To My Grandma, 🕊️❤️

I honestly don’t know how to put into words everything I’m feeling right now.

We weren’t as close as I always wished we could have been. There were so many things between us that hurt me deeply, especially feeling like you treated me and my children differently. I carried that hurt for a long time. But even through all of it, I never stopped loving you. You were my grandmother, and no matter how much you hurt me, there was always a part of me that still wanted your love, your acceptance, and your time.

I wish we had more time.

More time to talk.
More time to understand each other.
More time to heal.
More time to fix what was broken.
More time to become the grandmother and granddaughter I always hoped we could be.

Because deep down, I truly believe we could have been great.

I’m thankful for the moments you did give me. I’m thankful you allowed me to live with you. I’m thankful for every conversation we had, especially during these most recent years. Those years meant more to me than you probably realized because, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was able to tell you some of the things I had kept inside for years.

I hope you knew how much courage it took for me to say those things.

I hope you knew that underneath my anger and my hurt was a little girl who just wanted her grandmother. A little girl who needed you. A little girl who wanted to feel loved and chosen and accepted.

And I wish I could hold your hands one more time like I did in that hospital room.

I wish I could sit beside you, hold your hands, look at you, and tell you everything I never got the chance to say.

“Grandma, I needed you. I needed you so much growing up. And even through everything, I love you.”

I wish I could tell you that one more time.

My heart hurts my son  loved his great grandmother, and I will always be grateful for that bond and the memories he has of you. I wish we all could have had more time together. 
  REST EASY GRANDMA 🙏🏾

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Phyllis C. Dowdy

March 27, 1953 – September 18, 2026

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