Judith Margaret (Heiman) Stokes

After nearly seven courageous years living with cancer, Judith Margaret Stokes, born Judith Margaret Heiman, died at 8:20 on the morning of Friday, June 3, at her home in Overland Park, Kansas. Her husband Bill, who lovingly cared for her full-time during the last three years of her life, held her tenderly as she slipped quietly into a death for which she was fully prepared with a firm and sure Faith in the loving and abiding presence of Christ Jesus. She was 57 years old. Heart was her metaphor; music was its passion. The result was pure love.

Born in the sunshine of the crisp morning of November 6, 1958, Judy was the third daughter and fifth child of the late Geraldine Frances (Drackert) and Lawrence Frederick Heiman of Prairie Village, Kansas. She attended St. Ann’s Catholic School and in the spring of 1977 graduated from Bishop Miege High School, where she excelled in music and in her senior year sang the lead in Gilbert and Sullivan’s H.M.S. Pinafore. In December of that year she married Charles E. Hinchey, Jr., and in February 1986, celebrated the birth of their son Carl Louis. Through the years of her marriage she suffered four miscarriages, babies she held so closely in her heart that she knew them by name: Faith, Hope, Charity, and Grace. Throughout her life she prayed with them in union with the Sacred Heart and the Mystical Body of Christ. She was a devoted and loving mother, proud of her son Carl’s accomplishments in school and scouts, and especially overjoyed with Julie, his bride, and with Carl and Julie and other members of her extended family, she cheered KU Basketball and celebrated KC Royals.

She had a professional side as well, attended classes, studied hard and passed her boards to become a certified Cardiac Ultrasound Stenographer, a career she pursued at Shawnee Mission Medical Center, H.C.A. of Overland Park, as well as with cardiology groups in private practice. As part of the certification, she logged thousands of hours examining and interpreting heart scans—as her husband Bill put it, “ten thousand hours looking into people’s hearts.”

And what she did professionally with hearts she also did personally with heart. Every single one of the half million hours she lived on this earth was filled with love. In every single one of those half million hours she was fully present. And in the hours she was with you, she gazed into your eyes, she greeted you with a voice that sang your name; she hugged you, she loved you, she rubbed your shoulder—she read your heart.

And as she read hearts, there is absolutely no doubt of what is in her heart. She loves her Dad Lawrence Heiman, she loves her son Carl Hinchey and his wife Julie, she loves her husband Bill Stokes. She loves her brothers, Mike and Don and Jim Heiman. But she has a special bond with her sisters, Cindy Nelson and Sherry Blaine, and with her mother Geraldine Heiman, a great spiritual communion. Her babies sing in her soul: Faith, Hope, Charity and Grace. She cuddles her goddaughter, Katie Vandaveer and embraces her godson, Thor Blaine. Nieces and nephews and grand nieces and grand nephews are dear to her: Shawn, Kelsey, Haven, Ivy, Elliot, Pippa, and Vienna Nelson; Jamie Heiman; Jeremy Lowery; Marla Selph; Katie Vandaveer; Annie, Sergio and Ferran Catllã; Laurie, Wade, Henry, and Georgia Kelly; Susie, Ted, Willem and Everett Bender; Kelly and Cooper Overstreet; Thor and Owen Blaine; Tara Blaine; Nicole and Charlie Buckley; Blake Heiman; Victoria Heiman and Evan Blake. She loves her adopted family—Bill’s daughters, Caroline, husband Keith Neaville and their children Madison,Joe, Bella and William; and Emily and her husband Chris Chappelear, and their daughter Francesca. Her sisters-in-law, Ginny Heiman and Maridella Carter; her brothers-in law, Michael Blaine and Dennis Nelson, she honored because they shared themselves with her and loved the people she loved. Friends, co-workers and health care providers were a source of constant joy for her, and from the first months of her diagnosis and all the way through her illness, on good days and on not-so-good days, they were with her, a source of consolation and a kinship close to her heart.

For as gentle as what she was with her patients, family and friends, she was also tough, tenacious, persevering, and strong. Like both of her parents before her, she regarded herself, with the ever-present help of God, as self-made. She worked hard, saved money, raised and educated her son, bought her house and kept it spotless. She loved her yard and kept it trim, loved her flowers and kept the leaves at bay. She took great pride in her family, her German-Catholic heritage and anything that had about it the nostalgia of a family she regarded as her greatest treasure.

And always, always, there was music in that house, all kinds of music. She loved the human voice. For decades she had season tickets to the Kansas City Symphony, and with Bill and friends, she attended the opera as often as she could. She served as a canter at Queen of the Holy Rosary, served on the parish council, was a regular member of the church choir, sang Ave Maria at weddings and Holy God We Praise Thy Name spontaneously at any other time.

She loved these things because she had a mystical sense of life. She loved butterflies and strawberries and had a distinct nostalgia for anything material associated with the spirits of prior use in her family. Prayer books and prayer cards, rosaries and crucifixes, knick-knacks and articles of clothing touched by those she loved held special meaning for her. “Strawberry Obsession” was her email handle and after the practical Saturn went the way of all old cars her Sebring convertible was her one extravagance. Spirituality rang with resonance within her, and she heard the voice and saw and felt the hand of God in everything around her. As a Daughter of St. Francis de Sales, an international congregation of women Religious, founded with a Pontifical charter, she dedicated herself to an Apostolate of Prayer and Education in Faith for the Glory of God and the Salvation of Souls. Her fellow sisters were a constant spiritual blessing on her life’s journey.

Her marriage to Bill on May 18, 2013, was one of the greatest blessings she experienced in that life journey and was one of the greatest blessings for her family that loved her so dearly. Tender was the love which visibly flowed between Bill and Judy. They loved each other with compassion, honesty, exuberance and joy.

As cancer entered into her life, Judy took the initiative to involve her family in the process of living with it in dignity and courage. Her suffering, courage, dignity, and patience; her calm and steady good sense, her deeply lived Catholic Faith—touched the hearts of her family and friends, soothed spirits, saved lives and will forever serve as a living model for what it means to love.