially savvy, when someone asked him if he wanted anything, he would always say a stack of $10 bills.

Roland’s interests and activities extended well beyond his career. He was an avid, lifelong stamp collector, played duplicate bridge numerous times a week at Charlestown, and enjoyed hiking in the local state parks. He served as a Boy Scout leader with his three sons in scouting, and he helped organize and coach Catonsville Recreation softball, with four of his daughters playing.

Roland and Bettye also enjoyed square dancing for more than 20 years with the Spinning Wheels Square Dance Club. Together, they organized the 29th Star Spangled Square Dance Festival in Hunt Valley in 1992, an event that brought together more than 1,300 dancers. Square dancing also started Roland on his long life of wearing bolo ties with his suits. Their long involvement in square dancing reflected a shared enthusiasm that remained an important part of their life together.

In later years, Roland became an active resident at Charlestown Retirement Community, where he served and advised on the Residents’ Council for numerous years. Continuing his commitment to education, he was also involved with the Charlestown Scholarship Program, which provided Charlestown employees with grants to help pay for their higher education costs.

Roland is survived by his children: Richard R. Gray (Renee Rutkowski), Robert W. Gray, Kathleen E. Gray Farthing (George), Thomas E. Gray (Carmen), Patricia A. Gray Di Rito (Paul), Carolyn M. Gray-Wright (Gordon), Susanne M. Gray Behringer (Mike Thompson), and Theresa L. Gray Handerhan (Leo).

Also by his grandchildren: Sarah Low, Krista Gray, Alex Gray (Shania), Evan Farthing (Sarah), Haley Farthing (Joe Shapiro), Chelsea Farthing (Neil Mangalindan), Sarah Gray (Eddie McDonough), Elena Gray Stout (Brad), Michael Gray, Brian Di Rito, Lindsay Di Rito Castle (Matt), Patrick Di Rito (Christiana Valenti), Meghan Di Rito Wegendt (Dan), John Di Rito (Alina), Bradley Wright (Natalie), Daniel Wright, David Behringer (Ana Costa), Allison Behringer (Mateusz Madejczyk), Sean Handerhan, and Camille Handerhan.

He is also survived by his great-grandchildren: Sloan McDonough, Teddy McDonough, Alexei Shapiro, Wren Mangalindan, Ellis Mangalindan, Emma Castle, Abigail Castle, William Castle, Grayson Stout, Cohen Stout, Gabriel Wegendt, Benjamin Costa Behringer, Rebecca Di Rito, Marlow Reid, and Judah Truax.

Roland H. Gray will be remembered as a loving husband and father, active in his community and a leader in the many circles in which he lived and worked. His long life leaves a lasting legacy in his family, his profession, and the communities he served. A Celebration of Life will be held on Friday, November 6th at 11am, at Our Lady of the Angels Chapel in Charlestown. Family will receive friends at 10:30 am in the Chapel. a luncheon to follow afterwards at noon.

In lieu of flowers, the family has asked donations to be made to Gilchrist, 11311 McCormick Rd., Suite 350, Hunt Valley, MD 21031 (or online at gilchristcares.org) or Charlestown Benevolent Care, 719 Maiden Choice Lane, Catonsville MD 21228.