Dearest Treasured Momma ~ I've no assurance this 2nd Try will post on this website, but please realise I am missing your presence here on Earth more and more as Time moves forward minus both yourself and wonderful Poppa, the Love of Your Life & Likewise ... It's a while since being able to write to You due computer troubles, yet it cannot     change my Heart of Love amid Gratitude for your Life-long caring & Love for me, your musician daughter who once when you were in hospital & I was 14, brought you a little doggie which after You 'Left' I found which you had saved with tears from   that Time rolling down my face ... I miss your wisdom; musical word and knowledge plus our nightly Tel Chats when 'doggie' slept and I so wish sharing much with You yet Life Ends for All of Us and You always said: "Nothing lasts Forever, Lizzie" trying to teach me for         these Times without You and Poppa. Many FB friends are learning    about your brilliant 'savant' gifts which Atonal GOAT Schoenberg, greatly revered once asking you: "Betty, How can you play my Atonal compositions near flawlessly?" which you later told me your
answer which I've kept secret yet may tell in my Book, 'EM Life in Music'? Poppa beyond loved you; revered your talents always doing edits you RX'd & trusted you with his Life ... Kiss Poppa for me & Yourself knowing Your Grand Music & Life Teaching mirrored Mr.'s Lasserson, who showered praise on you for the Brahms V/P Sonata #3; Heifetz & Milstein w/TM words Dad equal her Husband telling me so, and most pupil's of You and Poppa always thanking you both for genuine artist mentoring & with Love ... No words will ever describe my inner ache without you both, yet I try honouring You & Dad; In touch w/Cousin B., I lost '24 Super Bowl Bet w/Cuz making me pay up yet didn't charge Interest! Hug Unky L, from all 3 Loving Sons  + Kiss Ardelle & Mrs Cann who subbed as 'British Mum' when I lived in beloved London  & 'til we're all with God ...   Lizzie xo  6.19.24

Dearest beloved Momma ~ I am unsure this Anniversary of your Earthly Passing Note will post to this website, yet I am writing &   
sending you and Poppa All My Love on this poignant Day when I 
was informed You had Left to be with God and Poppa, The Love
of Your Earthly Life, unable to speak and in shock w/the person
making the Call to me barely able to eke out words to tell me
of your departure early AM in Bothell, WA on Wednesday 19th
of June, 2013 ... Our good friend came rushing over to your home
when I rang him w/the overwhelming Tragic News and sat in your
Living Room near your Piano which you so Loved, and playing it all 
your Life making the ivories glisten as pearls w/God's Hands from 'Lizzie' your Forever Loving You Daughter ~ 'doggie' loves you &          we speak of you very often aka, daily and my deep  tears of Love ... As we Tel said, "I Love You Forever, Momma" and you would say, 
"I Love You Forever, Lizzie" ~ Kiss Poppa in Heaven for me, your/
his honoured to be Daughter writing you both with many of your pupils often writing on FB about you both with deepened respect & much Love for 'Ralph and Betty our Music Mentor's so missed & Thankful for such wondrous Mentoring of us all' ... I can now mention being in touch w/Cuz B., who won 24 Super Bowl Bet &      I had to pay Up! He didn't charge me interest!! Btw,  if you see Unky L, give him all my love w/his 3 Sons loving him & Forever ... We Miss You, Momma & some FB Friends of mine are learning about your musical gifts & of Schoenberg, whom I know  had a deep admiration for You, his 'savant' Pupil performing his most           complex Atonal Music Scores near flawlessly once asking You,         'Betty, How do you play my Atonal music nr flawlessly?' You did 
tell me the answer, but I keep it to 'me-self' for EM Book on  Life     in Music and  of You and Poppa + Mr.'s Lasserson; Heifetz & Mr. Milstein after Your Grandest Music & Life Teachings to me, your
Lizzie

Photo ~ Momma, aka, Betty Matesky, & Daughter, 'Lizzie' 5.16.2013
Luv You, Momma ~ 10th Yr Anniversary Mourning You, Elisabeth 'M' 

To my Beloved 10 Yrs & Eternally Mourned 'Momma' ~

This photograph was taken of us visiting together in mid May of 2013, and enjoying Mother - Daughter Times which are now so
cherished due to your Earthly Passing on 19th of June, in 2013 ~
The overwhelming feelings of Loss I experienced on That Day &
following can never be fully described, but suffice to say, your &
Dad's profound influence upon me from my earliest memories as 
a toddler until losing Poppa, far too early, yet watching you, the 
most resilient woman I've ever been privileged to know, grappling
with the Loss of 'The Love of Your Life', Dad, was remarkable due 
your independent spirit and inner strength greatly moved through
your blessed Marriage to the person and musician you so admired,
and then carried forward your late husband, Ralph's, Legacy=most
acclaimed US String Educator of Children-College age + Pro's w/
his Teaching + Compositions for all School Orchestras= elementary {enchanting 'The Naughty Little Clock'!} & commission by Foundress of Ballet Folklorico, Madam Amalia Hernandez, of Dad's 'Choreo Primo,' 1975 premiered in Mexico City's Palace des Belles Artes , & heeding a request of the Curacas  Minister of Culture & Music Education advising her & Dr. Abreu, mentor of G. Dudamel,  to teach poorest children in their Country 'How to Play String Instruments' w/Dad's Texts giving Birth to renowned  'El Sistema' SBSO now w/Deutsche Grammophon.  RM's works came to light due your impassioned 'Mission' carrying forth Dad's Legacy until you  literally could  do no more Reaping Joy 'The Ralph Matesky Award 2013' was presented to ASTA Nat'l Solo String Comp 1st Prize Winner  in NYC's '92nd Street Y', Founded by Dad's Juilliard admirer, H.  Kaufman,  friend of my GOAT Violin Mentor, Jascha Heifetz, hugging me/Your &  Dad's JH pupil Heifetz introduced! Your Piano Art is Internationally  All Pro praised re playing of Arnold Schoenberg Scores! I Love You Forever, Momma ~  'Lizzie' *19.6.23

My dearly beloved Momma ~

On this Day, June 19, 2013, a Wednesday, your life was in process
of being returned 'Home' to God ... Now Saturday, June 19, 2021, 
it is exactly Eight Years on this Earth without You and it is and has 
been extremely difficult without your physical, spiritual emotional
Presence since 6:50 AM, Wednesday on June 19, 2013 ~ I had just
awakened in my downstairs bedroom of your beautiful home in the
Cul de sac, on 51st Avenue in LFP, which you and Dad had selected 
as your new home after Poppa retired from USU in Logan., Ut. I felt you and Dad were trying to make huge adjustments living in a Very
Different environment than most of your married lives in L.A., CA,
and you both did this with acceptance and Grace ~ Later, losing the
Love of your Life, my father, your loved beyond life husband, 51st Avenue NE, became a safe haven full of loving memories w/Dad's
sister ~ who had introduced you to each other ,~ Gerry, moving up
to Lynnwood just a short drive away ... A 'new normal' Life minus 
your R., began to be created with Aunt Gerry, new neighbour's &
Friends with whom you bonded for as long as they lived near by ~ 
Our relationship developed into a glorious Mother- Daughter new 'friendship' as I'd grown up enough to be your friend & daughter!!

Our years of friendship sharing have grounded me, dear Momma,
for (altho' terribly painful) life after that traumatic Day of your
Earthly Passing, with 'Doggie' by my side to help sooth enormous grief feelings of desolation since 6:50 AM, have helped with God 's Love.

I came immediately to your side with your beloved BD blouse & 
lovely black kick pleat skirt & nurse's dressed you in them + God gave me a supernatural ability to make you pretty as you would have wished draped by the gorgeous powder blue w/slight magic sparkle around your shoulders, then I played my Violin for you.
I Love You Forever & mourn your presence Always ~ Your Lizzie Eternally💔             


Dearest cherished Momma ~ It is the afternoon of June 19, 2020, when on this day, early AM, God called you His beloved Servant of Your Husband, Ralph; 2 adult children, Elisabeth & your son, plus all whom you worked with throughout your remarkable Life by your own efforts of Grit and Iron Resolve, to overcome the deeply embedded feelings in that child's part of your heart & memory of not being wanted yet a Severe Trauma you experienced at very tender ages, losing your World of Mother, Irene (Titus) & adored father, Joseph (Blumberg) with nowhere to go... by Grace, you had your brother Leon & baby sister, Eva, to cling to & together, to each other which in God's Mercy & Love, provided you, Leon & Eva a Life Bond ~
Somehow, you & Leon were taken to a welcoming place in West LA's Vista del Mar, where Joseph Bonaparte eventually became a mentor cheerleader of your significant talents for Music and a truly pure heart full of Love for Music ~ Your schooling was at some nice Schools meeting a classroom friend, Rita, whom you bonded with and were able to help her with vocal coaching at the Piano, which by then, you were becoming very adept at playing & making beautiful music when playing & learning Masterworks by Great Composer's Bach, Beethoven, Debussy, Schumann, Ravel, Mozart, & most definitely, Johannes Brahms, the music of whom you would deeply Love your long Life w/abiding passion for beauty.
In my tiny Tribute to you today, 6.19.2020, on my Facebook Page, Brahms was included so those who read it can feel your immense identity w/Brahms to know you, my Mother, loved/Cherished a Special Musical kinship with All Brahms Music, able to plumb the depths of his Yes, inner demons of unrequited love by Clara Schumann + an inner passion disciplined by Life & a Grand Composition Talent none could touch, yet All wanted to emulate!
The successes I've had in performing Music of Brahms are Yours!
missing you so, I Love you Forever Until ~ Lizzie xo


So I began going thru many papers, finding loving notes from you & seeing photographs of you & Dad, all 4 of us; you & myself at
Salt Lake City Airport in December, 1970, learning of Lillian's passing & my flying back to London to play at her Memorial Service @London's St Paul's 
Cathedral w/George Board, Mrs. Board, Lillian's sister & journalist fiancé & 
you know about his later wretched Book, + lies re our BBC TV London film made on my Life as a Concert Artist, playing many great Masterworks in my film & Lillian's Last Run at Wembley Stadium synced to our Prokofiev 
Sonata #2 in D for Violin & Piano w/Lillian running to the Scherzo, plus the
TV film/audio recording of our Violin Concerto for 2 w/Peter & HS/ Sascha
L. in Brahms V.C.; you w/Sascha Lasserson in Brahms Violin/Piano Sonata
#3, when he kissed your hands saying, 'Betty, you're the finest pianist I've
ever played with in my Life!' with Dad & myself listening & deeply moved 
the Leopold Auer's authentic St. Petersburg Assistant, gushed such great compliments on you & your grand Brahms playing!! All who heard you in 
Music of Brahms were deeply moved to heightened levels of admiration &
a spiritually inspired wonder upon hearing Brahms in your loving hands, my dearest Momma who possessed pure hearted Love of Music all your Life ~ Please Rest Easy about your Heart & Soul as it's being cared for with
Love and outgoing Respect in Hearts that Love You & Dad, plus All whom you accompanied throughout your noble life on this Earth ~


I miss her warm and caring voice on the telephone from Seattle! She was a mother in a million to my beloved Lizzie and I am sure she watches over her in good times and bad. May she rest in peace and know how much she is loved! Annabelle 

June 16, 2020 | London United Kingdom | Friend



June 17, 2020

Dearest beloved forever cherished Momma ~ 
Now Wednesday, June 17, 2020, I'm feeling the pain of losing you as that day, June 19, 2013, rapidly approaches and so many memories flood my thoughts & when listening to certain works of Music, my heart breaks due to you not being 'down here' with us so I can hear the sweetest melody in your unique voice … Momma, 'things ' down here have been nightmarish to the point of actually telling 'Doggie' & Dave, I'm just grateful Momma & Dad are Safe 'Up There' & away from all this He*l going on due to insane totally uninformed people also forced to stay sequestered in their homes due to a Global Pandemic the likes of which have Never been experienced by Any people on Earth unless 100 years or over in age, since 1917, when the worst pandemic broke out in our Country then over to Europe where over 75,000,000 people died from the Spanish Flu ~ We are all inside our houses & homeless people are also being given shelter + food to protect them and those of us fortunate enough to Stay In are doing this especially some of the elder people & even myself having had pneumonia 3 times & at a higher risk. 



Dearest Momma  ~

I suppose these Dignity Mmemorial folks think I'm a new 'someone'! Just to clarify, I'm your first-born child in L.A., 
& began playing my violin at aged Three!!!  As you know, 
dear Momma, I've been a musician since aged 2 when you 
& Dad told me my first composed piece was on the piano titled:
"Momma ~ Tie My Shoes"!!

Must go to sleep, but we sang a rousing 'Happy 100th Birthday
to you over the telephone to Cousin's D., & B., plus Cousin B.!!!!!
I hadn't vocalized but it was improvised which was Raaather!! As
the Brit's say ~ 

Many kind people on a social website wrote their Likes & Hearts
to my Tribute to you on your One Hundredth Birthday, 'down here',
so I thought I'd mention this because it was joyful!!!!

"Nighty Nite" for now, dear Momma ~ (I've an idea for a Gift you 
gave me!!!! tbc ~

Lots of 100th Birthday Hugs!!!!!!!!

Your 'Lizzie' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

*Adding a photograph of us below which I treasure ~ Thursday, A10/24/19

My dearest Beloved & Treasured 'Momma' ~ 

On this (hard to believe) extraordinary Centenery Anniversary of your Birth on October 23, 1919, now October 23, 2019, the reality
of a full Century having passed, is startling yet poignantly fused by
great sorrow since your Earthly Departure of June 19, 2013 ...

In these years following losing you, my cherished Mother, whom I 
came to know as my best friend when adult grown up enough to 
become so, I relied much more heavily on your wise judgements with regard to most important matters in my life ~ I learned your
Overviews were born of immense life experience which, as is penned down,"Too Schmardt too Late" which you often quoted with a twinkle in your pure blue eyes ... There were, in retrospect, 
hidden messages in your humoured Quote which a 'diva' daughter until mature enough, listened most attentively to.  It's taken harsh experience to realise some of your questions raised in the last 5 years of your life were motivated by Motherly concerns for her
much loved child ~ On this Centenery Day of your Birthday, pains
of loss are guiding my words to you "Up There" and one can only pray you will, somehow, know I seek your profound counsel about 
the future 'down here', dearest Momma ~

So many colleagues upon learning of your uniquely rare musical pedigree w/Alternate Pianist duties as 1 of 2  for the Twentieth Century Icon of Atonal Music Composition, Arnold Schoenberg, & impromptu performing vast sections from both his orchestral plus chamber symphony orchestra scores  when teaching his gifted UCLA composition pupil's, are awestruck as to 'How' you, Momma, could perform such ridiculously complex Atonal sounds flawlessly, without a hiccup!  Berlin Philharmonic Music Director,  Sir Simon Rattle, wanted to know pleading, 'I must meet your Mother, Lizzie! Where is she?' (11-16-09  @ CSO Symphony Center!)

My Angel Momma, I Love you Forever ~

Accept a Heavenly Centenery B Day 'Up'!

Your Lizzie


Dearest Momma ~ 

Although I own this private place for you, having purchased it in 2014, with a contract of ownership for my lifetime, I'm forced by 'someone' who hasn't Access to this yet put on his String Quartet minus any photographs of you & Dad, or you & myself or you, Dad & me together, so on this Saturday, October 5, 2019, I will speak with "Powers that be" to forestall  unscreened inserts by those who treated me as 'dead' since your Earthly passing, Wednesday, June 19, 2013, at 6:50 AM ~ the most horrid day in my life except March 3, 1979, at 4:40 AM ... Forgive my absence for awhile due to  help needed by dear friends here in the Midwest & elsewhere in London, Continental Europe & S. A. ~

The good news is retracing my 'footprints' in Sibelius' Violin Concerto & surprised by a kind response of the fiddle ~ using my hands intelligently, which lifted me way up and 
playing with more authority and sound as of late!!  I also got the Brahms Violin Concerto out, having begun 1st movement passages, recalling what seems good whilst deleting what wasn't good ... Also included is the Beethoven Violin Concerto, which at this point in my life, means far more than it ever did when Dad & I collaborated as Conductor & Violin  soloist with his fine USU Symphony Orchestra providing an unusually kind & stylistically beautiful orchestral accompaniment for Dad's USU Farewell Concert ~ Mr. Milstein insisted I perform my own Cadenza following the slow movement, Larghetto, into a buoyant yet profound undertow in the 3rd movement!!! At least we have a fine recording of the Farewell Concert Salute to Dad, for which I'm eternally grateful!  How I  long for you both to return here NOW to embrace & do Beethoven's Violin Concerto a Second Time with far more matured understanding of Beethoven's Depths on my part. But so far, none on Earth in medical science have yet unlocked the Mystery of How & Where Souls go? I Love & Miss you Forever, my beloved Momma ~ Your Lizzie xx



My dearest Momma ~ 

It's been far too long since writing you on this website which I purchased after the First Year, owning it & writing you very frequently, which seems changed Not by me, your daughter, with a hole in my heart ~ Somebody
or people other than myself have interfered here - my personal place to
write to you & we'll be contacting those newly 'in charge' to inquire about
the changes & all photographs of us together here ~ Presently, I don't see any of my well over 200 letters to you or photographs which are as much mine as your son's.

Please know there were wondrous Tributes to you upon your Earthly passing from revered London colleagues of mine, & the entire Chicago Symphony Orchestra Alumni Association, saluting you as a premier pianist & Arnold Schoenberg's Alternate Pianist w/Leonard Stein at UCLA for
Schoenberg's most advanced classes in Theory, Form & Analysis +Orchestral Structure & Composition, for your 2 year advanced studies with Schoenberg, also serving as his Teaching Assistant while you performed vast portions of his very complex atonal orchestral & chamber orchestral scores, impromptu, at the Piano when then-Prof Schoenberg would teach & lecture on many aspects of his Atonal compositional style & how he employed gamut's of human emotion within his atonal Compositions, without so much as a hiccup!  You finally told me in our last 6 weeks together of Schoenberg actually asking you 'How you can play my scores near flawlessly, Betty!?' to which you said you simply replied, "Maestro, I just hear all in my head!'  

Momma! Upon telling Simon Rattle of part of Schoenberg's note to you when Sir Simon was here in Chicago, on Tour, conducting the Berlin Philharmonic, magnificently & performing Schoenberg's Chamber Symphony, Op. 1, 9b, as no other orchestra could, except our Chicago Symphony Orchestra, he went 'nuts' asking & pleading to meet you, such was his intrigue!

I Love & miss you dear beautiful Momma, Forever ~ Your 'Lizzie' xx

My dearest Momma ~ 

Although it has been some time since writing, not a day passes without my thinking of, speaking of or writing about you, while trying again to 'hear' your wise advice regarding the best course to follow as you always did throughout our 'Earthly Live's' together ~

Finally finding this newly designed site where I've written many letters to you since leaving Earth to be with God and Dad, I apologise for a very long 'intermission' of absence ~ 'Things' became difficult due to out of my control issues which have finally been resolved only days ago ~ Just know we're now decidedly in abeyance  ...  After some time, we'll look at various options we've discussed & come to the best solution for us both.  Not wishing to be vague, many of your own decisions in life serve as brilliant reference for us to learn and discern from ~ 'Doggie' is well &  very positive as always & displayed real interest in my 'diagnosis' & suggestion/s about a hand problem in the last few weeks.  This makes me feel good as I've had to 'invent' stretch exercises to do left hand aerobics which maintain youthful tone in my  hand to practise the Sibelius 3rd movement - no kidding, eh Momma!

In helping him just last night, there was a significant relaxation & loosening of the whole area which seemed to surprise & delight 'Doggie'!  I was thrilled as I've much experience in this area & as Mr. Milstein used to say, 'It's not that I play better than younger violinists, but I have experience!' You used to quote Milstein's phrase quite often & not always pertaining to Music & Violin but to various Life situations.  Milstein not only shared his unique violin technique's but much of what he taught me re navigation on the fingerboard also applies  to living on this Earth ~ Still pinching  myself at having had the great fortune to be Nathan Milstein's 1st private artist pupil, it's due to the exceptionally loving teachings from you & Dad! I Love you Forever ~ Your Lizzie

Dearest Momma & Dad ~

After spending over an hour so late in the wee hours of Saturday, the 18th of November, 2017, this computer just lost my "I Love You Forever" 'God-mail' for which I sincerely apologise ...

Being 3:15 AM, I know full well you both wish me to go straight back to sleep, so I'm going to do just that!!

Without further delay, I'll be back very soon after practising much of today and Sunday, okay!?  I carry you both in my heart always,
and talk about you both with glittering pride!!! No Earthly daughter ever had such blessings God bestowed in His gift's of you as my beloved Mother and Father!

Sending you all my love amid tears of yearning to be with you both again - whenever God decides it is Time, and in His Time, please accept my utter gratitude for loving and teaching me much more than well ~

p.s. Dad,, I need a violin lesson so, if possible, could you help me out regarding toning my left hand to play easily by Sunday evening for rehearsal on Monday, AM, next in my dreams? l'll be waiting!!!! 

I Love you, my dearly treasured parent's, Forever ~

Your daughter, Lizzie!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma & Poppa ~

It's Sunday, October 1st, in the Year, 2017, and you've got my Number Plus!!!  After 3 tries, it's now very late, and I'm going to sleep!!

Much to mention, my eyes are closing from sheer fatigue, so I'll return later for the First Day of my October 1, 2017, 'Opening Day' to leave off temporarily for now, to dream and prepare a few more thoughts ~

I'm sorry to be forced to leave off for now, yet Never doubt my fidelity, & faith in you, my beloved and honoured parents who forever Made Less Mean More ~

Happy Birthday to a musically royal couple who upon retirement, pledged fidelity to an unwritten Oath of Allegiance in order to stand with faith, honour, and uncompromising devotion and especially to the gifted in heart who were to come in the future ...

Too fatigued to express all in my mind presently, it's way past time for bed!! (Sound familiar!!??)

I Love and Thank You, Momma & Poppa, for giving Life to me ~

Millions of Hugs and Kisses for now at 2:25 AM on October 1st of
the Year 2017, from your Half a Century Plus in Age Daughter with numerous Goals!

             Loving You from Earth to the Skies in God's Kingdom ~

                                           Your "Lizzie"

Dearest Momma and Poppa ~

Our dear neighbour and loving friend, Judy Beckner, was here & we had an emotional reunion the other evening with 2 of her adult children & 1 of many Grandchildren!! It was extraordinary seeing Judy, radiant as always, talking about our growing up years on Mayo Avenue, and all our wonderful times spent together during those special child-hood years ~ 

Judy said her experiences in your orchestras', Dad, "were the greatest for me, even though I didn't play violin very well, but loved being part of the orchestra because I learned my violin part was important as well!" She still has her violin and has invited me to visit her when next in the Golden State!!! 

We had an in depth discussion about both sets of our wonderful parent's with Judy saying she knew you, Dad, 'were very protective' of me ' and made sure I (you) didn't get distracted to be able to practise the violin', also saying that, "your Mom was your biggest fan!" 

I felt connected to our past & all the real experiences I've relished but been forced to block out ~ This was a Gift from Above which I shall be forever grateful.  A large missing piece of myself seemed to come back and I must believe both of you had something to do with this from your newer "location" ...

How can I ever Thank You, my beloved Mother and Father??

I love you more than can be imagined and aspire to reach up and far beyond myself to fulfill the rest of my destiny here on Earth ~

Being quite late, I will say 'Nighty Nite', sending you millions of Kisses and Eternally unconditional Love ~

I Love You Both, So ...

Your "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma and Poppa ~

I have had you in my prayers and thoughts constantly - especially as I haven't felt well and on an antibiotic which ruined the July Fourth week end ... But I heard Aram Khachaturian's Gayne Suite special movement which I once had the ability to turn on the tape machine and record my thoughts to you, dearly loved Mother, Aunt Gerry and what were then Family ... All gone, it hurts deeply and I got so worn out trying to look after 'Doggie' over a long time period without normal sleep, I guess it all caught up with me and I got a very nasty 'bug' which is now 11 days old ~

Please know my heart breaks for our Country which is a vicious mad house of people fighting each other with vitriol & mean as heck words -- interrupting each other constantly with No manners and out of control crazy people hating the elected officials and I can no longer tolerate this vile environment. Drinking boiled water w/honey plus Green Jello & Low Fat Cottage Cheese with some nice Chicken Soup at last, I am getting some actual food after being so stuffed up I hadn't an appetite.  So I pray to God for His guidance and to feel His Love as July Fourth was not too Hapoy except to see Tributes to our Troops & talk about your wonderful work during WWII despite not being able to go abroad to engage in active battle ... 'Doggie's' Family fought ~

I'm so proud of you both ~ Such Noble People with Souls and caring for others ... Please accept so many apologies to you both for my mistakes in the past, yet constantly remembering your words of wisdom, Momma and Daddy, I wish I could run into your loving & protective arms once more as your little child ~ 

I love and adore you and miss you both to my very  core.  It hurts because you both loved our Country; gave so much of yourselves; worked far too hard to give us a nice house and good food, with amazing lessons in Music, joyful holiday's and as much Happy as you could make happen!!  And with Unky Leo, we sure laughed!!!

I remember playing Crocket in our back yard ~ Ping Pong for hours on end in Summer's; Little League with the "Bloomer Girls" you once organized, Momma, for all the Mother's to faux play a short baseball game in the sun!! It is, in retrospect, magical!!! Our adored doggie, Shady Lady, and how you cared for her and we, in turn, learned how to take our Dog for walks and I always talked to Shady Lady in the back yard under a blue sky telling her all my cares.  She Never told anyone else and I loved her with all my heart and I still do ~ 

Anyway, we were blessed to play Hop Scotch and Tetherball plus go to Holinday's on Friday nights for Pot Roast!! We got to go for Sunday drives to Palos Verdes & get ice cream cones! And dear Momma, we wore our Easter hats!!! 

Just always know I love you and admire you both so much ... No other people could have been my parents ~ Only you guys, Ralph and Betty!! Simply fantastic and whatever 'mistakes' were made were made in innocence and in the best of faith ~ Maybe they were all "Good Mistakes"!!!

I hope I can get my spirits lifted up & back and get lots of sleep yet peace of mind which provides precious sleep ~

Thank You for Everything ~ EVERYTHING my beloved parents!!!!

I'll write again soon, okay, and pray for some very bad things to, by God's Grace, get resolved ... 

With my enduring Love to you both for Eternity and Beyond ~

Your "Lizzie" & Betsy plus Memories of Love

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

On Monday, June 19, 2017, I was at a loss as to how to pay Tribute to you, so I went to orchestra rehearsal wearing your gorgeous purple with sequined sweater we gave you and you gave me to occasionally wear!  I also wore a beautiful purple w/shades of green and blue plus a dash of brown silk scarf and my light purple ear rings with a pair of lite pink pants and appropriate make up.  Having had a very demanding week end, I'd been limited in my practising, but managed to warm up the left hand somewhat on Sunday and Saturday.  

The time was ticking so I hurriedly got my bath & dressed quickly to try looking well dressed to Salute you on the most poignant day of my life excepting the day we lost Dad ~

Practising a bit, I left & caught a taxi to the rehearsal and was quite surprised as the string section was amazingly full! Upon getting up off my Concertmaster Chair to tune the orchestra for our last rehearsal of the Season, I had an opportunity to actually address the 80 piece orchestra on the conductor's podium, and suddenly told the orchestra of the poignancy of the day, Monday, June 19, 2017, commemorating this Fourth Year Anniversary of your Earthly passing in 2013 ... I then gave all a brief sketch of your remarkable musical gifts and honour being the invited pianist for the Giant 20th Century composer, Arnold Schoenberg's, most advanced classes at UCLA (circa 1938 - 1940) ~  producing an awed hush throughout the orchestra and upon saying tearfully, 'in my own way, I dedicate this Last Rehearsal of the Season to my beloved musician Mother ..."  With tears in many eyes and some starting to applaud, I then asked our principle Oboist for 'a Betty A'! He gave a very good A but not quite a perfect "Betty A", so next year he will have another opportunity to perfect his "Betty A" up to an A 442!!! We then began the rehearsal playing a loving orchestral setting of the "Eternal Father" Prayer in your memory & 7 Sailors in our military who had tragically passed away on their ship Saturday, just prior to Monday's June 19, 2017, rehearsal ~ It was deeply moving and I knew & know you loved it being so honoured alongside 7 young American Sailor heroes, all of whom served our country giving the ultimate sacrifice ~ 

Momma, at long last, I was able to bring You and Who You Are to Center Stage for fellow musicians, whom all felt so tenderly moved ...

I am forever proud of you and Dad and during our Orchestra Party afterward, many string colleagues came to share their sympathies and glorious comments of praise for yourself and Dad, whom All remember with the grandest respect ...

It could not have been more beautiful reading the 3rd movement of a great composition of Sibelius' "Kariolla Suite" which was utterly & absolutely fantastic!!! I held my Violin up High frog bowing never ending repeated C sixteenth's on the Sul G string which all String section's followed in like fashion which sounded like a truly great symphony orchestra in those moments!! I was leading with all the aplomb Dad taught me with a Concertmaster confidence of the most seasoned anywhere!! It felt Great and I can't wait to play the great Sibelius "Kariolla Suite" again and after so doing, making one more pilgrimage to Finland, the Land of Sibelius, which has so inspired me since being honoured there by all Five Daughter's of Sibelius and the Sibelius First International Violin Competition in 1965, performing the 'Adagio di molto' of Sibelius' Violin Concerto before all living members of the Sibelius Family in the actual living room in the birth house of Jean Sibelius, on his Centenery, the 8th of December,1965, proclaimed by the Finnish Minister of Culture the official "Sibelius National Memorial Museum" with Eurovision television camera's rolling and televising my performance for the official Finnish Government Concert/ Ceremony, Live, throughout all Continental Europe on that providential day in my Life!!! How grand is that!?? I know you and Dad (and even Mr. Heifetz) were proud of me!!  I also know I would never have played Bach so well to be awarded the Special Award for Unaccompanied Bach in the First Sibelius Int'l Violin Competition which included the honour to perform Sibelius' Violin Concerto slow movement on a bitterly cold yet auspicious day without Dad's teaching genius and our soon after 'other world' Concert Tour of Scandinavia w/Dad masterfully conducting the greatest pre-LA/NY Philharmonic Orchestra players with myself as the violin soloist in the Sibelius Violin Concerto and especially, in the Aula Concert Hall at the University of Norway in Oslo, to a double sold out Oslo audience, giving our Sibelius Violin Concerto performance a 4 minute standing/ foot thumping Ovation which, thankfully, we have on CD, Live!!! It was & remains beyond thrilling which propelled me to go to Helsinki a few months later to 'feel' the soil of Finland and Finnish people ~ all of whom gifted the Finnish Giant Composer, Sibelius, with his inspiration for the Violin Concerto, Tapiolla, all Seven Symphonies & especially the Second and the Mighty Fifth!! How rich can we be!?  No amount of money could ever come close to the feelings expressed by The Master, Jean Sibelius, in his equalling Beethoven scores!!! 

THANK YOU, DEAREST MOMMA, for EVERYTHING YOU GAVE TO ME THAT MATTERS for ETERNITY ~

I LOVE YOU AND DAD FOREVER ...

Your deeply grateful yet sorely missing you daughter ~ "Lizzie" 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~ 

I'm thinking of you more and more poignantly as just 5 days from today, which is June 14th, 2017, shall mark the Fourth Year of your Earthly passing ... It is oftentimes deeply painful & especially so when I feel forlorn over your actual passing of nearly 4 long years ago ~ now more or less orphaned on Earth without you ...

You were the root of my Life and shall always remain so ... Deeply fatigued today after having to stay up until 3:50 AM, please forgive my short note for today, okay?? I know if you were here you would tell me - "go take a nap before dinner, Lizzie!"  I will do that, ASAP, dearest Momma ~

Your Junior High/ High School friend, whom you coached in Voice & accompanied at the piano in numerous auditions for Hollywood film screen roles, Rita Hayworth, was featured last week end on TV in some of her younger roles and sang well! You did a grand job training her and in musically contouring her abilities to express any given sentiment in any particular ballade ~ Bravissimo's to you in abundance are long overdue ...

So very proud of you, I know Ms. Hayworth would never have had the glamorous and respected career she enjoyed without your consistent presence in her life and insistence upon developing her sense of musicality, phrasing, dynamics, & hosts of so many more vocal techniques enabling ease of vocal delivery and, in particular, her enunciation and diction to say the very least ~

I love you and truly miss you, dearest Momma, whom I shall never stop loving and missing until God decides to reunite me with you and Dad wherever or whenever He thinks best ...

'Doggie' & I saw a marvellous documentary on HRH, Her Majesty, The Queen, Queen Elisabeth II of England, to which he said you were very much in the same mode, both physically and of similarly rare character with beautiful skin, a radiant smile & fused with utter modesty of a quiet confidence ~  (I couldn't agree more!)

I'll be here with you on Monday, June, 19, 2017, Remembering ...

With Eternally Enduring Love ~

Your daughter "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

It is late Tuesday night, 6/6/17, but I found my way here and in the saying for this day, it said to go outdoors and look up at the stars, then realise 'you are a special creation of God ...' It was so uplifting as "things" have become very rough 'Down here' and you and Dad would be appalled at what this World has become ...

In November, 2015, Paris in France was bombed and totally innocent people attending a concert were shot at aimlessly & did not live ~ It has gotten worse, Momma, and they did unthinkable horrid things to innocent people in Orlando, Florida; San Bernardino, CA; Nice in the South of France and in our beloved London in March, 2017; in Manchester, UK, only 2 weeks ago and horror of horror's, on London Bridge this past Saturday, June 3rd, 2017, with 7 deceased innocents, 48 injured (w/ 21 people still in hospitals in critical condition) & a nightmare in East London w/ beloved London Bobbies now forced into military mode, plus a 'crazy' trying to murder a police officer just outside the great Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris on this day, 6/6/2017 ~ All the people who were within firing range ran in to the Notre Dame Cathedral & to protect themselves, put their praying hands around the back of their heads to try protecting themselves from being shot. It doesn't bare thinking about and this world needs Miracle's if ever needed w/ one Giant Miracle to STOP this vile terror being perpetrated upon thousands of innocent people by very horrid minds in bodies of Evil doer's who revere Death and abhor Life ~

How does a Nation stop this? Or many nation's??  Our Leaders are trying to stop it yet it is so unprecedented, many are beside themselves as to All that can be and Must be done or created to Stop this madness ~

You and Poppa are Safe and Tgether with God in Heaven and I miss you so much yet have actually thought all of this terror would be so traumatic to you both, it is safe where you and Dad are resting with Angels and Great Musicians all around ...

Please know I am always thinking of you both and grow ever more proud of you ~ How blessed I am to be your daughter!! 

I keep trying to be worthy of your teachings and mess up some of the time, but hear your loving words in my heart and mind which lifts my spirits Up and reignites one's spirits to "carry on" ~ 

Many speak of you and admire you as the wondrous people and rare musician's you were and are!!

Must do dishes; wash my face and get to much needed sleep! But Perry Mason is on and always comforting because we used to like watching him &, dare I mention, listening to him, dearest Momma!!

Doggie found some new flavoured Ice Cream which is more than delicious and I've been trying not eating too much!! 

You are deeply loved and sorely missed, my precious parents ~

With all my Love ...

"Lizzie"

My dearest Momma ~

After several tries to post a Mother's Day Letter, with no success, please accept All my Love and a Thousand Hugs and Kisses on this Mother's Day, 2017, which is  the Fourth Year Remembrance of this honoured day without your Earthly Presence, and hurts me in my heart ~

Being deliberately brief so as not to tie up God's Inbox, I'll leave off with our favored parting words when we would have our nightly long distance Chicago phone chats to your (206) 365-2528 telephone to ensure the speaker phone would be shut off ~ "One, Two, Three, Four and OFF ~ I love you, Forever, Momma!!!" 

Dear God ~ You can take it from here & offer a Prayer of Thanks + abundant gratitude to You for granting me Daughter-hood of my Momma, Betty, and Father, Ralph, the two most extraordinary people I've ever known on this Earth ... I Love You God!

Lizzie, feeling utter blessings of daughter-hood on Mother's Day, May 14, 2017 ~

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My dearly missed and beloved Momma ~

Sunday, May 14, 2017, is Mother's Day which also commemorates the 4th Year I'm not able to ring you on the phone, see your happy & wonderfully smiling face to plant Mother's Day kisses on to the most glorious and noble Mother who ever graced this Earth ~

Yes, Momma ~ It hurts as a pain in my heart not to be with you in your Family Room, with freshly brought purple/blue big mums and Fushia pink flowers to put in lovely vases with fresh water in the center of your Family Room Table or on the wooden counter by the silver clock and take yet another Mother's Day 2017 photograph of you, smiling away, with pure blue eyes of Truth and purity gazing upon these flowers which were always amongst your favourite colours!!  

Having left a spray of green stemmed with tiny white happy flowers at your resting place when last in Seattle, I must defer from flowers on this Fourth Mother's Day due to an emergency dental root canal with another superb specialist in the same place as the first one we found together and mutually felt was the 'right' person to do the complicated root canal on me some years ago ~ the tooth was saved and I am most grateful, to be sure!

A bit under the weather, I am having a 'time out' to sleep and catch up with myself now and throughout this week end, Doctor's orders, with the weather here sunny but chilly so we're all in nearly Winter dress yet donning sunglasses!!  Betsy came through the other day although we had been forced apart due to very necessary duties. I was so grateful it sounded much better than me!!!

Now nap time, always remember how much I love and cherish you and as Poppa once composed and dedicated to you for the First Anniversary of your marriage, 'The Light in Your Eyes' ~

With enduring love Forever ...

Your daughter who misses you so ...

Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Years ~

Dearest Momma & Poppa ~

Great news!I The computer recharged so here is a quickie note advising I shall be checking in very soon!! I'm happy it wasn't as 
bad as I thought, to put it mildly ...

Going back for a nap & then errands galore, I must do a few more
high level artistic concerts before too late in the career curve ~  And note I wish to play for reasons not requiring reviews, but if it might be mentioned. I would hope the music making would be on 
a moral plane in accordance with your *grand musicianship ~

I Love you both, Forever ~

Your Lizzie 

*How splendid you brought musically pedigreed glamour to 
 young musicians & people's in Mexico on both extraordinary 
 concert tours ~ one of which prompted the Lead Male Dancer of 
 afamed dance company to jump onstage, impromptu, while 
 you, Dad, kept conducting - dancing to the orchestra music and
 Madame Amalia Hernandez inviting you to compose a work for 
 her world renowned Ballet Company, which in its '75 Mexico City
 premiere, was hailed as phenomenal by critic's & all people there
 in the Palace des Belles Artes! BRAVO II, Dad!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~ 

This might be my last note for awhile as the iPad isn't recharging & I'm worried it could shut Dow & lose everything. 

I love you Forever and am afraid of the most severe computer problems ... Praying for God's help, 

Never forget how much I love both you and Dad & feel honoured to be your daughter ...

Your Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma and Poppa ~

Having more computer troubles, I'm now here, relieved at being able to write to you on this Holy Saturday, April 15, 2017, a day before Easter Sunday!

Searching my heart for answers & your profound wisdom, I simply ask that God sends me a message in some form as to what you both would advise me to do in the coming week?  

All I know is I miss you both very deeply and feel a very profound sadness at not having you both here on Earth ~

You have been described, Momma,  as a phenomenal woman and pianist by some who knew you well & by many upon hearing me tell your Story, moved to tears of true empathy and astonished admiration!  I am so proud to be your daughter and can only hope and pray I can become half the person you were during your Earthly Life, dearest Momma, and ARE Forever remembered with highest praise of all who knew you & All who now learn of you through my spoken and written words ~

May we be closer than ever despite the great distance separating us, only physically ~

You are fully present in my heart and through God, Himself, I send you and Poppa a Blessed Easter No. 4 in Heaven, Together, with God and His Angels ...

I Love You, Forever ~

Your Easter Daughter & 'Doggie',

Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~ 

Having very distressing troubles with the computer, I ended up here and am I glad to be close to you because I can write to you and feel we are 'in touch' in a new dimension ... 

I miss you and Dad very much and as last mentioned, I've lost my dear friend, Marilyn, which hurts.  I rang the person closest to her but have yet to receive a return call ... I will try again after sending you this short "Hello Momma, I Love You" Note!! 

Many things are occurring 'down here' which are both joyful yet rather threatening ... Yesterday I had the good fortune to visit Linda & Jerry, who shall celebrate their 53rd Wedding Anniversary on Saturday or Monday!! She got married very young to a truly loving wonderful man who is a superb physician, father, adoring husband and more recently, Grandfather!! They are so delighted having 2 grandchildren & a daughter who loves the children, taking them everywhere she goes for her very high profile job which takes her around the world!! 

It was very moving to see them both w/Doggie & I enjoying an over 2 and 1/2 hour visit without interruption.  How lovely is that!?  We left rather late to do some grocery shopping, & enjoying seeing old haunts of ours from the early days of our relationship.  I feel truly blessed with Doggie in my life and realise how fortunate I am ~

Yesterday, March 27th, was also a deeply poignant day in that it marked the First Year Anniversary Passing of the wonderful Catholic Nun, Mother Mary Angelica, who founded the EWTN Global Catholic Television Network on just $200.00!! 'Mother' was a unique personality whether a Nun or in any walk of life, who was for real Devout and Believed ... Her unshakable Faith in God led her to build EWTN into a global television empire - in harmony with The Vatican Television & Radio w/ great encouragement & admiration of now late St. Blessed Pope John Paul II, who had a very close friendship with Mother Angelica as well as with her only other 'peer', Mother Teresa ... 

I learned so much from Mother Angelica about Life and How to Live, despite not being Catholic, but being deeply attracted to the Commandments and best traditions of the Catholic Faith. It is a spiritual feeling and certainly illuminates one's eyes, ears & heart when interpreting Great Music ...

Not able to continue further, please know I think of you and Dad Every Day and many times in each day. Whenever the opportunity presents itself to speak about you and Dad, I'm your Earthly P.R. Agent, so to speak!! 

How proud I am to be your daughter because I could never have selected two finer people as my parents!  God surely knows what He is doing!!!!!!

Sending you Light Years worth of Hugs, Kisses and Love ~

I Love you both Forever ...

Your Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My dearest Momma ~

Very shocking news came last night, Wednesday, March 1st, around 8:15 PM when I called our dear friend, Isobel's daughter, about something very important. A voice unknown to me answered
the phone & I was a bit confused because it wasn't her daughter's fiancé, but a relative ... Not understanding Why I couldn't speak directly with Marilyn, the relative girded his loins to say he had to tell me terrible news ... It was the worst, Momma ~

You are most probably aware already, but Isobel's daughter of barely 68, passed away Tuesday in the wee AM hours.  Her devoted fiancé was with her but didn't realise what had happened until he tried to tell her something with No response.  Becoming hysterical, he tried CPR & had called 9-11. The paramedics arrived to find him desperately trying to bring her back to no avail ... 

Upon hearing this, after an oral dental procedure late yesterday afternoon, I was overwhelmed & crying bitterly for as you know, I've just lost my first and most trusted friend in this place I have lived of over 4 decades ... 

Evidently, she did not suffer and had a look of peace on her face ~ In writing this to you it's surreal, but as you & Izzy were close as I also was to them both, it comes as a severe shock. Marilyn & I did talk & share our terrible fears of losing "our precious Mother's" ... Momma, I've now lost Marilyn's marvellous Mother and, shockingly to believe, my closest friend to being a sister, beloved Marilyn ...

Trying to reach Marilyn's friend, Linda, I've just managed to do so & Linda's husband, a Doctor, was shocked and deeply sorry ... I'm so groggy from the pain medication for the procedure yesterday afternoon & having to take a bit more around 4:00 AM, it seemed best to forego the Service and I shall be visiting the family later this week ... Needless to say, many many people were deeply touched by Marilyn's Beyond generosity and golden heart of kindness ~

I shall miss her truly loving presence the rest of my Life, Momma ... She was always speaking of how special you were, and deeply admiring of the music traditions in our Family ~

I love you deeply and miss you profoundly, especially when such a tragedy occurs ~ How can God take the Angels He sends to Earth - so many of whom, are yet young?

Closing my very tired & very saddened eyes, I know you will greet Marilyn 'on campus' "Up There", and 'catch up' during Eternity's Time with her adored Mother, our treasured friend, Izzy ~

Going back to sleep for now ~

I send you millions of Momma Hugs and Kisses ...

Your forever loving daughter, 'Lizzie' 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

This is a very short Note of Remembrance on the Three Years and Twenty Nine Weeks of your Earthly passing, which occurred on a Wednesday, and every Wednesday, I commemorate your absence by upsettingly adding another Week to the Time you have been absent from my life and achingly missed ~

Having awful troubles with the computer as of late, I must get time to seek expert help from the Apple Store as so much is a mess at this time.  Not a computer savvy person, it is most frustrating to be locked out and not know how to get back in.

Anyway, I feel fortunate to be here to send you, via 'God mail', a little note without 'Normal' interference to say you are as cherished as ever; loved more as the time without you passes; admired all  the more for your exquisite Life lived here on Earth, and as my closest Friend, musical mentor, and rare & loving unconditionally Mother, to which I give limitless gratitude to God for being brought into this World by your truly loving union and marriage with Dad ~ your Eternally beloved husband, Ralph, who could never have lived and done all without you, his cherished, deeply loved and musically admired wife, Betty ...

How absolutely beautiful, dearest Momma!!!

I love you Forever as I also love Dad ~

Sending you Three Years plus Twenty Nine Weeks of Hugs & Kisses ~

Your "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

I have had a nightmare with the computer and being able to get here as well as to my proper email ~ anyway, it is Saturday, February 18, 2017, and on this day 44 years ago, you and Dad were here with me in Chicago not far from where I now reside!  It was a somewhat conflicted day, yet in retrospect, I now see it was not a mistake, and if so, then a Good Mistake ... 

Having few regrets. although some which will always be in the Memory Book of the consciousness of both you and Dad, my beloved parents, whom I absolutely love and give thanks for every day, all in all, it was better than worser, which you both are sure to realise ~ and certainly, from your now extraordinary vantage point in Heaven's House ...

I never wanted to upset you or let you down.  This you must know and Momma, in one of our last visits together, you actually told me, "I am proud of you, Lizzie!"  I was surprised and asked if you really were?  Without hesitation, you said you were very proud of me which is carrying my Soul and Will  to continue on in almost every aspect of my life ~ 

Of course, it will never be the 'same' down here with you both having 'moved' to a new location, but I keep in very close touch with those special people who are a part of that fabric of our lives together in varying Chapter's ... I have been speaking with Marilyn quite a bit and as her Mom is 'Up There', we help each other to cope as we were both close to the other's Mother, although as you know, I was very close to Marilyn's Mom from Day One when you & I arrived in the Hancock & found those Cain back chairs!!! What a gift of providence to have made the best friends I've ever had in this city on Day One!!  We were lucky!!

I miss you and try to honour your wishes for me and my wishes to be worthy of being your daughter.  It is a tall order and your shoes, Momma, are most probably never going to be even half filled although I am trying ... 

In making a decision yesterday, my Guide was from Proverbs and it led me to the right person!  Now one's fingers are crossed all will work out well today at 1:00 PM as it is truly important ~

I was quite ill on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2017, and could not get here due to terrible problems accessing this sanctuary of my thoughts to you ... I was also coughing & sneezing, non stop, for several days and wearing a heavy face mask to protect 'Doggie' from getting my very bad virus.  He was doing okay, but came down with a 'something' last evening & has a virus which, in fact, he had almost 4 weeks ago. I tried helping him but he was totally & unbelievably obstinate, saying he was "fine", which I knew was not quite accurate.  Well, now he's willing to take medicine because he must be very uncomfortable being so under the weather ... My goal is to get him 150% well!! 

I must take my leave to get some much needed sleep, but when you and Dad receive this 'Memory Book of 44 Years Ago' letter, please know I thought of you both much of Valentine's Day and missed you both profoundly ~

As you would say, Momma, "Nighty Morning," for it is nearly 9:30 AM with little sleep last night ~ Mary is being duly honoured tonight at Orchestra Hall for over 50 Years of Service to the Orchestra, & if Doggie was better, we would be there to congratulate her.  Suffice to say, it doesn't appear this will happen, but if by some miracle of providence it does, I will tell her how much you have always admired her work and remarkable professionalism!! She will be presented with The Theodore Thomas Medal, which is the highest honour our Orchestra can bestowe on a member ... She certainly deserves it plus many more!!! 

For now, I'm going to close my tired eyes & sleep for 2 & 1/2 hours in fervent hopes all will proceed well early this afternoon ~ This is my Prayer ~

I love you and Dad Forver, dearest and deeply missed Momma ~

With 3 Years and 28 Weeks of Hugs & Kisses, I'm 

Eternally your daughter in heart and soul besides blood ...

With unconditional Love ~

Your Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

It is Three Years and 26 Weeks without you and I feel utterly lost and completely inadequate to cope with all the constant ups and downs of this Life as of late. 

Your path must have been utterly devastating as a young child and, later, losing Dad, the love of your Life ... You then built an iron core of determined steel inside yourself which I cannot possibly tell you, ironically, now, how deeply I admire in you, my authentically self reliant Mother ~

You stepped in the background so graciously to help others shine which I'm beginning to 'see' vividly as your gifts of self discipline, self always second, and especially remarkable, knowing deep inside yourself, you possessed the rarest musical gifts.  For every correction of yours to me, I now give utter gratitude and Thanks ~

Feeling unworthy of God's love because I cannot seem to have One Day without some ugly shock, one asks, 'Is being here on Earth worth it? What is my next step? Why am I here?"

Every Wednesday I feel the loss and dazed orphan's tears I wept on the morning you quietly departed this World ~ I am sickened at not being by your side in those last hours of your Earthly Life ... Horrid things took place the evening before, and I was shocked, Momma ...

Those of the Cloth say God judges and God sees everything ... I will begin attending church services where it feels 'right'.  God is our only refuge and strength, not to mention, Friend, in the Dark of Life.  He is guiding my pen at this moment with my heart and soul feeling such nothingness as a human being ~

I love you Forever, Dearest Momma, and Poppa ~

Thank you for being golden people and great musician's with the values which really matter ~

Your very fatigued daughter ready to give up and Let Go ...

Your devoted Lizzie 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Mother and Father ~

On the day you wed each other, the sun shone brighter; the world rejoiced and the hearts of two young people overflowed with abundant young love and 'pinch myself twice' senses of God's miracle after your live's lived alone.~

Witnessing your Love Story every day of my life, my portrait was painted of how two people love, respect and support each other - always as a team & joint partnership ~

Your relationship which seemed the model of a great union formed my idea of what it is to love and make beyond the call sacrifices for another when your special 'other' is in need despite one's needs ... 

For your Lifetime together example, I give boundless thanks for I won't compromise your standard for its Truth not to mention Love ~

As I write these sentiments, I hear the breathing of one close by so must tend to getting some warm water with honey right now ...

I shall be thinking of you, my beloved parent's, on your special 4th Seventy Sixth Wedding Anniversary together in Heaven, on this day, January 7, 2017, so many decades ago yet still very much alive in my heart, thoughts & etched in my memory Forever ~

With my Eternally enduring Love ~

Your feeling alone Daughter, 'Lizzie'  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My dearest Momma and Poppa ~

On this January 4, 2017, Wednesday, I've awakened with a feeling of total emptiness in my heart -- realising it would be your 104th Birthday, Poppa, on Earth ... Momma is there in Heaven with you so this thought gives me some comfort ~ but my deeply missed parents, oh how enchanting it would be, if you were both still 'down here' and we could speak together and sing "Happy Birthday, dear Dad!" ... And we could laugh together, speak together of "things", whilst telling each other, 'I love you' ~

It is very painful without you both -- my loving parents and musical mentor's, to live on Earth without your presence.  Times here have become quite literally, insane and your (and my) beloved America seems determined to destroy all that is good to seek 'rights' which only God, Above, grants ... 

You always told me to never engage in political discussion with any excepting at home around our kitchen table, so I try to honour this, even amid the 2016 election season ~

On your One Hundred and Fourth Birthday, Poppa, I will play and try to put on a happier face than right now.  "Doggie" knows the significance of this day to me and said last evening, "your Father is happy with your Mother."  I pray this is true and must believe we, 'down here', haven't any idea of what is called 'life after death' ~

I read Scripture sometimes and it indicates "there are no more tears, nor sorrows ...."  I remember, Poppa, you had a revelatory experience '... due to the miracle of Science through the Hand of God', so you knew then that God Was ~ 

Today, January Fourth's 2017 'Quotation for the Day' reads ~

          'I have a mustard seed and I'm not afraid to use it.' 

When about aged 8 to 9, I remember being gifted with a mustard seed on a gold chain which I believingly wore about my neck! On your Birthday, dearest Poppa, I shall remember that mustard seed from which all good things grow and come ...

In honour of your Birthday, I'll also not write too much as you well know my heart is ever grateful and loving for the treasure of your parental love and teaching's until you were no longer able to stall leaving this Earth for Heaven's House ... 

On this Birthday 104 of Dad's, dear Momma, tell him, "his Lizzie' is trying to make the best of Life!'s challenges and well remembers his words of deep wisdom shortly before ascending "Up" ~ Also tell
him, Momma, 'I tried to keep my promise to you, Dad, to take care of Momma, and did so in spite of  huge roadblocks, many of which were like steel walls ..."  Dad will know of what I speak ~

Sending you all my love and a wish that this January Fourth 2017 Birthday shall be a joyful one for both of you - now forever together in the loving arms of each other ...

May God's Angels sing Happy Birthday to you, beloved Poppa!!!!

I love you both Forever and send One Hundred and Four B Day Kisses and Hugs on "Up" via 'God - Mail', Express Delivery!!!!!!!!

Your always admiring & loving Daughter ~

Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!

Dearest Momma ~ 

On this Christmas Eve, December 24, 2016, I want you to know I''m way behind for Christmas Day, tomorrow, December 25th, 2016, much of it due to brutally cold weather here which has interfered with going out for nearly 2 + more weeks.  We had an unprecedented blizzard 2 week ends ago, followed with unheard of cold which was way below zero many many days. This is still no excuse for my delay except to say I had to have all my yearly annual physical exams by a certain day, so if you can believe this, I've not sent even one Christmas card out yet!  

You are constantly in my thoughts and, even, in a few dreams as of late!  In a recent one you were driving your car then I suddenly had to drive the car with you next to me ~ Dreams are messages altho' I haven't yet figured out all of the hidden messages in that dream ~

Last night, I think, I was somewhere with you!  The dream seemed very clear upon waking yet right now I can't recall it! Yet the most important thing is that you do appear in my dreams and when I awaken and remember them, I feel so good because of a feeling we are in contact and you are speaking to me, dear Momma ~

You tried teaching me to "never let anyone abuse you; just turn it around."  Although difficult for me to learn this "Art", I am beginning to do so, even if it means getting tough! Viewing a programme the other evening with a brilliant Dr. speaking about this subject, he was saying, "we teach others How to treat us." Then also added, "Do not reward bad behaviour.."  This resonated deeply inside and I must learn to develop this ability in myself for 2017, &  throughout the rest of my Life here on Earth ...

It hurts that I was too late in ordering a Special Floral Gift for you and Dad due to circumstances truly beyond my control which will be put forward to, I hope, New Year's, okay?  Even f there are no flowers for Christmas Day, please know my heart is with you & Dad, and I've begun  reviewing both Violin Concerto's of Dmitri Shostakovich's No. 1 in a minor, playing the 1st mov't. Nocturne with my Russian born pianist several times, and I'm back on the Oistrakh Cadenza to Aram Khachaturian's Violin Concerto which you greatly encouraged me to "keep going as it sounds good"! I've also begun retracing my 'steps' in the Chaconne of Bach!! This is all to the good of my violin technique, sense of self and feeling like 'your Lizzie', plus a very important effort to climb back to my solo playing in preparation for some concerts & Master Classes here and in the UK, which will be given in an unusually special way ~

It looks as though we may be close to naming Nathan Milstein the Scond Greatest Violinist of All Time on our 2 year discussion which is comprised of some very astute violinists from all over the world who truly Love the Art of Great Violin Playing and music making!!! Needless to say, I am very happy to be involved in such positive activity with discerning colleagues who have become close friends as well!! We are a happy core group and as a result, I've become a 'proxy' Aunt to nieces in Italy, Portugal, Norway, and Cambridge in England!! How lovely is this!!!?  

With more news on the way, please accept all my love on this 2016 Christmas Eve for Christmas Day to you and Dad, whom I miss and give thanks for every day ... This World, Momma, has dramatically changed since you 'left' and I wonder aloud to Doggie what you would think & how you and Dad would react, feeling you are both safe in Heaven's House and with the Best of our Family, your dearest friends and great musicians you can now 'touch' ~ 

No one down here really knows what happens when Life cadences - as we Earthly bound human beings perceive things, but the motto of wonderful Television Network, EWTN's  "The World Over News" states, "we'll be back to report on all things seen and unseen ..." 

The above motto is most appropriate on this Christmas Eve night, so I will not interfere with its message of Hope and Faith ~

Sending you Three Years and Twenty Two & 1/2 Weeks of Hugs and Kisses with nearly Thirty Nine Years worth to beloved and greatly missed Poppa from 'Down here' Up to you and Dad, now together for your Fourth Year Christmas in Heaven Together ~

I love you, Momma and Poppa, Forever ~

Your Lizzie 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 To Momma on Your Fourth Birthday Together w/Dad in Heaven ~

On this very Special Day of your birth, on October 23, 1919, now on the year, 2016, I love you, adored Momma, as much as when a baby, child, teenager, young adult, more matured adult and now more seasoned adult with 4 + years of grieving, remembering Our Times w/ such enjoyment, music making, sharing much & more as Mother/Daughter as I was able to appreciate so much of what you had to share ~ especially in and about your later 'Twilight' years and until our last glances on Monday, June 17, 2013, when you heard 2 voices you had given birth to ~ those  of your son and myself, your daughter, then with iron determination - despite pain medication, you raised yourself up to half sitting position, opening your left eye & looking right at me &, I think, out of the inner corner of your left eye, also saw your son ~ 

Your last heroic gesture on Earth was a nod & huge gesture of love, and yes, some astonishment, at seeing/hearing US tell you how much WE LOVED YOU ~ I recall also telling you, "Cousin Bob called to say he is thinking of you constantly and sends all his love to you, his adored Aunt Betty!" ...  

This last Scene in your Final acceptance of the Cadence which was descending upon your Coda to the Symphony of your Earthly Life, is carved in Stone in my memory and heart for in looking back on this, your would have been Ninety Seventh Earthly Birthday, I begin to "see" your Life's Work had been achieved and even More 

~ You had decided to go to join your cherished, much beloved,& adored still in-love-with husband/soul-mate, Ralph, for your Mantra of total Independence had only been RX'd five nights prior, and the Betty we all knew, looked up to and so admired with love all our lives, wasn't going to accept anything less than a quote from one of our country's Foundng Father's, Patrick Henry's "Give me Liberty or Give Me Death" ~ 

You, my heroine Mother, left this Life on your own terms with little hesitation, & full awareness of Full Circle here on Earth completed.  For myself, the news was appalling, surreal and I was dazed ...

When we are next together in God's Time, I shall tell you things which are best left until such time as Our Creator determines ~ 

Meanwhile, please know a gorgeous and very large huge orchid plant "Doggie" bought me for Christmas which was stunning, then lost its exquisite flowers, bloomed only about 12 days ago, at first with 2 glorious Fushia with lighter pink inside orchids and 2 more in full bloom yesterday, Saturday, October 22, 2016, which I take as a definitive sign of God's message from you of your on going Love and message to me that you and Dad are together and okay 'Up There' in God's Kingdom in which there are no more tears, nor sorrows, but only love and beauty in Heaven ~

Sending you and Poppa a Divine Fourth Betty Birthday with Ralph in Heaven on Sunday, October 23, 2016 ...

I miss and love you, beloved Momma, Forever ~

Your "Lizzie" 

With 4 Years, 4 Months, + 5 Days of Hugs & Kisses via God-mail!!!

X X X X, XXXX, xxxxx + xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

Just want you to know I am very concerned about our country to the point I am going to vote for the person I feel has the most integrity and heart for the people of our country.  You and Dad are able to see far into the future from your Eternal location and I have faith you will appear in some form to advise me going forward ~

We had monsoon weather yesterday and evening and I thought to myself, 'at least this is so bad no one will be out to try shooting innocent people, and innocent people will stay home ...'

I practised an hour & one half, then had a lite supper as 'Doggie' was caught in the monsoon and had to dry off. "Things" have changed for the worst since you 'left', and I have actually found myself thinking, "Thank heavens Momma and Dad don't have to witness all this evil -- they are Up There with God and all the great musicians there whom they so loved and admired ..." I would not want you or Dad to be traumatized by truly horrid events occurring here in America and in our international allied countries as of late ~

Having some friends across the sea, I exchange views on great violinists and music which is a joy!  

Being up too late, I will take a nap, then touch Betsy!  Must get the rest of Prokofiev's Sonata #1 in f minor for Violin & Piano into concert performance shape & continue working on the Oistrakh Cadenza to the Khachaturian Violin Concerto, which you greatly encouraged me on!  I miss hearing you play the piano and your musical presence which was of the highest discernment and motivated by your truly genuine love of Music ~

Please know I'm trying to be worthy of being your daughter, but slip up sometimes, and ask 'Doggie', "What would Momma say?"In my heart, the answer/s usually appear ~

To the greatest woman and Mother any daughter could ever wish for, accept all my love and Eternal gratitude for you being You!

One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Forever Momma, OFF!!!!

Your Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

Having computer troubles, I just want to tell you how much I love you and miss you ...  On June 19, 2016, 3 Creme Roses in loving Remembrance of the Third Year Anniversary of your Earthly passing were placed on your resting place including one Aqua Rose for Dad plus my personal messages placed in the soil beside the Memory Stone of you and Dad, my deeply missed parents ~

Much to share, I will be back to write more when pressures lift soon, yet wish you to know a great compliment was offered to me from one who knew you, saying, " Elisabeth, your Mother is now in you as your decisions are being guided by her, and by your father.  Obviously, your parents instilled all the best moral values into you" ...

I love you both, Forever ~

With Three Years and Four Weeks of Hugs and Kisses,

Your Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

Today, June 3rd, as I just read the Quotation for the day from 'Day by Day', as well as from your small Friendship Quotation Book, I feel I must share this quote from Proverbs 27:10 with you now!

"Thine own friend. and Thy father's, forsake not."

Having had the piano tuned yesterday, and needing another soon to gradually yet surely bring it into an A-441 pitch throughout its 88 keys, I was somehow reminded of my last journey to Helsinki, in Finland, while putting "The Lord's Prayer", beautifully arranged by Norman della Joio, back on the piano music stand ~

What led to my return visit to Helsinki in the Winter of 1999, (as an invited First Sibelius International Violin Competition Laureate and winner, having been truly honoured with the 'Award for Solo Bach', including the invitation to perform the 'Adagio di molto' movement of Sibelius' Violin Concerto before the entire Family of the Giant Finnish Composer, Jean Sibelius, on his actual Centenery, for the official Finnish Government Inaugural Concert - Ceremony, then proclaiming the birth - house of Finland's greatest composer, Jean 'Sibelius, the 'Sibelius National Memorial Museum' on December 8, 1965, televised, Live, throughout continental Europe) was surely the reason for my invitation to present a 'Master Teaching Lesson' and short recital at the Sibelius Academy of Music, teaching Finnish pupils whatever concerto/s they wished to play to receive my impressions/suggestions ~ It was thrilling to be back on Finnish soil, meeting sincere young Finnish born Violinists with focused goals to become professional musicians!  If you recall, I actually rang you from my Hotel following a (for me) triumphant return to the Land of Sibelius at --pardon me again, Momma, 5:00 AM, Seattle time!  However, we were both truly overjoyed!

The next day I travelled by bus from Helsinki to Hameenlinna, an almost 2 hour ride, to revisit Sibelius' National Memorial Museum, to pay my respects to one of the greatest composer's in history, and to view the birth - house of Sibelius once more, signing a huge Visitor's Guest Book and including the names of both yourself and Dad, who so loved and greatly interpreted the Second Symphony of Jean Sibelius, not to mention Dad's brilliant conducting of the orchestral score accompaniment of Sibelius' Violin Concerto when we were touring Scandinavia and I was Dad's soloist in this great Violin Concerto ~ especially remembering the performance in Oslo's Aula Concert Hall. which you always had photographs of your beloved husband, Ralph, bowing on the podium, amid a glow of golden light, hanging in frames in your Family Room!  

In recalling my magical visit to the Sibelius National Memorial Museum, many very moving memories came vividly into one's mind, and the miracle of the Curator inviting me to come behind the golden ropes surrounding a very older piano with an almost black wood coloured 'Cello atop the piano ~ the Russian accented Curator, (knowing I had been invited by the Five Daughters of Sibelius to perform their father's Concerto slow movement in the Inaugural Ceremony) then led me by the hand behind the ropes to the piano with Sibelius' dark wood 'Cello atop, & after my staring in astonishment at being welcomed to view these 'tools' of the Master, who had composed some of classical Music's most profound Symphonies, Tone Poem's, Piano works, Songs, his great Violin Concerto, 6 Humoresque's, and Finlandia, (Finland's adopted 'national anthem'), the Curator invited me to, "Please play 'something', Ms. Matesky, on Sibelius' piano!" Not remembering if I ever told you about this, dearest Momma, I'm telling you now as it was/is a 'holy' experience and a once in a Lifetime occurrence!  In sitting before the keys on the piano keyboard of Jean Sibelius, one was truly overwhelmed at what must have been a providential moment in my life.  Suddenly, the glorious transcription of "The Lord's Prayer" of Norman della Joio, came vividly into my mind and knowing it was the only 'right' piece to play on the keys that had been home to the fingers of its owner, the genius, Sibelius, and had given birth to the Finnish composer's creations, I said an inner prayer to God to help guide my hands to all the correct notes whilst traversing the same keyboard Sibelius had travelled on much of his life to honour the Master ~ My prayer was answered as the keys seemed to know this Prayer, or my practised fingers of many nights to close my evenings for nearly 3 years prior to making this return to Finland, knew the "Lord's Prayer," sensing the utter specialness of this 'Sibelius Moment in Time Offering' on behalf of myself, you, Dad and one other ...

Upon the fading final cadence, there was silence with the Curator standing close by, then coming near and putting an arm of warm embrace on my right shoulder, who quietly said, "I'm absolutely sure Sibelius would have loved this being played so sensitively on his piano ... It was perfect, dear Ms. Matesky ~"

As we walked slowly into the living room which had been filled to more than capacity with chairs housing the members of the Family of Sibelius, Finnish musical dignitaries, the Finnish Minister of Culture, and all Five Daughters of Jean Sibelius, one of whom had tended to a gorgeous bouquet of flowers on her lap throughout the performance and Ceremonial Proclamation and Opening of the Sibelius National Memorial Museum, I felt desperately lonely seeing the empty spaces on that day in February,1999, excepting the extraordinary bronze Bust of the Head of Jean Sibelius atop a tall white block  stand which I had stared at on December 8, 1965, when being in the presence of his Family and musicians of historic significance on the Centenery Day of the birth of Sibelius as a very young American Violinist who would meet the Daughters of Sibelius, be hugged by them and greatly encouraged by all with that gorgeous Bouquet of homegrown flowers from their very ailing Mother's garden, who asked her Five Daughter's "to give you, Ms. Matesky, these flowers as 'a present for performing my husband's & our daughter's father's slow movement from his Violin Concerto for his 100th Birthday'!"  

It is now set down here, Momma, for you, Dad & God, 'Up There', and if, per chance, you and Dad have met the great composer, Jean Sibelius, in Heaven's House, please tell Maestro Sibelius how deeply honoured I continue to be in studying, and in performing his profound Concerto for Violin much of my life and thank him with eternal praise for his beyond Earth-bound creations of greatness in his sounds of emotions and thoughts which in his Fifth Symphony reach deeply into the bowels of the Earth's plate's of shifting Conflict. Sibelius knew and understood human beings and the inwards of the planet we inhabit while creating great Music in this phenomenon we call Life ~

I love you, Momma, Forever, and feel exactly the same sentiments for Dad ... Thank you, my dearly treasured parent's, for your love and God-like belief in me, your daughter, 'Down here', to use what Gifts from God ~ through you both, enable/d me to fulfill Until we are never to be separated in God's Eternity of Time ~

With enduring love plus 150 Hugs and Kisses ~

Your daughter, "Lizzie " 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

Having just had a very interesting conversation with a fellow musician about "things" in general, we were speaking of you, and your  influence on many people ~ even those who did not know you well, being quite profound!  My article in the Strad was 'edited' due to its length, which I had no concern about as it was being written as a Comment with no expectation or idea to have it published ~ I recall Dad's words about having been misquoted, so I am as careful as I can be to check my words several times prior to submitting anything. Many don't realise the impact of the printed word which behooves me to do as you always advised: to read it out loud to see if the paragraphs flow and the article as a whole flows. You were the best editor anyone could wish for!  Although tough, absolutely Top Drawer!!

As it is very late, I wish you to know a note was sent to you from me on May 26, 2016, which for mysterious reasons has not yet posted here?  This short Note of Love and Checking-in is being sent in hopes it will post and not be blocked as one wonders about the previous Note of Thursday, May 26, 2016, which was or has been dismissed by whomever is looking at my Check - In's to you?

Very sleepy, please know I miss you very much and think of you every day and pay heed to your voice of discernment and caring for me as of late ...

Falling asleep, I send you and Dad all my Love and utter gratitude for your lessons in Music and about Life which are more precious than gold or silver ~

To untie the God-phone line, as before, I'll count down now: One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Forever, treasured Momma, OFF!

Sending 149 Kisses and Huge Hugs to you both!

Your very much missing her Mother, Daughter ~

'Lizzie' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearly missed beloved Momma ~

If too much time passes, I feel strange coming back on here to get back "in touch" ... What an eerie feeling ~

It is late & my stomach has been upset much of this day, May 25, 2016?  Crying because I had truly hoped you would, somehow, come back here, I mentioned this feeling to my pianist who said it "might be a super-natural feeling ..."  We discussed the idea that none of us actually living here on Earth -- not even a genius like the great Albert Einstein, know for sure if you or Dad are here or not ~ Thus far, in human history, no one has been able to figure out what really happens, & on That Day, having to let you go and be driven in what I was told would be your last car ride, my heart sunk.  I had played my violin for you over 48 minutes non stop -- just us, together, with some favored pieces you loved ... I brought your favourite blouse ~ your 90th Birthday blouse with silk sheath underneath, and your black velvet skirt plus that gorgeous aqua silver shawl with fringe draped around your shoulders to keep you warm ~ The nurses dressed you & always know, you looked as pretty as we could do ... Wherever you went, you were beautifully dressed and Free, finally ~ But for me, it was a nightmare of anguished pain and utter emptiness that I was in some sort of trance. I kept cleaning your house, vacuuming everywhere and doing laundry then trying to practise, & watching "Mr. Selfridge" which was of enormous comfort as it was/is the true Life story of Harry Gordon Selfridge, from Chicago, who became Manager of the great department store in Chicago, Marshall Field's, then realised he could not go further in Chicago, and moved his family to London to pursue his dream and vision of a remarkable London department store which had never been -- right on famous Oxford Street, in what was in 1909, a grotty part of Oxford Street.  But Harry had a dream and vision, plus dazzling personality, which enabled him to attract grand British society people to him and invest in his department store which he began building in 1909, opening in late 1909!!!  It was extraordinary and very large for its time, but he hired all the 'right' people, and like Dad, saw untapped talent in those no matter where they came from!  This first Season of "Mr. Selfridge" was a revelation to me and it felt almost as though I was back in London during those last precious 6 weeks and 6 days I was with you excepting 3 days from May 3rd, 2013, Until ~ Momma, I pray to become the person you brought me up to be, and to live up to your and Dad's expectations  of me ~ both as a person, musician, friend, partner, and human being trying to live my life in honour of your life lived extraordinary example's (yours and Dad's) in harmony according to your values ...

There have been most unexpected challenges since you "left", I hope only 'temporarily', and despite unjustness, I'm trying to make you both proud of me ... Please know this and tell Dad!  On our discussion about Music, my friends have made wonderful compliments about you both which is a great comfort to me!

Feeling closer to you on this night of the 149th Week of your 6:50 AM Earthly departure, I am eternally grateful to God for you and Dad as my parents, for He brought the two of you together for all the right reasons, the greatest of which was true Love and adoring respect with unconditional faith and trust in each other ~ 

Your marriage lives in my heart and tells me what to do, say and How to be in untold numerous situations 'down here' ~ No matter how much I try and adapt, I miss you both terribly to tears shed alone many times when 'Doggie' isn't here, and sometimes even when he is ... We speak glowingly of you, Momma, and always, with love ~

I send you One Hundred and Forty Nine Hugs and Kisses 'Up' while awaiting your next "appearance" in my dreams ... Please don't be too long before your next visit, okay!?

I love you, dearest Momma, and Dad, Forever and More ~

Your "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My dearest Momma ~

I just lost my note to you, spending over an hour writing it, but as I have leaned, "Let Go and Let God"!!! So, this will be the shortest note of remembrance on this One Hundred Forty Fourth Week of your Earthly passing ~

Very sleepy, please know a portion of my Treatise on the rigours demanded in order to perform/record the towering Sibelius Violin Concerto have been published as "Letter to the Editor of the Month" in the March 2016 issue of the Strad Magazine,in London, UK, which is distributed all over the World!  

I never wrote quietly one evening in late January, 2016, in the Comments section, with any intent for my views to be published!  It was a real surprise to be contacted by the "powers that be" with such wondrous (to me) news!  

Anyway, I shall write more about this later, but must get more sleep -- much needed, and enjoy correspondence and violin later this day, Wednesday, April 27, 2016 ~ The movement of Time is not lost on me, to be sure, for I am assured and aware of your presence in my heart, mind/thoughts & decision making processes most waking hours ... 

Momma!  I'm so proud to be your daughter ~ the Daughter of Ralph and Betty Matesky!!

I think you both would like "Mountains of Energy"!!! 

I love you, Forever, as I also love Dad ...

For the moment, One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Eternally, OFF!

Your busy 'caller' on God's 'Heaven-Line', conserving Time, $$$, and Energy ...

Please accept my enduring Love ~

Your "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Marvellous Momma ~

Just hearing and watching Josef Gingold teaching an impassioned pupil in the glorious 'Rain' Sonata No. 1 in G Major for Violin and Piano of your beloved composer, Johannes Brahms, with far too many overly impassioned 'passions' in those moments requiring deep contemplation and spiritual calm, I know prayer is embedded into this exquisite score of the Master, Brahms ~ 

Maestro Gingold finally stops her and the camera's out of obvious frustration.  The very gifted pupil hasn't the musical background steeped in lush and enriched soil of 'Brahmsian' terrain nor culture to feel nor convey the majesty of this ethereal work with the subtle undertow of Brahms' passion for which I am truly saddened ~ and am immediately penning my thoughts to you while getting upon bended knees to Thank you for being the great musician you were, always shall be, and remain amongst those rare true blue lover's of great Music ...Momma, you were always a "Brahms player" w/ an ennobled soul possessing an inner depth of limitless respect for the profound musical expressions and sentiments of Brahms ~ Hearing you as a child when you would practise your beloved Piano later at night, going over and over that wondrous Intermezzo of Brahms in g minor, was your DNA transfusion into my own musical perception and conception of How, What and Why the Music of Johannes Brahms WAS, and dearly beloved Mother-Mentor, your great talent and utter sub-missal of yourself -- minus any hint of ego, taught me to be a musician without any ego based intentions ~ ever, yet to forever strive being a Servant of Music ~

You and Dad were musicians because you could not help but be what your inner soul's craved and cried out for throughout your lives!  My musical equilibrium and instincts are gifts from you both which are in a currency not of this world, but harken from 'another' which was inhabited by the greatest artists, poets, philosopher's ~(i.e. as Rumi ) and that of Michelangelo and Leonardo di Vinci!  Bach, Beethoven and Mozart, et al, also inhabited this "other world" with Brahms occupying much living & breathing space, to be sure!!  (The "List" is long but rare and short when composed from billions of people's having lived on Earth for over 2000 years of civilization, as we know it ~ ) For myself, I would put our Lord, Christ, Jesus, as Número Uno to begin such a "List"...

A younger Violinist wrote to me earlier this week, saying, "You are a very lucky person/ musician"!  She is so correct, but the soil of Music I grew up and was planted in is the Root of any 'success' which may display itself and from which both my legendary violin mentor's were easily able to mould and stretch, for all had been shaped by God through you and Dad, the parents He brought together which was and remains divine!

How I love and miss you, dearest Momma and Poppa ~

"Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
             xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In Loving Memory of dearly missed Momma, Betty Matesky ~

                                            "Lizzie"

                             For Momma in Memoriam ~

                         October 23, 1919 --- June 19, 2013

               Salt Lake City, Utah ------- Bothell, Washington

After One Hundred and Forty Seven Weeks, I love you even more 

                              Your daughter, Lizzie

Dear Momma ~

Just to say I love you and tried to send you a medium length note 2 days ago with no success on the computer ~

A tough time as construction is in full swing and one is overdone if too close by to it.  But when I was practising both the Sibelius and Khachaturian Violin Concerto's, it felt good!  One realise's that even if one won the Lottery and became a person of means, the instrument would not care nor know!  All it knows is if the Hands of its owner have been to visit since the day before!  Even a trillion dollars would not make any difference if not practising!  One is either allegiant to the instrument or not ~

This is my revelation for the day which you know better than I ~

As always, "One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Forever ~ OFF!!"

Your daughter who misses you more than words can say ~

"Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

I had written a long letter and the computer just lost it which is deeply upsetting ...

As I must get a nap, I will simply say how very much I miss you and Dad, and try to follow all you taught me, both in Music and in living, but sometimes it is difficult to live up to your standards!  Indeed, few can or ever will do so ...

I will be back to fill you in on 'stuff' and wish you to know we got some gorgeous purple-fuchsia flowers for you last Satuday before Easter Sunday, to honour you and placed them with lots of lovely greenery in a beautiful Vase right in the front window with the Sun shining in on your Easter Flowers!  "Doggie" and I enjoyed getting these for you which made me very happy knowing you would truly love the colours and, especially, at Easter!

Returning back very soon, please know we speak of you every day and my heart misses you both more and more ~ Momma, there are 'things' happening down here since you 'left' which would deeply upset you and Dad, so just know I am trying to cope with Events no one in America or abroad could have imagined just 2 years ago ~ Hopefully, with time and realistic planning, this off-its-Axis World will come back to a balance, desperately needed by all people's on Earth ...

Thinking of you both all the time and saying prayers in both your names, I love you Forever ~

As before ~ One, Two, Three, Four, I Love You Forever, Momma ~ OFF!!  (Don't want to tie up God's email Inbox or telephone line!)

Your very much missing you daughter, "Lizzie" + 144 Hugs and Kisses 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

Having weird sleep patterns as of late, I got here on the iPad which hasn't worked for several months getting me here, so wonders never cease!!  

I think of you and Poppa every day and sometimes begin weeping when hearing a great Masterwork like the Beethoven Symphony No. 3, as Monday evening when 'Doggie' arrived very late for dinner, and we sat down to turn on the TV to a local orchestra performance of the Beethoven Symphony #3.  So frustrated by the complete lack of understanding and vast ignorance of the depths of human emotions the Giant, Ludwig van Beethoven, plumbs in this great score, not to mention the drab reading through of such a gem, I told 'Doggie', "You should have heard my father conduct this ~ it was remarkable!  No wonder all of us under his tutelage became so renowned -- all due to very early exposure to great concepts of Beethoven's scores and deep messages contained within his masterpieces"!  Then I said, "I've got to get out of here -- I can't stand the utter lack of passion or half conducting from this person on the podium ..."  We turned it off.  Momma, there are few Great's and when I read a retort from an amateur know-it-all on our Discussion Group of 'The Top 10 Violinists', in response to my most unusual comments posted late Sunday evening regarding 'my having great troubles with wagging tongues from those who could never imagine nor achieve the artistic peaks of Jascha Heifetz, then trying to psychoanalyse Heifetz, it wreaks of arrogance and stupidity.  Simply put: those who have never done nor achieved that of Heifetz shouldn't be allowed to comment on so unique an artist and person never having existed before nor during or After his life on Earth, as (I wrote) "you don't know people like that for there is no person on Earth you have ever met who is Jascha Heifetz!"  What a nerve to speak about Genius and its downside consequences whilst living here on Earth ... Imagine the unimaginable pain Jesus felt during His Thirty Three Years on Earth, seeing, knowing the Hearts and Machinations of Men who created their own forms of H-l- on Earth, yet because of the Genius given to Jesus from His Father, God, He loved the worst in spite of their evil ... My goodness ~ You and Dad have, by now, been in direct conversation and communion with Jesus Christ!!  He
is looking after you both, and this gives me Peace and Comfort ~

Not knowing what shall pour forth from my pen which is the conveyer of all in my heart, I give these thoughts and concerns to God for His Heavenly care ~ Momma, at least my debut on the NBC "Tonight Show with Johnny Carson" gave me the golden opportunity to express to Mr. Carson and his vast television audience all over North America, my views of the truly marvellous and unique personal qualities Mr. Heifetz possessed, which if re-televised in God's perfect time, will combat and shatter the wagging tongues of some in the "God's Fiddler" Movie, who told tales out of school long After J.H. Is gone and not 'down here' to speak for himself .. I am so grateful for that extended time Johnny Carson granted me to inform millions of people about the kindness and true wit of Heifetz, amongst numerous other personal virtues ~

Very very tired & distressed about these odd hours of going to sleep at ridiculous times as of late, I must keep Dad's constant words to me for as long as I can remember, saying, "Lizzie, take good care of your health!"  Now I will start afresh, having been given the Gift of my iPad suddenly working 'right' and allowing me to pen you a New Year 2016, January 19th emailed Note via God's Mail now!!

Hoping you and Poppa enjoyed your huge Red Rose with Silver Bow and Dad's slender Red matching Candle with small Silver bow-tied ribbon near the neck of his candle, to celebrate your Third New Year's in Heaven together with all other beloved Family 'Up There', I wish you to know how very much I love you, mourn your Earthly presence, and deeply miss listening to & talking with you ...

With eternally enduring Love and over 134 Hugs and Kisses ~

Your Up Far too Late Daughter, 

Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~ 

Still having computer problems, it is now December 20, 2015, and I haven't been here to to write to you due to performances, practise for them; and writing projects to honour the One Hundred and Fiftieth Birthday of Jean Sibelius, whom as you and Dad know, I was privileged to perform his slow movement, 'Adagio di molto', of the Violin Concerto for the Sibelius Family (including all Five Daughter's of Sibelius) on the actual Centenery, 50 years ago!  Writing about my experience in Helsinki-winning the Special Award for Unaccompanied Bach which included the invitation to perform the Master's Violin Concerto in his birth - house in Hameenlinna, Finland, for the Finnish Government/Sibelius Family Inaugural Concert/Ceremony proclaiming the birth - house of Jean Sibelius the "Sibelius National Memorial Museum" on December 8, 1965, was one of the great honours of my life as a musician!  Being presented with homegrown flowers from Madam Sibelius as 'her present for playing her husband's slow movement of his Violin Concerto', following my performance by the eldest daughter of Sibelius, was truly surreal!  I believe, Momma, that is where my concertising career began -- in Sibelius' birth-houe on the Centenery of the Master, who as I wrote in both articles, was called, "the most Profoundly Moral Composer of the Twentieth Century ~"  Of course, the 'Prelude' of my concert playing career had begun just 3 months prior to December 8, 1965, when we were on tour in Scandinavia and Dad was conducting my performances of Sibelius' Violin Concerto in Copenhagen, Stockholm, and that very special performance in Oslo in the Aula Concert Hall on September 8th, 1965, -- (how coincidental as the date was exactly 3 months prior to my performance for the Centenery of Jean Sibelius' 'Adagio di molto' movement before all living members of the Sibelius Family!)  On our tour we concluded in Bergen, Norway, on the day of elections, and performed our final concert with a Bang!!  

Reading,'All things work for Good to those who love God'~   I must believe this and realise that although not feeling too well today with a very bad cold (at the least) here I am --able to "be with you" after far too long a time ~  

I miss you very much and poignantly so when hearing some remarkable recordings as of late, especially Mr. Heifetz's 'offering' of the 'Havanaise' of Camille Saint Saens, thinking of you and Dad and of our home -- growing up with Music always.  I so miss that, Momma ~  Getting tired, I will now leave off and come back very soon to mention other news.  I must believe you and Dad are together and away from all the confusion of this present World which is too much for many people to absorb as of late.  Not wishing to upset you, I shall not mention things which have never existed before but have recently taken place 'down here', and which we all pray shall be a bad nightmare soon enough ...

Sending you and Poppa all my love which never ends and is so poignant when hearing Heifetz in his heavenly playing of the 'Havanaise', I can tell you when it is my time to 'leave', I wish to see you and Poppa again ~ Music is my Truth as it always was for you and Dad ... How wonderful that you enriched my life with your devoted and pure love of great Music which was always the motivation for your playing and none other ~

I thank God for you and Dad, my dearest Mother ...

With nearly 129 Kisses and Hugs from 'down' here for now,

Your eternally loving daughter ~

"Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

I have been experiencing terrible computer problems and admit being at the end of my rope ... Nothing is working. Please know I am thinking about you so much and wept the other evening being reminded of your suffering in the last few Chapters of your very holy lived Life ~ The reality of your absence here on Earth is sometimes too much for me to bare ... The past week was very emotional and I reached a point of wishing to go to a far away place to practise my fiddle and forget everything else.  It had been happily peaceful here, yet late last night monster's returned after a long absence. It is going to take all the courage we have to finally put an end to a two year assault. Some are not real people; just excuses for such. It is said "God didn't make junk"... With all due respect, sometimes Junk gets onto Earth, and to be blunt, it is called Evil.  No other words are adequate. I cannot fathom such nastiness and deliberate injury perpetrated on innocent people ~ 

 When Pope Francis was here in America recently, His Holiness, upon making a homage to Ground Zero, commented,, "It is most difficult for me to understand the mystery of such Evil ..."  Even His Holiness, The Pope, can not fathom such wretchedness ... In light of such profundity, one asks, who am I to understand?  A rather marvellous Catholic Priest just answered my cry by reminding all listening to accept there are things in Life we cannot understand and are beyond our control.  He said, "when we worry, we waste precious energy and worry only brings wrinkles ~" He went on to say "we must be content with that we like, and grateful for what we do have" ... A lady is now suggesting to have Sunday to rest, recoup our energies, and pray, including having some fun on Sunday's!  She said we should pray for each other and it identified her as a representative and Host for Catholic Moms ... How lovely!

Loving you and Dad, please know I am trying to follow my path as a musician, but it is seemingly more and more difficult, so one may delete whatever is required to follow that which is my mission whilst still here on Earth ~

As it is time for brunch on what is a beautiful day here, accept all my love and deep yearnings to be with you again in God's Time ...

Sending 120 Hugs and Kisses plus millions more to you both ~

Your "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

Having missed you very much, October 1st marked my Birthday, which we always celebrated together, even if I was apart from you, physically ...  This Birthday was most 'unorthodox' and as you and Dad are now in Heaven, in the Hands of God, you both know how my Birthday went ... 

In many aspects, it was a joyful day, receiving over 35 Happy Birthday messages from Facebook friends, including Cousin Donna, and even more of them on the professional site I belong to, including a gorgeous floral bouquet which arrived from London to my great surprise, a heartened gift from "Doggie", and celebration of my Heifetz film which people all over the world can now access on a place called YouTube, which was posted on a Discussion website I have been privileged to be part of since earlier this 2015 year!  It was/is an honour to receive many compliments from highly professional string colleagues and to have learned from our Leader on my Birthday, "you are now, officially, considered a Great, and we want more of your recordings and video's!"  This musical gesture from the "Top 10 Violinists of All Time" core Discussion Group moved my heart and re-ignited one's inner confidence, determining to continue my journey again in the Violin Concerto of Aram Khachaturian!  By now, I feel this work is an integral part of your/our family storyline ~

I paid written homage to you both, and about you, Poppa, who insisted I audition for Jascha Heifetz on the Khachaturian, despite my protests of not being good enough nor wanting to be a concert soloist, until I gave in and practiced 6 and even 7 hours daily with you, dearest Momma, accompanying/ boosting me up at the piano, patiently going over and over the first movement with me and with you, Dad, sometimes listening to point out performance error's, even after our violin lesson reviews prior, following your exhaustive hours working all day. My gratitude to you both can never ever amply be expressed ~ I am forever and eternally grateful for and to you both!

Your gifts of musical pedigree to me were of such rarity combined with great love and imparting tough discipline which, at this and other rugged times in my life, carry me ~  Your teachings of all things Music, Violin and how to live are safe guards and protection. Your words are prominently etched into my memory and present in darkest moments as well as in the happiness of sunshine ~

I thank you both from the bottom of my heart for all you taught me witnessing your example's.  You taught that love comprises compromise but not compromising one's deep inner values of what is right, just, true and fair. I am holding on to that and attempting to adhere to this principle of living on Earth, which stems right from The Golden Rule, which you both embraced and lived by ...

Feeling tired rpresently, I will leave off, but shall return much sooner than later to be with you, my beloved Mother and Father, whom I continually love, miss and mourn ~

For old time's sake, I'll count down, dearest  Momma, before parting on this October 3rd, 2015 Day, by saying, "One, Two, Three, Four, OFF!" I love you Forever, and Forever shall last until the End of Time!

With more than one hundred and seventeen Hugs and Kisses,

Your adoring daughter ~

Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest beloved Momma!!

Thinking of you so much. Dearest Momma, sleep calls and I cannot fight it right now, but when refreshed tomorrow on Labor Day, 2015, I shall be back here to share some dreams, happenings and goals imagined in dreams or somewhere, to share my most inner thoughts and hopes with you!!

     For now, accept One hundred and fourteen weeks of unconditional love and wrenching awareness of some of your own unspoken battles to survive and prevail ...  I know Dad is more than proud of you!

                              With tons of love in your lap?

                                    Elisabeth or 'Lixxie'

     To say the least, so am I, your little baby daughter on her way to authentic adult-hood!  As you know, the stakes couldn't be higher in Christian terms  ~

       One, Two, Three, Four nd OFF, for now ~

                     Your befuddled daughter ~

                                    "Lizzie ' ~
           
                   (elisabethmatesky@ gmail.com!

 To be continued, dear Momma!  Elisabeth Matesky

I think of and miss Betty regularly. She is one of a kind.  Communication with Lizzie ads to the many good memories.  Leianne & I will say a special prayer for & to her.

Dearest beloved and very much mourned Momma ~

Today, Friday, June 19, 2015, marks the Second Year Anniversary of Your Earthly Ascension Up to Heaven ~ I have been thinking of you, non stop, all day and although a bit tired, will go to my fiddle a little later to practise and to the piano to play some Bach to honour you ...  

'That Day', dearly missed Momma, was the equal worst day of my life along with the horrible early morning hour (4:40 AM) years prior when we lost Dad, the love of your life, your forever loving husband ... Our journey together following Dad's passing was one of self examination, reflection and growth of spirit as the years stretched into a decade and onward ...  

For the great gift of over a quarter of a Century to know you as a woman who learned to 'drive' her life without her life partner at her side, who evolved and became the sole Captain of her Ship, while sailing on both high and low sea's, I am eternally grateful to the One Above who made it possible for your daughter to observe you in situations of every description too numerous to mention here ~ 

Your many actions and responses to actions of others were each precious lessons to me which now are priceless ~ When friends have problems and issues which are overwhelming to them, who ask me for advice, I am much more able to give wise counsel due to my "Lessons from Betty School", which God obviously knew would be my personal 'Rod and Staff' now, going forward and later  in Life ...

With all the above said, I still cannot fathom how much more I could have learned had your health held out and the illness which claimed your Earthly Life had never existed ... I have real difficulty understanding and dealing with loss and try to reach out to those grieving and suffering the largest to the smallest losses of whatever/and those who matter so much to them.  It must be stated that I am in no way in a position to 'judge' what is largest or smallest or anything no matter who or what it may be.  When a person is weeping, his/ her tears come from the soul and heart and call for gentle understanding.

Losing you here on Earth is huge for me and for most people I've encountered in these two years since June 19, 2013 ... 

I know, dear Momma, without a doubt that it was my privilege to help and take care of you and that my last "Lessons from Betty" during the time from Summer, 2011, to June 19, 2013, were God's Gift through you, my irreplaceable Mother, to me for your Lessons have been and must continue carrying me throughout the rest of my Earthly residence 'Down here' until I come to be with you and Dad 'Up There' some day ~

For old time's sake, I'll count down so my pen stops writing and allows others to write to loved ones on God's 'God-Mail'!

"One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Forever, deeply cherished Momma, OFF!"
 
Sent with 104 Hugs and Kisses on June 19, 2015, to you and Poppa ~

Your eternally proud daughter, Lizzie 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My beloved Momma ~

Exactly 2 years ago, June 17, 2013, I was with you at your bedside stroking your hand, and despite your being knocked out with pain medication, you knew I was there and when your two adult children stood together on your right, silently at first then speaking softly to you and one said, "Mom, we love you", you amazingly opened your left eye, saw us and raised yourself almost to a sitting position, and it was so unexpected you could find the strength and utter will to look and get at least half way up, I don't recall any words being spoken in that astonishing moment or moments for the three of us which would be the last time of togetherness on this Earth ~

I believe just prior to opening your left eye, I told you "Cousin Bob called and sends you all his love", and your son mentioned someone ... Truly, it is all rather a blurr, but those moments of your last act of love shall stay etched in my memory forever ...

Thank you for being the greatest woman I've ever known in my life and for showing me how to live; how to be; how to behave, even in horrid circumstances; for your resolve and almost super human ability to do as you said; for a buoyant attitude about Life and how to "Float", which I find myself quoting more and more to those who are full of despair and lack hope ... I could fill up this Guest Book listing your extraordinary qualities as a human being, woman, wife, Mother, great Friend, Aunt, very tender little young daughter of your adored Mother, Irene, and doting daughter of your father, who loved and treasured his young angel, Betty ... Lest I forget to mention you were probably the most loving sister in the world to both your siblings, and a great teacher of not only the piano, but of love for and of Music.  Your sterling example of modesty is unmatched in anyone I have met or have yet to meet ~. "Doggie" always says when speaking of you, "your Mother had the qualities of Her Majesty The Queen, Queen Elizabeth II of England.  There are true similarities in their demeanors."  I am so proud of you, my beautiful Mother!  How could any daughter be more blessed?

Having a very quiet evening, listening to that sentimental favourite, "As Time Goes By", I'm tearing up thinking about the truth and inner wisdom in the title of that classic melody ... Time is going by, dearest Momma, and I was able to do something' right' this past Monday, June 15, 2015, in having the idea and absolute feeling of "this must be done" to honour my longtime stand partner, a brave World War II Veteran in the United States Navy, "Tommy", who served this country with great dignity and courage on the American aircraft carrier, the Lexington, in the South Pacific, amidst some of the most brutal battles against the Japanese.  He never speaks about it, but as he is presently aged 93, and has some aging related ill's, it seemed the 'right' time for the orchestra to honour him for his distinguished service to our country, his marriage to his beloved, now late wife; their having raised four children; his years as a member of the Atlanta Symphony, and nearly 48 years teaching Music to thousands of school children here in Chicago and the suburbs, plus his being a Deacon in his Church, and a truly great friend and colleague through the years.  So, I went to work calling the 'powers that be' to ask their blessings and received remarkable support!  

We had a "Touché" performed at the end of our last rehearsal on Monday, which as you recall, is the highest compliment/honour an orchestra can give to a musician, which is very very rare, indeed!  Just before my former late "boss", the great Sir Georg Solti, Music Director of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra stepped down, he was given a Touché led by the great CSO Principal Trumpet, Adolph "Bud" Herseth, and the Chicago Symphony Brass section just prior to Solti's departure from the stage of Orchestra Hall!  The great Herbert Von Karajan was also accorded this high honour by 'his' Berlin Philharmonic shortly before his passing  ...  

On Monday, Momma, we were also blessed to get hold of the full orchestral score and all orchestral parts to "Victory at Sea" -- that astonishing score of Roger's and Hammerstein which I have loved from the first time I ever heard it on the soundtrack of a black and white U.S. Navy film documentary displaying authentic World War II Navy Destroyer ships on the High Seas ... That exquisite musical theme which is the core of this 'miracle' score has touched my heart all my life.  It seemed just 'right' to play during our Salute to "Tommy"!  They miraculously found all the parts in our Librarian's home Sunday evening, just in time to take to the hall to put out on all music stands.  Seeing "Victory at Sea" on our First Violin, 1st Stand, was cause for me to almost leap up in the air!!  Suffice to say, the Tribute to our WWII Veteran and musical colleague was a sensation!  None of us could have imagined the extraordinary spirit and heartfelt reading of our fabulous brass section conducted by our former Air Force Conductor, brilliantly!  Momma, "Victory at Sea" united all in the orchestra in such a way, it shall never be forgotten!  It brought out the Best of America in all of us ~ of this, I am sure!  And, in a moment of standing before the orchestra paying Tribute to my great friend, "Tommy", your daughter started sobbing uncontrollably before the entire orchestra -- thinking of you and of Dad, newly married, so in love, and struggling along, with a baby on the way!  And seeing "Tommy" light up like a Christmas Tree while we were playing our hearts out in That Theme in "Victory at Sea" , tears of joy, melancholia and a deep happiness that this was actually occurring, with tears rolling down my cheeks even on to "Betsy", I felt, "Lizzie, you've done something right!"

Your love and Dad's love for this country is alive in my heart and soul.  I can honestly tell you that this "Happening" on Monday, June 15, 2015, brought me more pride and joy than even the elation I felt upon playing my Violin Recital at The White House for the State Dinner before President Carter and his visiting guest, the French Premier, which was stellar to be sure, yet this Salute to WWII Veteran, "Tommy", in the 'Twilight' of his life was one of the greatest experiences of my life.  A voice deep inside my heart told me, "Momma and Dad are proud of you!"

Signing off as it is late with a 'must go' date for some monitoring tomorrow, I'd better take my leave for now and will be very much with you on Friday, June 19, 2015, giving Thanks for your remarkable Life here on Earth, and for all great blessings which are from you and Dad, and God in Heaven, you are forever the Root of my Life.  I love you more than my pen can ever express ~

Praying for Better, accept my enduring love on June 17, 2015 ...

Nearing 104 Hugs and Kisses ~

I love you, Forever, dearest Momma,

Your "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

Right now I managed to get KUSC Radio on and they are broadcasting Capriccio Espagnole of Ravel for full orchestra!  As you will remember, I made a transcription of this entire work for Solo Violin and performed it on a Chicago CAN Television Special for the 2000 Millennium Show, which was really a great thrill and all in the television Studio were with mouths dropped open!  Hearing the orchestral score is bringing so much back, and I will go to my original manuscript a bit later after doing warm ups, and practise a few passages!  

This is just what I needed!!  It is so uplifting and full of dash!  If we were at home together, I would comment on the Concertmaster solo's in the orchestra recording, but won't here.  The great very recently late Spanish Conductor, Raphael Fruhbeck de Burgos, led the London Symphony Orchestra in this recording. I had the privilege of playing under him when in the Chicago Symphony Orchestra!  We have lost another platinum musician, Momma ...  It hurts ~

This KUSC Host, Rich Caparella, is very good and friendly to the radio listening audience.  He is a friend of J.'s!

I miss you and "Doggie" is presently here ~ now asleep to this music -- happy as a 'dog' and cute as they come!

I really enjoyed making my transcription for Solo Violin of Capriccio Espagnole, which was done in under 7 days, and practiced like crazy to perform it on December 29, 1999, before flying out to be with you for the 2000 New Years celebration in your lovely home ... It was a very happy time, and I thank you again for that very loving and celebrative holiday!!

Sending Eternal love to you and Dad on this Saturday, May 30, 2015, afternoon from Chicago ...

"One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Forever, my dearly beloved Momma, OFF!" ~

Your Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S. I was able to help my neighbor, Marti, last night, who has a stress fracture of her left ankle ... She is a special person who has always been kind to "Doggie" and me ~

Dearest Momma ~

It is Memorial Day and 'Doggie' is still working ... Heard a dull performance of the Tchaikovsky Symphony #6 , "Pathetique" by Fritz Reiner ... Not the same as that incredible Herbert Von Karajan recording!

Just saying Hello and missing you, I send my love on this rather dreary Memorial Day ~ thinking of all those extraordinary people who gave their lives to preserve all we still enjoy in this country ...

I love you Forever, Momma ~

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My dearest Momma ~

Thinking of you so much, I have the quiet to write to you.  It is Sunday, May 24, 2015, and for the first time in over 2 weeks, I really slept in, and in so doing, feel utter fatigue of the past several weeks ...  That said, I saw the Finale of Season III of "Mr. Selfridge", my favourite television series from BBC Masterpiece which always airs on PBS (public television).  It started in March, 2013, and I just loved it!  It is all about the dreams and accomplishment of seeing those dreams of Chicago born, Harry Gordon Selfridge, become vibrant reality!

After becoming General Manager of the great Marshall Field's department store here in Chicago, and being there for twenty years, Harry leaves Marshall Field's to go to London in the year, 1909, 10 years before you came into the world!  He is blessed with an Angel of a wife, Rose, and a devoted Mother, and his three children.  Nothing stops him from pressing forward to build the most splendid department store London has ever seen!  

His store, "Selfridge's", opens in late 1909, to the utter astonishment of all London, and revolutionizes shopping forever!  Harry Gordon Selfridge is a splendid man, who deeply cares about people, believes in his vision, and is a larger than life entrepreneur with the abilities to make things happen which never were before!  I absolutely loved (and still do love) these exceptional qualities as showcased in the person and true story of Harry Gordon Selfridge, who, Momma, came to be known as "the Earl of Oxford Street"!  In London, Oxford Street is the world's longest shopping street with shops/ stores for miles!  

In the beginning Harry chooses a location on Oxford Street which was considered "grotty" as the English say!  He turns this part of Oxford Street into the most fashionable, high - end shopping district not only in London, but in all the world which still remains to this writing -- May 24, 2015!!  I used to pass Selfridge's when on Oxford Street, occasionally browsing, but rarely buying anything  because it was/is pretty pricey!  

While this last Finale episode aired several times this week, I was in tears due to seeing so called friends abandon Harry or take advantage of his trust, leaving him heartbroken because a woman he truly fell in love with, and whom he asked to marry (following the shattering passing of his beloved wife, Rose, at the end of last Season), and turns out to have a past as a scam artist, but does love Harry, pleads with him to go ahead with their plans to build Harry's Memorial to his late wife, Rose Selfridge, called the 'Selfridge Estates', to provide housing for returning WWI veterans, and to then wed. As this poignant scene ends, Harry tells her to get out of his life and store, saying, "I won't call the police, but I don't love you because you are not what you portrayed yourself to be. How could I have possibly expected to find any woman to come close to my beloved late wife, Rose?" As Nancy Webb, the name of the character, continues sobbing, she says, "Harry, you are very vulnerable to women but wouldn't have been with me ..."  Harry, with tears rolling down his cheeks, pauses, knowing her words are truthful, but it is over ...

Momma, my faith in most has been deeply shaken, and I have been depressed by so many hurts that I hurt when seeing such a splendid soul like Harry Selfridge being kicked when down, and have been drawn back to thinking of things you had to endure as a tender young child, yet you channeled such deep pain in to an iron determination to succeed in Life and your resulting person-hood continues to be my inspiration ...

Thank you for being you; for being the loving woman you were despite huge disappointments from some who fell so short of what exterior faces expressed yet falsely ~

I love you and miss you.  For this reason, I shall "not stop" as Sir Georg Solti once advised me to do.  Only by God's grace will I continue my life and things I love doing to not let you and Dad down, but am told to rest up a bit right now by RX ...

Watching an inspiring movie, "Happy Gilmore", he prevails over a real cheat in golf to win the biggest golf tournament for one reason: to buy his Grandmother's house back for her, the woman he most loves in the World and who "only wants you, Happy, to be happy!"

The End!

Sending you all my love through "God - Mail", I'll count down ~

"One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Forever, Momma ~ OFF!!"

96 Hugs and Kisses to you and Dad!

Your Lizzie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Momma~ 

I wrote you from my heart twice. It will not post here so I will have to have faith God will let you know all I wrote from my heart, and because I was quiet and not bothering Carlo, he was moving around, behaving in an unexpressed anger.  Being frustrated at losing my heart felt note to you, doing nothing but quietly writing the thoughts in my heart and soul, I'm now punished for doing something which didn't cause any harm.

My life must change ~

Somehow, I will hope to hear your words or see you and Dad in my dreams for guidance ...

I love you, Momma ~

Please kiss Dad for me

Your "Lizzie" 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

On this Easter Sunday, April 5, 2015, I want you to know my heart is with you and Dad more than ever ... I wish we could speak together again, yet realise it shall probably be awhile before this is possible.  With an Earthly lifetime of memories to recall, I am most comforted we are very much 'in touch' in ways which appear invisible, but are deeply spiritual and known by the three of us and by God ~. Isn't this what really matters in the scheme of "Things"?

Planning some good practise later on Brahms, which I know you both love deeply and played from your souls whilst here on Earth, I feel closer to you, for as it says in Scripture, " ...neither ... nor death can separate us from those whom we so love ..."  Not being a Biblical authority or anywhere approaching that, I just believe this to be steeped in truth and take it on faith!  

Today, Two Thousand and Fifteen years ago, Christ Jesus rose from the Tomb, and changed the World ... None of his Earthly detractors nor enemies could stop His Mission, and God, His Father, was well pleased ...  The unspeakable horror of pain and utter betrayal of even those closest to Jesus is paramount in my mind on this Easter ~ for now I "see through a glass darkly" as I never could before ~

We visited a dear friend who underwent major Open Heart Bypass surgery just two weeks ago who is amazing!  He spoke eloquently last evening, moving me to tears flowing from Truth .. He has a deeper connection to God than most as a result of a very close brush with where he could have been ... Forever grateful for his friendship and growing friendship with 'Us', I give enormous Thanks for God's grace ... Surely, you and Dad, Momma, will be 'there' whenever God decides our friend  has completed his work here on Earth.  By the miracle Hand of God, Poppa, our friend was given the prospect of a new lease on Life!

Now sleepy, I shall take my leave but wish you to know, Momma, I commemorated your 90th Week of Earthly Departure in a solemn manner ~. You have appeared in recent dreams and they seem so very real ...  

That said, I look greatly forward to seeing you again in a happy dream soon enough!

Sending you both all the love in my heart on Easter Sunday, 2015, remembering one particular Easter Sunday, decades past, driving to Palos Verdes and visiting that gorgeous Palos Verdes Village Square, having ice cream at an 'old fashioned' soda fountain, loving those Sundaes and Dad's happy spirits, it remains etched & permanently fixed in my memory forever...  We wore Easter hats, Momma!  Thank you both for such golden memories which sustain  one to all recently subjected events ~

Sending you both more Hugs and Kisses than even God can count! ~ I love you Forever until the End of Time ~

Your ever grateful Daughter 

"Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

It appears messages I've written to you have not posted from mid February up to today, March 26, 2015. I am trying not to be upset and jump to any conclusions, and shall trace this to its 'home source' ...  I wish you to know I miss you deeply and have one of your photographs right beside my bedside desk, so I can 'talk' to you ...  On March 3, 2015, I commemorated our losing Dad, lighting a large beautiful candle and saying some prayers in his and both your memory.  It was painful as the time on Earth seems to be speeding by, and no matter what I do I can't seem to bring you back, physically.  

What I can do is to try to be a much better person and do what you would probably do in difficult situations and in any situation!  "Doggie" and I speak about you much and about your wonderful qualities which are akin to a great Monarch abroad ~  I am still looking for a lovely frame for your 75th Birthday photograph which is so beautiful it looks almost as if it were painted ...  I did find one recently in brown tones which is still available, and will decide very soon on it.  Having pictures of you, of us together, of you and Dad and of photographs of Grandma, & Dad and one of your parents, brother and sister (plus many of which I wasn't allowed to bring back here & more), matters greatly as the time continues moving ahead from our last Earthly visit. I was with you on June 17th, 2013, speaking softly to you, holding your hand as much as I was allowed, and telling you Cousin Bob had sent you much love with your son then saying,"We love you, Mom" ...  I shall never ever forget the surprise when you suddenly opened your left eye, pushed your body up to a sitting position, and saw the image of your son possibly a bit to the right of your view than that of myself as I was standing toward the middle and you did see more of me, then took yourself back down to the pillows and continued sleeping. Those precious few minutes are captured in my memory as a tiny motion picture portrait as, alas, it would be the last time your left eye met mine ...  

Why I am writing about this is a complete mystery, but please know you are in my thoughts and in my heart always - everyday and at night saying my prayers which you taught me as a child, and I always ask God to bless you and Dad 'Up There' just in case ~

I shall be back here soon to report about Music and things you so love and enjoy and before signing off today, must mention having heard a marvellous performance of the slow movement of the Korngold Violin Concerto played by Hilary Hahn, whom you first told me about years ago, and is a wonderful artist, indeed!  I love this Concerto and will go through it!  Oh! On Sunday, March 8, 2015, just two plus weeks ago, I was practising and it grew into an unexpected wonderful 'session'- examining my left hand movements and somehow, releasing the technical feeling in that left hand to travel all over the fiddle with growing ease!  I even worked through the complete second and a large portion of the third movement of the Sibelius, feeling so elated because I was 'inside' the practise 'zone' which takes one deep into direct connection of one's own nervous system which has recorded all those movements over decades to a vast expanse of violin repertoire, needing only quiet and focus to unlock those memory paths once again!  So, I must continue to keep on this course in order to pursue some dreams left still to achieve!!  That Sunday was a miracle, and if I had to figure out Who helped, it would be yourself and Dad guiding me from Heaven's House ...

Thanking you both for everything which can never be bought in this Life, but given from great knowledge and with great love, I pledge to keep trying to capture all you and Poppa taught me as a musician and as a human being.  This is a lifetime mission for me and let us hope when we meet again, I can tell you both, "I did it!! I did it and even more!!!"

As we always used to do, I'll count down so God's 'God - Mail' connection is not kept on busy too much longer on this March 26th, 2015 day, with "One, Two, Three, Four, I love your Forever, Momma ~ OFF!!"

Sending you at least 89 Kisses and Hugs commemorating 89 Weeks of your Earthly departure, I miss you deeply, my beloved Momma, and love you Eternally ~ 

Your "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma and Poppa ~

Having had a bit more rest yet needing a nap, I just read my entry to you for Wednesday, February 11, 2015, which did not go until AM February 12, 2015, and have just noticed I say it is the Eighty Fourth Week of your (Momma's) Earthly passing.  I may be incorrect; it may well be the actual Eighty Fifth Week, so I will double double check and write some more later or tomorrow, Friday.  Nevertheless, I wish you to know one reason for my recent fatigue is because I practised much more yesterday and also was up too late, so am off with normal sleep rhythms.   I know how you and Poppa constantly stressed taking care of my health and I am really trying to do just that.  Will come back to write a bit more, hopefully, by tomorrow, Friday, and for the moment, I send tons of Love and Kisses to you both.  Just awhile ago, I had the pleasure of hearing Beethoven's 'Pastoral' Symphony, No. 6, performed by the Columbia Symphony Orchestra under the Musical Direction of the great Conductor, Bruno Walter!! Knowing your deep love, Momma, for the Pastoral Symphony of Beethoven, and your deep love and reverence, Poppa, for the music making of Bruno Walter, perhaps this is/was your way of 'messaging' me from Heaven's House that you are both watching over me!  Thank you for more than any parents on Earth ever gave to a child and for the unconditional love you always lavished upon both of us ~ 

Must go have that little nap and then practise on this very cold day, although the sun is shining beautifully so light abounds everywhere, even in the cold of Winter!

Your ever grateful and adoring daughter, "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My beloved Momma ~

Not feeling too well, I am delayed writing to you, and wish you to know  I commemorated Wednesday, February 11, 2015, which marked the Eighty Fourth Week of your Earthly departure by managing to practise 'Betsy'!  I miss you and Dad deeply ~

Worried about those still here on Earth whom I so love, please know I painfully realise the depth of meaning from Scripture which indicates  a person can have the things of this World, but if not the love, he/she loses their soul, and therefore what good are riches?  Only when we can share that which God has given each of us, then can we be truly happy and at peace ...  Better to be poor but rich with love and friendship than own, as I think it refers to in The Good Book, the whole World ...

This truth certainly has permeated my entire being and soul.  I am so grateful for 'Doggie' ~  how blessed I am for his love and loving nature, and for an Angel who helped me for a few years before you "left" ...  

My dearest Mother, I love you and Dad with all my soul and do try to hold up even when "things" look grey ...

Feeling somewhat tired and 'under', I shall say Good Night and send you Eighty Four Hugs and Kisses from 'Down Here' to you and Poppa, "Up There", where we are assured there are no more tears and only love, joy and peace!

With enduring and Eternal Love for you, my treasured parents ~

I am forever Your "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

It is still Wednesday, January 21st, 2015, and in reading my 'Note of Remembrance' to you, I am aghast at the third paragraph where I thank you for trying to teach me, "although it may have seemed to not 'get through' at the time, which included those thousands of lessons about living in this world which are now deeply poignant and etched into my memory and thoughts ...", and I made a huge typographical error early this AM typing 'hose lessons', for which I deeply apologise and have rectified here.  In fact I shall type the entire third paragraph here for you and Dad on this Eighty Second Week of your Earthly Departure to make this up to you and Poppa. Here is the properly typed third paragraph of my initial entry sent very early AM, January 21, 2015 ~

"All you tried to teach me, although it may have seemed to not 'get through' at the time, which included those thousands of lessons about living in this world are now deeply poignant and forever etched into my memory and thoughts.  Ever mindful of your example - (which began to mirror that of HRH, Her Majesty The Queen, Queen Elizabeth II of England and the Commonwealth) - your passing has caused a process of a sort of transplantation in to my inner core from that of yourself which has begun to move and elevate my patterns of behaviour, and I find myself digging deep to do as you would in so many situations since you "left" ~ In looking back, I am so moved knowing you did Everything and more than that in order to stay here - to be with me and to continue on, yet the illness finally had its vicious way and God, loving you so deeply, decided it was time for Him to bring you "Home."

"It is so difficult to come to terms with this, dearest Momma, yet I am nearing a point in my thinking that God's timing was as it had to be ... I know you would never have wanted to not play the piano again, nor enjoyed my brushing your hair while looking through your windows to happily view the garden to suddenly realise you were so encumbered and restricted to move about, that you and God got together and you told Him, "Okay, it is time to leave this Earth, and come up to see 'my Ralph' and parents, and play the piano which you, God, have waiting for me, so I finally accept Your invitation ..." 

"Momma, I am here and shall try to do my best whilst 'down here', and know we shall be together again with Dad, and all we lost 'down here', "Up there', and shall have joy throughout the Duration whenever I am invited to join you ~"

"Please accept my heartfelt apologies for unintentional hurts caused to you or Dad due to my very young and inexperienced ways for the first part of my adult life.  Much to talk about when we next meet, I send you both all my love on this Eighty Second Week without you ~

Please kiss Poppa for me and tell him he married the 'Greatest' of "the Greatest Generation" the day he married you!!

Counting down as we always did to avoid your forgetting to disconnect the phone, 'One, Two, Three, Four ~ OFF!!'

I doubly love you my wonderful Momma, Forever ... 

Your "Lizzie" 

XXXXXXXXxx

Dearest Momma ~

It is terribly late and I have been up too much lately at very unreasonable hours, so this little  'Note of Remembrance' is to let you know how very much I miss you, and mourn losing you, my beloved Mother who also became my best friend ...

As today, Wednesday, January 21, 2015, marks the Eighty Second Week of your Earthly Departure, I am with you every moment as the time keeps moving forward separating us from each other, yet never separating me from you as my Mother, my Teacher and, ultimately, my Best Friend in Life ~

All you tried to teach me, although it may have seemed to not 'get through' at the time, which included hose thousands of lessons about living in this world are now deeply poignant and etched into my memory and thoughts.  Ever mindful of your example - (which began to mirror that of HRH, Her Majesty The Queen, Queen Elizabeth II of England) - your passing has caused a process of a sort of transplantation in to my inner core from that of yourself which has begun to move my behaviour, and I find myself digging deep to do as you would in so many situations since you "left" ~ In looking back, I am so moved knowing you did everything and more than that in order to stay here - to be with me, to continue, yet the illness finally had its vicious way and God, loving you so deeply, decided it was time for Him to bring you "Home".  

It is so difficult to come to terms with this, dearest Momma, yet I am coming to a point of thinking God's timing was as it had to be.  I know you would never have wanted to not play the piano again nor enjoyed my brushing your hair while looking through your windows to happily view the garden being suddenly so encumbered and restricted to move about, so you and God got together and said, "Okay, it is time to leave this place and come up to see 'my Ralph' and parents, and play the piano which You, God, have waiting for me, so I finally accept Your invitation ..."  

"Momma", I am here and shall try to do my best whilst down here, and know we shall be together again with Dad, and all we lost down here, 'Up There', and shall have joy throughout the Duration whenever I am invited to join you ~

Please accept my heartfelt apologies for unintentional hurts caused to you or Dad due to my very young and inexperienced ways.  Much to talk about when we next meet, I send you all my love on this Eighty Second Week without you ~

Please kiss Poppa for me and tell him he married the Greatest of "The Greatest Generation" the day he married you!!

Counting down, "One, Two, Three, Four ~ OFF!!"

I love you my wonderful Momma, Forever ...

Your 'Lizzie' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My dear Momma ~

As it is January 13, 2015, on a very cold night feeling 
overwhelmed in these past days, I decided to write to you and make this an early night ...

Suffice to say, I am most aware of the significance of tomorrow, January 14, 2015, which commemorates the Eighty First Week of your Earthly departure on that horrid Wednesday morning in 2013.

I was stunned and nearly unconscious with disbelief which still remains with me as I have, somehow, been holding out hope for your return.  As unrealistic as this might seem to all 'Earth people', I admit to noticing this fading in and out belief in my inner being. If
only you were here on Earth, I would have another chance to speak with you ~ heart to heart, and ask a major question, which most likely shall never be answered while I am alive here on Earth.  As this is such a beautiful World in nature and all of its glory, I am truly wondering about the Why's of those who perpetrate Evil with no apparent conscience nor hint of guilt or apology.  I guess, dearest Momma, The Good Book answers this with the gracious words of Christ Jesus, who upon the Cross, uttered, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."  

Of course, Jesus was the Son of The Father, who had the heart and capacity to understand and grant mercy to all sinner's, which in truth, includes all of us, if only for an hour whilst alive on this Earth ~

As His Holiness,The Holy Father, Pope Francis, is in Sri Lanka, and His Homily is now being delivered, Live, via Vatican Radio in conjunction with EWTN, this may well be a 'sign' from Above, to not exasperate myself trying to find out that which is so deep that no one can know, and as a passage in Ecclesiastes states, "Why search for that which is so deep? Why shouldest Thou diest before Thy time ..."  Seeing and hearing the quiet beauty of Pope Francis' speech in a foreign tongue (now in English!) - one is calmed and comforted by this holy representative of St. Peter ... This special appearance of The Holy Father in Columbo, Sri Lanka, (known as the "Pearl of the Indian Ocean"), to declare a Priest from this far away Land, Father Joseph Vaz, to Sainthood, thusly becoming St. Joseph Vaz, on this day (their January 14th, 2015,) right now on our January 13th, 2015, here in America, makes clear some of the answers to my Question ...

We are all asked to care for those with less than we; for those who have need of love and understanding; and all of us 'who are called to be missionaries of peace', Then His Holiness concludes by saying,"I commend all of you to sing a new song so the glory of The Lord may be felt throughout all ends of the Earth."  

The Music during this resplendent ceremonial Mass is representative of the roots of this country once known throughout the world as Ceylon.  It contains a gracious African beat underneath a beautifully sung native folk song of spiritual nature which has the fragrance of India and its folklore aura of ancient mystery ... The harmonies are truly exquisite, Momma!  How wonderful I was 'bored' and turned the channel to literally stumble on to this Ceremony from the other side of the world, and in so doing, being able to share this with you looking down from Up Above ~

The Vatican host just said, "Heaven and Earth meet here through this solemn Mass  in this place in the World ..."  Pope Francis is now speaking in Italian whilst imparting the most holy moments of the Mass prior to the people coming forward to receive the Heavenly Host which is the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ ...

Let this shared narrative be God's Grace upon us as Mother and Daughter with Daddy now at your side for all Eternity ~

I love you with all my heart and soul and hope to be Big in Heart ~

Your journeying Daughter looking Up ...

"Lizzie"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma and Poppa ~

As this computer isn't working correctly, I shall simply say, I love you both deeply and mourn losing you ~ especially on this Seventy Fourth Wedding Anniversary of your marriage here on Earth which led to my being born into this World and being the continually proud daughter of you both ...  Afraid this message might shut off, I will salute you all week and say 'Nighty Nite' for now to honour one of your lifetime instructions to me to 'take care of your health, Lizzie!'

With all my love on this January 7th, 2015 Day, I thank you for being all you both were and continue to be in my heart and the hearts of so many who were privileged to know, study with, and love you ...

With a Toast to you, my beloved parents, on your 74th Wedding Anniversary "Up There" from 'Down here',

I send you Enduring and Eternal Love via 'God Mail' ~

Your "Lizzie"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

Today, December 10th, 2014, marks two major Events: the 77th Week of your Earthly passing, and the 27th Year of the great Jascha Heifetz's passing.  You loved Heifetz's playing as did Dad and all of us ... We were thrilled when he accepted me as a pupil unconditionally in his first Violin Master Class at USC! It was a milestone and it changed all our lives for the better ~  Indeed, it validated all you and Dad had taught me and prepared me for ... On this fastly approaching day, I wish to thank you deeply for all you taught me and all the love you poured into my soul and heart for Music. Your innate sense of harmony and the 'rightness' of such, guided me well in Mr. Heifetz's class and with whomever I was studying or performing with.  Having been with the Giant's, and welcomed into their lives, I owe all to you and Poppa, and salute you both on this very poignant day when the World lost a true Genius in the name of Jascha Heifetz.  I know you mourned his loss deeply, and can be assured Dad received Mr. Heifetz into Heaven amongst the Angels of Music ... Sending you all my love and keeping faith as much as one can do in all you taught me in Life, I give Thanks to God for bringing your parents together for their union produced an extraordinary woman who would someday become my Momma ...

Going to sleep now, Momma, as you would wish me to do, I send you Seventy Seven Hugs and Kisses "Up there" from "Down here" and ask you to kiss Dad hundreds of times for me!

With all my love to both of you ~

Your "Lizzie"

XXXXXXXxxxxxxx

For Momma in care of God ~

I was trying to send an advisory of my Special Sibelius 149th Birthday entry just prior to this, and the computer messed up.  So know I did submit what must post from Monday, December 8, 2014, with a friend known well to all of us!  

Needing sleep, I shall say, "Nighty Nite" to you and Dad, sending a symbolic 149 Kisses and Hugs in honour of our deeply loved Finnish Composer Giant, Jean Sibelius!

With eternally enduring love to you both ~

"Lizzie"

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXX xxxxxxxxx!

Dearest Momma ~

Today, December 8, 2014, has marked the 149th Birthday of the Giant Finnish composer, Jean Sibelius!  It has been a day of extraordinary blessings, musically ...  Receiving one of the greatest compliments of my life as a Violinist from England, truly lifted up my spirits, to say the least!  When one reads in print, "... Elisabeth is a living legend in the Violin World ..." (Yes, there is more!), how can one's spirits sag??  Perhaps you or Dad 'touched' the seemingly discerning soul of a highly regarded English critic, musicologist and connoisseur of Violinists and Violin playing??  Are you sure you are not pulling some strings Up There!?

Whatever it is, I am deeply humbled and honoured to be the recipient of such glowing words now in print in the U.K. ~

Owing all to you and Dad, and of course, Mr. Heifetz, Mr. Lasserson and Mr. Milstein, this little "I love you Forever, Momma" Note is being penned late in the evening of Sibelius' almost 150th Birthday!  

Sending you and Dad all the love in my heart which endures until we meet again, please know I miss you both very deeply ...

"One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Forever, Momma, OFF!!"

Your grateful daughter ~

"Lizzie"

Please give God my love and gratitude for His working in my Life ~

Dearest Momma -

Please accept my sincere apologies for such delays in writing you as of late.  Although my pen has been absent here, my heart has been continually focused on you and Dad ...  Two major opportunities came to me, dear Momma, and required over 18 to 20 hours per day concentration to meet firm deadlines.  In so doing, I was deeply moved while viewing numerous hours of footage of my teaching both here in Chicago, and in London!  

The last evening of the first project was still not clear as to which exchange between a very kind and very musical pupil - yet not the beneficiary of the finest teaching prior to the London Master Class on Unaccompanied Bach, who was so receptive and able to assimilate all technical/musical ideas I was suggesting which lifted his playing far beyond his initial presentation of the movement he
performed - as compared to that of a "star" pupil performing a major Violin Concerto who seemed to express little interest in improving the musical messages I pointed out, I chose the 'lesser' advanced pupil with the wonderfully receptive attitude and his 'real time' improvement to send.  After finishing the finale edit which took up to 2 hours prior to the deadline, I burst into tears of overwhelming gratitude to Dad and to you, my beloved parents, for my abilities to encourage the pupil who initially 'dazzled' less, yet shone brightly through his deep love of and newly acquired 'tools' of expression in his Bach ...  All of this is due to you and Dad, who taught me How to teach from a tender age, allowing me to watch and listen in on your lessons to so many music loving students!  In my heart, I know without any doubt I made the 'right' decision choosing a deeply gifted yet not yet finished artist on film to represent my teaching.  As you and Dad know, it is easy to listen to a nearly finished artist and make a comment here and there.  The more demanding task of really teaching new and liberating technical ideas in service of making the music sing, is the greater challenge.  Even if my video is not as 'flashy' as a perfect performance by someone else in another candidate's video, I am happy because I know that Unaccompanied Bach is the 'Bible' of Violin Playing, which must always be in the service of the composer ~ which in this instance clearly reveals the pupil's sincere intent to honour Bach's message rather than using this great music in service of possible ego ...  You and Dad always 'lived' inside the music of each composer, loving the music and setting aside personal aberrations to serve Bach or any other composer.  This lesson was once brilliantly illustrated when, much later on in my musical life, I heard a performance of the great Brahms Third Symphony conducted by the son of a world renowned Conductor here in Chicago.  The Manager of the great orchestra performing this towering score of Brahms, leaned over to our friend, Leo, a most discerning musician, who never asked any favors of the influential Manager of the great orchestra performing the Brahms under the baton of the son of his renowned conductor father, "What did you think of his Brahms.", to which Leo paused and then politely replied, " If truth be told, Brahms lost!"  I knew exactly what Leo meant: the ego of the son trying to so impress this great orchestra and our critic's, forgot all about the music in the magnificent score of Johannes Brahms, such was his need to make a great debut in Chicago at Orchestra Hall ~

Thinking back on this, I well remember you telling me how you and Dad were at an important premiere of the Opera, "Peter Grimes", in LA, at the Shrine auditorium, when some musician 'big shots' were trashing the great composer of this classic Opera.  You always told me you tried desperately to prevent Dad from speaking his truthful opinion when his words suddenly poured forth to all, saying, " It is so lousy, I wish I'd written it!!"  You said, later on, "Your father abhorred puffed up opinions about those who exhibited great talent by those who could never hope to achieve such artistry."  You also cautioned me to keep many of my knowledgeable opinions to myself unless speaking with you or Dad, or later on, with some of my great teacher's if they specifically asked my thoughts.  Although challenging at times, I have sincerely tried to follow your advice ...  

Thank you for your great wisdom and beyond the call of duty efforts to teach me how to live in harmony with so many in this world ... You are my guide and the Angel whom God chose to be my beloved Mother, great teacher and friend ~ How deeply blessed and fortunate I feel to be your daughter ...  

It is late, and sleep calls, so I shall say 'Nighty Nite' for now and remember our routine which developed so you would not forget to hang up the receiver on your telephone which was cause for concern to others if the phone gave a busy signal!  As we used to count down ~ "One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Forever, Momma!  OFF!"

Your Lizzie ~

With 73 Hugs and Kisses via God - Mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Birthday Momma ~

After hours of typing you a Ninety Fifth Birthday Remembrance, on October 23, 2014, the computer froze and I just lost everything I had typed ...

Suffice to say, I am upset as it was Special!  Since I must practise, this shall be my Birthday Gift to you, my beloved and sorely missed Mother.  There is a remembrance for you where you are now resting for what I think of as "Your Second Birthday with Dad in Heaven, October 23rd, 2014 " ...  Please accept my deepest regrets and apologies for this trouble which I haven't much time to try fixing at the moment.  Just know my heart is flooded with the most loving thoughts of you and Dad on what would have been your Ninety Fifth Birthday here on Earth!!  

If I am to honour you, I'd better get going with the fiddle as you would have me do, and work well on a piece you greatly encouraged me to master in Spring, 2012!  Just know I am doing this and greatly enjoying it every note and phrase at a time!

They say, "Less is More", so let this mess with the computer bring some Good with a loving Salute to you on Your Day, no matter Where You Are, but I suspect, with Your Ralph, in Heaven's Arms ~

With eternally enduring love for you, wonderful Momma, Happy Heavenly Birthday from your grateful daughter "Down here" with
95 Earthly Birthday Kisses via God - Mail ~
 
Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
          xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX!

Dearest Momma ~

On my Birthday, I thought of you all day, and spoke about you to all  those with whom I was in contact.  It was an unexpected kindness to receive at least 30 Birthday greetings from friends and colleagues with whom I am now in frequent touch.  (Annibelle even rang up from Birmingham while on the M4 driving back to London at 1:45 AM GMT!). I consider my Birthday Your Birthday and 'Our Birthday', because you gave me the most precious gift in the World ~ the Gift of Life ...  As long as I live, I shall never be able to thank you or Dad enough  for bringing me into the world, and most importantly, into your loving arms which held and cradled me from the moment of my first entry and 'debut appearance' on that October day! and now from Above and far Beyond ~

It was an honour to also receive the gift of a new pupil and to help one so in need of encouragement ... This adult 'amateur' had loved playing but had been traumatized very early on by mean spirited "teaching", (if one can call what was described to me with non stop tears and accompanying sobs, teaching?) The new pupil put the much  loved instrument away for 31 years, such were the deep psychological scars from an incident of bullying by "the Professor" before an entire orchestra.  This occurred in a foreign land.  We happened to meet here in Chicago at a social event in June, 2014, where the pupil evidently found out a bit about my musical education and career from Carlo ... 

Although odd, several months passed until the evening before my Birthday when I received a call asking if I could listen to the pupil play, and it had to be the very next day ~ my Birthday!  I said okay and remarked it would be a "Birthday Special!"  It went very well  with an extended amount of time which included the story of Why it had been 31 years since last playing the instrument ...  It felt and feels so good to be able to help a naturally gifted person who loves music who had been crushed in spirit for over three decades.  I truly believe you had 'something' to do with this, dear Momma! After a Birthday coffee chat with an old pal which was lovely, I walked down by the Lake on what was one of the most beautiful days of 2014!  In the evening we had a Birthday dinner with a friend who has just suffered the loss of both parents within only 24 days of each other ...  Needless to say, this is a terrible tragedy to try to deal with.  We wanted our friend to be included and to feel welcomed.  It was a very different sort of Birthday dinner, but throughout it all, dearest Momma, I felt your presence the entire evening ... 

As mentioned last time, I have been practising the Oistrakh Cadenza and am approaching this amazing display of Aram Khachaturian's first movement in his wondrous Violin Concerto, as brilliantly composed in his own Cadenza, by the late, great Violinist, David Oistrakh, with a self imposed intellectual discipline so I don't err in this learning process ... As you, Dad and Mike well know, it is difficult because one wants so much to PLAY it!  The third section is beginning to feel more comfortable in my hands.  Little by little it is being prepared despite a few irresistible moments of burning desire to let loose and almost perform parts best known!  Because you and Dad trained me to work in a disciplined and deliberately restrained manner which ultimately leads to the most desired result, I am following what you taught me and as this note is already lengthy, shall defer from further comments about specifics at this time.

Suffice to say, I am so grateful to you, Momma, for encouraging me to continue learning the Cadenza because you also said earlier on, "it suits you and is already sounding good!  Keep going!"Those words from you in your living room in 2012, are forever tucked in my mind and heart.  Thank you, and Thank You a million times over!

Feeling a bit under the weather, it is time to make some tea with toast and honey, so I will conclude this 'Note of Remembrance' by saying how deeply I miss you and keep returning to your teachings on how to Live and Be in this Earthly environment during the miracle we call Life ~

Following the words just stated above, if truth be told, when horrid things happen 'Down here', I think to myself, 'at least Momma doesn't have to know about this or be upset now ... She and Dad are together with God in Heaven's House for the duration which none on Earth can put assunder ...'

Loving you, my treasured Mother, with heart and soul, Forever ~

Accept 68 Hugs and Kisses from 'Your Lizzie' 

xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx 
xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

My dearly loved Momma ~

Today has been most poignant as your Earthly departure of exactly Sixty Six Weeks ago, was very emotional for me ... It began with a telephone message from a pianist friend of mine, blurting out, "my Mother is just deceased and I just found out. Please call me back." Being barely awake, I had to listen again to such news, and sort of staggered to the ladies.  No sooner had I come back to put on a robe, the phone rang again. I was at a complete loss for any words as he stated having been told by some cousin's prior to calling me, that his sibling had left this terrible news in a voicemail message a few days ago on his phone and he had never received the bitter news.  Such was the lack of communication, he had not even known the Funeral of his Mother had already taken place yesterday, Tuesday, September 23, 2014, in a far away land ...

His loss hit me, literally, in my heart and gut, as he had only just suffered the loss twenty four days ago of his father.  I had tried comforting him and had kept a close eye on him every day, being concerned he might do something terribly rash ...

Hearing such traumatic news of a second loss ~ his dear Mother, on the heels of his father brought tears and sobs to my being.  It actually seemed I was more affected than "A."   Later he was with some other friends who were obviously taking care of him in the immediate shock of such news and tomorrow which is actually Roshashanah ~ the beginning of the Jewish New Year and usually a time for celebration of a New Year instead of grave sorrow ...

I thought much about your strength and almost un-natural grit in getting through overwhelming grief upon losing your beloved Ralph so soon -- and so young.  Momma dearest, I still hear your words of utter despair when one night you said you were so upset you actually considered getting some alcohol and drinking it - such was your grief and feeling of not wishing to go on without the love of your life, my father; yet you determined to not sink into such a state and began your project to sew gorgeous table cloths and matching cloth napkins for all of us for that First Christmas without Dad, which I still treasure with its "hidden" messages of survival to this day ...  In writing this my heart is crying and so wishes you were here on Earth. I miss you deeply and have a fervent desire to honour you and all you achieved throughout your life ...  

"Doggie" and I talked quite a bit about you this evening with heartbreaking sentiments accompanied by more tears. I sensed he was crying inside when we were on the phone. In speaking about the tragic news of my friend, I recalled the very poignant time in a 1960's December, when Dad lost both his parents within five days of each other, and remembered his tearful words to us when he came into the living room, barely managing to utter, "It's happened again ..."  Only five days after losing one parent he'd lost the other. I told "Doggie", "at least my father had Momma at his side and the two of us children, along with siblings and so many colleagues and friends."  But he was bereft and needed to be closer to his boyhood roots, which led to your move from that glorious home you so loved, as did all of us ...

Momma, I am confused about this phenomenon called Life ... It seems to throw brutal blows just when one is starting to feel 'secure.'  It is wise to always have a Plan B, for one never knows what will be ... You tried to teach me 'nothing lasts forever', yet you also used to say with enthusiasm, "You never know what is around the corner!"  So, I guess we must try our best and prepare for the worst, then leave the results to God to bring victory ...  There is a marvellous quotation in one of my Little Books about this, and I shall read it again for comfort and much needed reassurance ~

Please know how much I look up to you and admire you more and more as the time expands since That Day ... In trying to honour you, I'm working on the Oistrakh Cadenza to the Khachaturian Violin Concerto first movement.  It is magnificent and inspiring!  Thank you a million times again for encouraging me to "keep going on it as it sounds good; just learn the rest of it, Lizzie!"  

As it is past time to sleep, I shall leave off saying how much I love you and miss being in 'touch' in Earth-bound ways, yet am grateful to be able to keep close through this God-like mail system!  He knows all and I turn to Him for guidance more and more.  Please accept Sixty Six Hugs and Kisses from "Down here" to you, my beloved and sorely missed 'Momma', "Up There" from 

Your Forever daughter ~ "Lizzie"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

In typing you a note, the machine got frozen, so to speak, so I'm back again with a lots of love to send you and in so doing, wish to tell you how very much I've been missing you my dearest Mother ...  "Doggie" and I speak of you much of the time. 

As Wednesday, September 10th, 2014, marked the Sixty Fourth Week of your Earthly departure "Up", I wanted so much to write a 'Note of Remembrance' here -- yet all sorts of commitments and unexpected troubles with water problems in our building came up and one hadn't any moments in which to set down some thoughts.  It hurts when I don't write to you every week, so please know I observed the Sixty Fourth Week of your passing by practising the David Oistrakh Cadenza to Aram Khachaturian's Violin Concerto and did pretty well, considering I haven't touched it since last really working on it in your house in Summer, 2012, when you gave me the "Thumbs Up" sign to keep going on it as you very much encouraged me -- saying, "It sounds good, Lizzie!" Needless to say, I keep your words close to my heart and in my thoughts almost all the time ...

Just a bit ago I heard a wonderful recording of Rudolf Serkin, piano soloist, with the New York Philharmonic with Leonard Bernstein, Conductor, in your beloved Beethoven Piano Concerto, No. 5 in E Flat Major, Opus 73 ... or as all pianists refer to it, in Beethoven's "Emperor" Piano Concerto!  It was beautiful and, indeed, so tenderly felt and performed in the slow movement.  This was what really moved my heart, and I shed some tears thinking of how you loved this marvellous work.  Momma, no one is like you ~  It is so difficult for me to deal with your new 'location'.  I truly miss you, talking to you and hearing your views on every subject imaginable ...  

Sometimes, I just want to come and join you and Dad ... Then I get the fiddle and practise or write something and in so doing, realise I may have some more important things to do here on Earth before I join you.  So, please know I am with you and Dad in my thoughts, heart and soul -- and every time I hear great music you especially loved, it touches me to the point of many tearful moments.  Life is not the same without you and without Dad ~ 

Today, or now yesterday, September 13th, 2014, marked the actual One Hundreth Year Anniversary of the outbreak of WW I.  Dad was just one year + old and you were not yet in this World ...  It is almost unbelievable to realise that 100 years -- an entire Century, has passed since Dad was born.  Well, you always told me, "No one lives forever ..."  Please know I do try to do my best, but sometimes stumble and fall down, yet pick myself back up ~

Knowing it is now very late, I shall be a good girl and take my leave, but feel ever so much better for having been able to write you a little Note tonight.  I so wish you were "Down here", but realise more and more you stayed as long as you possibly could for which I am greatly thankful, my beloved Mother.  You hung on as long as possible because you didn't want me to be alone ...  

In this regard, I am blessed with a few special friends, and other people, as well as the love of Music you imparted to me, and some clear goals, so I must always remember my blessings, the greatest of which was our wonderful friendship and Mother - Daughter relationship which took time to grow and mature (on my part), for which I give God thanks every day. 

As we used to say, "One, Two, Three, Four, Nighty Nite, I love you Forever, Momma ~ OFF!"  Having this direct 'God-Line' is just about the best I can do until we are together once again ...  

Sending you all my love and eternal gratitude for being the greatest Mother a daughter could ever have, please accept Sixty Four Hugs and Kisses ...

Your Lizzie 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearly missed Momma ~

After a very challenging two weeks, which I could not really control, I apologise for not having written since the last entry of August 22nd, 2014 ...  With the troubles I realised even more poignantly how much I miss you over this time period which continues to stretch onward ...  Many times I reach back into my memory to hear your words of wisdom and balanced counsel when suddenly in a situation one could not have imagined nor directly caused.  

It is evermore apparent to me that you learned Life's Lessons at a very tender age due to being thrust into an unwelcoming world with the loss of both your beloved parents, and your Will of Iron was formed very early on in your young life ...  These lessons you tried to impart to me over our time together here on Earth - although some of them may have seemed to you to escape me at various points of my existence under your tutelage and love as my Mother, did not go un-noticed ...  One is searching for many answers contained within one's sleepier consciousness, and I continue to ask God for guidance as to what He would have me do in tandem with all you imbedded in my very being ...

Sometimes the best thing to do is to do Nothing!  This, for me, is most difficult, and perhaps, for many people.  Yet, if one can keep a level head in a very challenging situation, all things usually resolve themselves.  

Being caught in a violent almost tsunami-like downpour or better stated, monsoon, last week was a very frightening experience and one had to keep one's head to try to persuade others it was best not to continue on in such violent weather.  At those moments, I felt truly alone on this Earth, and kept recalling your admonishments over so many years to "Never travel in bad weather."  Somehow, there was another eminent event which required immediate attention elsewhere and the sane decision was made to turn back from storms, which according to weather reports, continued well into the night of the late afternoon of the monsoon rains where some of us were and were headed further in to ... 

Being safely home, I was deeply relieved and am most grateful for some sort of emotional control which I credit to you, dearest Momma.  Your teaching as a person and in situation's which require every ounce of self control and lack of panic (although one is terrified inside) have helped and are helping me so much ...  

Accordingly, I am also re visiting the wonderful Oistrahk Cadenza to the Khachaturian Violin Concerto, which has been inspired by my having heard the complete Gayne Ballet Suite of Aram Khachaturian in the early hours of August 22nd, when I wrote about it to you in my last entry here. Being so uplifted by this exquisite Gayne Ballet Suite and the almost indescribable beauty and "pull" of harmonic poignancy of Khachaturian's score, seems to have set me on the right path toward better violin practise and playing! Whilst truly enjoying the challenges of reviewing the passages in the Cadenza, I am amazed at the harmonic structure which the great late Violinist, David Oistrahk, conceived and "heard" then captured on his masterful musical manuscript.  I always dreamed about and wanted to learn the Oistrahk Cadenza, but when concert touring so much one hadn't the time to really learn this wonderful work within the body of the first movement of the Violin Concerto.  As you know, I have always performed Khachaturian's Cadenza in public and for recording.  My goal is to be able to perform the Oistrahk Cadenza publicly the next time I play the Violin Concerto which better be pretty soon before it is too late.  When I think of my great friend and mentor, Nathan Milstein, later on in London -- (following my own remarkable musical/violinistic grounding with Dad, leading to Mr. Heifetz and Lasserson, and a concert career) -- who was playing until he was nearly 86, and only then forced to stop due to a bizarre accident when crossing a street near to his home in London, being hit by a car which grazed his left hand - rendering it infirm for the rest of his life, who drove a sold out Orchestra Hall audience here in Chicago into a dizzying frenzy during his last public recital at age 85, when performing his own transcription of "Mephisto" for the Violin, inspired by the "Mephisto Waltz" of Franz Lizst for Piano, and the utter mastery of Milstein in the late "Autumn" of his concert career, I have HOPE!!!  Of course, Mr. Milstein told me he was practising, "for fun", all the Chopin Etudes for Piano upon his Violin at aged 12 or so!!  The sort of beyond masterful technique he had was so strong and solid an Atom bomb could not have shaken it!  But he taught me to "Think" when practising as you and Dad always stressed as well.  So, one has faith that the brain, hands and love of the Music are guiding my work at this period in my violin journey.

It is Sixty Three Weeks on this day, September 3rd, 2014, since your Earthly passing, dearest Momma, and there are numerous moments when I have experienced the ache and pain in my heart which surged through my entire being on June 19, 2013, which was and continues to be the darkest day of my life ...  Please know I speak about you to all with whom I am in contact and with such great pride that you were my Mother and friend.  To be the daughter of Betty, such a rare human being, musician and soul, is an honour and brings with it great responsibility to reach 'up' the rest of my life to try to be worthy of being the daughter of Mrs. Betty Matesky ~

I celebrate all you are and all you did and gave to so many during your inspiring life here on Earth and I love you Forever, my wonderful Mother ... Thank you for being with me even when I cannot "see" you physically.  And once again, I invite you to visit me in my dreams ...  I had a dream you and Dad have a sort of unusual white stuccoed house with oddly shaped windows and not much furniture but you sort of fly about inside ...  ???  Who can say this is not true?  I drew the house for "Doggie" and it was and is vividly clear in my mind!  Please give God a kiss from me and all my love to Dad as well ~

With enduring and eternal love from "Down here" to you, in God's House, "Up there", accept 63 Hugs and Kisses from ~

Your "Lizzie" on Earth

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My beloved Mother ~

It is ridiculously late, yet having had much needed sleep Wednesday night into Thursday PM, one is rested, and a Gift of this late night or very early AM hour on the 22nd of August, 2014, is being able to hear the "Gayne Ballet Suite" by delicious and melancholic Aram Khachaturian!  As the main musical storyline of my musical 'lift off' as a Violinist, this is my Center ... It is forever my connection to you and wonderful Dad ... To the love that is never ending because our family ties are framed by Khachaturian's music ~ containing the tapestry of our lives lived in Los Angeles in his brilliant harmonic colours of reds, fushia's, purple, aqua's, silver and gold's, when Southern California was "in the pink", and dearest Momma, as the profoundly gorgeous Lullaby is now being heard and moving my pen at this moment, I thank you and Dad for Everything ~ the Gift of Life and Music throughout our existence together.  Dad once told me, in your presence, "Lizzie, you are a sentimental Slav!"  He was so right about what made me 'tick'.  How I miss him; Oh, how I long for those enriched days at Onacrest when you and Dad were a "Happening" in LA!  Yes!  You were forward bound and Uncle Mel captured this period of time perfectly in several "other world" photograph's he took of the two of you together on a sun filled day in LA circa 1963 ~ a Portrait of Ralph and Betty ... The music of Khachaturian has brought this period of time deeply alive in my mind and heart, and God is guiding my words as they are being penned and set down here for you both ~

When I was performing the Khachaturian Violin Concerto before Jascha Heifetz, our classmates, and the full NY crew of television cameramen, lighting technicians, and sound engineers while my lesson with the great Heifetz was happening and being filmed, Mr. Heifetz stopped me for "not using enough slides."  He then said, once I was sliding around, impromptu, "It's Armenian -- Oriental ..."  And then, under his breath turns to Varoujan, saying, "I don't play this, you know!"  This is captured on my half hour Violin Master Class film with Jascha Heifetz, and it was perfectly in sync with the success you and Dad were enjoying during the same time as well as the big launch party you hosted at the Onacrest House for Dad and Ralph Rush, with a huge cake imprinted with the name of the Matesky/Ralph Rush Book which had just been published!  Only this evening, Thursday, August 21st, 2014, did I receive a gorgeous card from our longtime friend, Janet Rush, daughter of Ralph and Marjorie Rush!  What an Amazing coincidence!  I shall write back to her thanking her for the lovely note which expresses her sadness upon learning of your Earthly departure ...  This was so moving to read at nearly midnight -- just on the cusp of August 21st into August 22nd ~

The Gayne Ballet Suite has concluded and it shall be greatly missed until I can hear it yet again.  A recording of Isaac Stern is now being broadcast of some Romantic Pieces for Violin of Dvorak.  Quite a contrast to the exotic Gayne Ballet Suite of Aram Khachaturian!  Being a "Sentimental Slav", I can say I already miss anything Khachaturian!  I shall get out the Oistrahk Cadenza later today, dearest Momma, and wobble through a few passages, okay!  You actually gave me the "Thumbs Up" sign when I was practising it in your living room in Summer 2011, and again, in 2012.  They say, "God works in Mysterious Ways."  It has to be so, because I am filled with a desire to go back to the Oistrahk Cadenza for the first movement of the Khachaturian Violin Concerto!

To do this, it is time to go to sleep --NOW!  So, please know that although this 'Note of Remembrance' marking the sixty first week of your Earthly Exit "Up' is delayed by two full days, it is sent with all the love and respect a daughter can ever feel for her Mother ~ you, Momma, accompanied with Sixty One Hugs and Kisses from 'Down here' to you, 'Up There' with the request you hug and kiss Dad Sixty One times for me as well!

Missing you and loving you both, Forever ~

Your Lizzie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest and most cherished Momma ~

This 'Note of Remembrance' is delayed to today, Thursday, August 14, 2014, due to too many tasks which overcame me yesterday, August 13, 2014, which formally marked the Sixthieth Week of your Earthly departure ...

Impossible as it is to comprehend -- according to the calendar, I have not seen you since that dark day, Wednesday, June 19, 2013, just two plus hours following your departure from this Earthly Life ~ There are no words in any language to describe what a hollowness I feel inside my very being without you here.  Momma, I truly miss you and I truly love you, Forever ...  You once said during one of our talks in late May, 2013, that, "No one lives forever," in a resigned tone of voice with your physical countenance resembling your obviously conflicted struggle to accept your own words as applying, even, to yourself ...

Our last extended visiting together focused upon our Mother - Daughter times spent throughout the duration of our lives together and with Dad, and others in the Family.  Of great interest to me were your recollections of your own Mother, and the deep and abiding love you carried in your heart for her almost a Century after she gave birth to you and your siblings.  Despite the bitterly shortened time you were in her loving arms and care, she managed to imbue you, her adored and adoring little girl, Betty, with tons of love and acceptance, which grounded you for what would be the greatest challenge/s a little and deeply gifted child would have to face so very un-naturally early in life at the tender age of seven, and then, again, at the age on nine ...  Your love of Music and expressions on the piano were your lifeline to your Mother and Father ... By God's grace, you were an obedient servant of Music throughout your life and always 'In Touch' with your foundation of love -- your parents, through the Piano.  You brought great joy and serene musical comfort to every single musician you accompanied and to every listener in any audience you performed for, not to mention your natural passing on of your deep love of Music, in its purest sense, to both Mike and myself ...  

These heavenly gifts from you, my beloved Mother, are resident in me all the time, and although when hearing a special work for Piano performed which you so loved and practiced to perform yourself when I would be falling asleep at night, brings tears of grief to my eyes and heart (because you are no longer resident here under the sun), I am also uplifted by the beauty of so many masterworks because "they are works Momma so loved", as explained to 'Doggie' since you  'left' ~

I must go back to sleep for it is deeply needed, and you would want this for me right now ... So, despite some strange sounds emanating from above, I shall do exactly that and close my eyes to dream happy things and perhaps you might just show up in one of my dreams to remind or counsel me on issues only you and Dad can know from and with your new dimensional perspective!  

As we used to say, "One, Two, Three, Four, Nighty Nite, I love you Forever, Momma, OFF!!" ~

Your Lizzie with 60 commemorative Hugs and Kisses ~

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

On this day, August 7, years ago,  you held your lifetime friend and sister in law, Gerry's hand/s, for what would be the last time ... I well remember your constant presence at her bedside and enduringly loving assistance to and for her at Hope's end ...

You later told me, when speaking about the last two plus days of her life, how you managed to be there to help Dad's sister, who had introduced you to her very handsome and remarkably gifted brother, Ralph, who was guest conducting an orchestra rehearsal of an LA Pops Orchestra in a work he had written for that evening's public performance!  You always used to tell me that when first seeing and hearing Dad's work as both a Conductor and Composer, you thought to yourself, "Now there is a man I could marry!"  Without your dear friend, Gerry --- I would never have existed so that some seven decades later I would be able to recall this miracled coincidence which occurred in Summer,1940's LA, due to Aunt Gerry's tenacity and, quite frankly, her God given skills for match-making!

Your never ending gratitude for Aunt Gerry's gift to her brother and yourself of what would become a truly storied romance with a real life happiness and love between you, my beloved Mother, and Dad, your precious husband and my adored Father, was overtaken momentarily in the shocking moment's following her last breath, with your bitter tears of utter loss, but continued on -- never to be forgotten ...  Aunt Gerry did not pass from this World to God's Kingdom alone ... She was accompanied in the final Chapter of her Life "under the sun" by her best friend and adored sister in law, Betty ~ you, my cherished Mother and the friend whom all who knew you, honoured, respected and loved without boundaries, wished for in their particular individual live's here on Earth ...  The saying for today, August 7th, 2014, from your own booklet of inspirations reads, "Friendship is the highest degree of perfection in society"...  

It must be providential that my 'Note of Remembrance' to you, dearest Momma, commemorating the Fifty Ninth Week of your own Earthly passing, has not escaped most of my thoughts, and is being written about here on our mutually shared Day of Loss for Aunt Gerry, as we always spoke on the phone if we were physically apart on each anniversary of her departure.  As well, this day is even more poignant due to Uncle Tony's absence for the first time since he lost his wife.  I always called him, Momma, and sent him notes of Remembrance for his Day of Loss.  Last August, I don't think he responded back ...  However, later today I will try to see if I have access to what may have been his last 'Thank you my dear niece for remembering' letter.  Even if it is lost, just knowing Uncle Tony is reunited with Gerry, and his Mother, plus you and Dad, provides some comfort for me, your daughter, 'Down here" still "under the sun"...  If truth be told, "Mommie", I miss you and Daddy along with 'our' Aunt Gerry, Uncle Tony, and all the rest of our Aunt's and Uncle's, wedded to you and Poppa ...  I must try, even amongst still falling tears, to celebrate the great blessings of my life as your daughter, as the niece of Aunt Gerry and Uncle Tony, of Aunt Sadelle and Mel, Thelma, and all others.

Since all of you are together for the first time on this August 7th Day in God's House, please give Aunt Gerry all my love and tell her how very grateful I have been for the many things she taught me as a young girl maturing into young womanhood, and throughout our shared lives together.  Although she may not have been aware of it, I was watching her closely and was very positively impacted by her utter sense of style and, yes, glamour, which I have attempted to replicate in my own life, as you well know, dear Momma!  

It is ridiculously early here, yet I was compelled to set some thoughts down, as yesterday, Wednesday, didn't seem to allow me the quiet to reach back a bit like these past few hour's when all are sleeping but me -- your night-owl, Lizzie!

Please accept my eternal and unconditional love, my deeply missed Mother, with Fifty Nine Hugs and Kisses from your somewhat fatigued daughter, who is saying "Nighty Nite" and going back to sleep which is very much needed.  I shall play a melody for Aunt Gerry on this Day ...

I love you, Forever, Momma ~

Your Lizzie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My dearly loved Momma ~

It has been a fruitful day, practising and beginning to take better care of myself, while walking along Lake Michigan in lovely sunshine!  Although the day had many lovely moments, I could not get it out of my mind that this day, Wednesday, July 30th, 2014, marks the Fifty Eighth Week of your Earthly passing ...

It was so moving to receive an email from a friend in Denmark who expressed his sympathetic sentiments over your passing and how he sensed the very special relationship we had/have as Mother and Daughter. Although we have never met in person, it is most moving to receive such kindness from so far away.  This Danish gentleman and his wife reside in Odense, which is where I gave my first performance of the Sibelius Violin Concerto in Denmark, with Dad conducting our Tour Orchestra all those years ago!  And who could have imagined what would occur in Copenhagen only days later!

Although some things are hard these days, please know I do try to hold my head high and do things which make me feel "strong" as you always advised me, dearest Momma ...

Right now it is getting late, so I'll wind down for the moment having composed another 'Note of Remembrance' which is headed on its way to you via "God Mail"!  By the way, the 'Day by Day' message for yesterday, Tuesday, July 29th, 2014, read, "Neither time nor distance can separate those who are linked by the unbreakable bond of love" ~

I truly believe we are forever connected and shall be so for the duration.  Appropo of this, when assessing specific situations, I constantly ask myself, "What would Momma tell me to do; how would she tell me to do what I must, and what is right?"  If you wish, please speak to me in my dreams with messages born of your great wisdom ... Thanking you in advance for a 'visit', I shall say "Nighty Nite" and do what you would advise which is to go to sleep and get plenty of it ...  (Oddly, a friend at the Pharmacy told me this afternoon "Take it easy". I listened and walked home to have a rest. There are kind "Angels" helping us when we least expect it!)

Sending you Fifty Eight Hugs and Kisses from 'Down here' on 'Up',
always remember that I love you Forever, my wonderful Mother, whom I miss more than words can ever convey ... (When I hear it again as I did today, I shall reveal the name of a holy melody which the Violinist, Aaron Rosand. transcribed for Violin and Piano,) and while hearing him perform this, was literally brought to my knees in sobs and tears of pained remembrance of you ... It was another poignant moment of unspeakably wondrous Music moving me and opening my heart to the truth of the underlying grief over losing you, my dearest Mother.

Sending eternally enduring love for you and Dad ~

I Love You, Momma ... "Your Lizzie" 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

I had just awakened and was sending you a special 'Middle of the Night' note when this computer fell apart, so to speak!  Needing much more rest, I shall simply say, I have missed you more than one could have imagined in these past six days, and send you all my love for now!

Keeping this very brief, Nighty Nite for now and don't let the bed bugs bite!  

With eternal and enduring love ~ Lizzie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx+

My wonderful Mother ~

Yet again, my television service has gone completely out and I could not see the Mass tonight.  It always helps on Tuesday nights because every Wednesday AM, I know another week has elapsed since losing you  One Year and Five Weeks ago on June 19th, 2013 ...

So very much has changed, dear Momma ... You would be aghast if still here 'Under the Sun' to learn a civilian jet airliner, carrying 298 people from many countries, which took off from Amsterdam in Holland, Thursday, July 17th, 2014, en route due East and southward to its destination in Kuala Lampur, Malaysia, was shot down out of the sky at an altitude of 33,000 feet, by a sophisticated ground to air missile launch which aimed at and hit the commercial civilian airline passenger jet -- (with the missile traveling at over 2400 miles per hour) -- whilst the jet airplane was flying around 500 miles per hour. To me, this could well be the greatest tragedy since the 9/11 attacks on our country in the year, 2001 ...  Not wishing to elaborate on all the evidence pointing to a very possible terrorist attack, yet one cannot fathom any country deliberately targeting a commercial jet with at least 183 Dutch nationals on board; 9 British; many Philippine people; many Malaysian citizens; One confirmed American citizen at this writing: One confirmed Canadian citizen at this point; others from European countries including Germany, and I am so upset writing this I cannot continue, that it is apparent the entire World of good willed nations of people are in a world-wide state of disbelief and continuing shock -- as if in a terrible fog or nightmare we all wish to awaken from ...

You and Dad are 'Up There' -- far removed from this Earthly Grid of true confusion with various countries or false Leaders of countries fighting amongst themselves resulting in such innocent losses of Lives...  One asks: Where is this all leading?  At least I know you and Poppa are safely together with your long missed and mourned parents, brother and sister's, and Uncle's, Aunts, and Yes! ~ you are with your Grandparents ~ reviving relationships which brought each of you through all positive and not so positive trials to find each other, shaped by providentially connected and shared histories.  Only when one is forced by Events, can one begin to "see" a much larger picture and the thousands of threads woven together by Life's experiences which God, in all His unfathomable ways, allowed in order that you, my extraordinary Mother, would meet and marry Dad, your extraordinary husband ~ and through your great love for each other, would create a Family of Four ~

How incredible is this!? How magical for all who have walked upon or breathed the air and seen the Sun on this Earth throughout what we refer to as History and civilization!  

May the link amongst humankind be guarded and treasured particularly at this deeply vulnerable period of time ~ so as to ensure and continue propelling all that is just and good in human existence for the creation of untold generations to follow.  My prayer is for a revelatory awareness in every human heart on Earth to "wake up" and strive for resolution to grave differences through the highest form of communication: LOVE of Good, with all its Truth which is God ~ feeling His presence within each of us in order that we choose to take the Higher Road ...

Whatever thoughts have been set down here come from my upbringing by you and Dad while witnessing your non stop continuing Life examples of Good and Kindness while on Earth, Heavenly anointed ~

I love you, Forever, dearest Momma, and send you Fifty Seven  Hugs and Kisses "via God-Mail" ...

Your Lizzie on Earth

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest cherished Momma ~

On this day, Wednesday, the 16th of July, 2014, I am most aware of your passage from this Earthly Life, which was exactly One Year and Four Weeks ago on June 19th, 2013.

The time seems to be passing so quickly yet when I am alone with my thoughts and feelings my concept of "time" is undisturbed in the sense of the memories I retain vividly in my heart and mind.  It still seems impossible that you are not reacheable "here".  Many times I catch myself thinking or beginning to say to a friend or to "Doggie", "I have to call Momma" or "I must tell Momma about this."  When unsure of any decision which shall affect the future, I try very much to think what you would advise me to do ...  I think back to your decision making processes, and then remember to make a list of Pro's and Con's.  It has been my "Season at Sea", Momma; I have been more or less 'lost' since losing you, and sometimes feel completely alone on this Earth. There are special people in my life who are known to you and who have been lending moral support for which I am most grateful.  The best friend I have is the Violin and in working on the instrument (and sometimes at the Piano) I feel much more sure of my path ...  It connects me to you and your words of encouragement come back to mind giving me comfort and courage!  You always told me to "do the things which make you strong."  This simple statement carries great wisdom and many meanings which I knew when you were present "here", and which are even more poignantly understood now when you are "Up There."  

"Doggie" and I talk about you much of the time, and we laugh when I try to imitate your unique way of addressing him as "Hello, Doggie!"  You always asked me why I called him that, and when I told you the reason, your laughed and laughed, saying, "I think 'Doggie' is much more interesting than his real name!"  To put it modestly, he truly misses you and went with me on June 21st, to commemorate the first year anniversary of your passing at a special Mass for the Repose of your Soul at the Cathedral.  Both of us were very moved, to say the least.  I have made a friend who is one of the most experienced broadcaster's on the Catholic Television Network, EWTN, from whom I just received a lovely email in Rome!  She has invited us to visit her when we come to The Vatican and this is something to really look forward to.  Although we are not Catholic, I am drawn to many aspects of the Catholic faith and the basic morals it stands for.  I am also interested in other religious faiths, but realise that the most important way to please God is to follow the Ten Commandments and The Golden Rule, which is what you and Dad taught us.  Thank you, Momma, for the simple clarity of How to Live in this Life ...

Whenever the opportunity presents itself, I am able to speak about your amazing life and your musical background with enormous pride.  Those who know about you who never had the opportunity to meet you "here" on Earth, are very moved and amazed when they learn about your conquering all the traumatic odds Life threw at you -- none of which were of your doing.  Possibly, I am growing up a bit more and realising how very brutal it was for you to prevail at such a tender age.  When looking at the photographs of you as a very young child, I "see" the strength and toughness in your child's face and countenance which would be so vital to your climbing "up" from the desolation of (let us call it, 'nowhere') after losing both your beloved parents ...  

Your love for Dad and love for me is fully felt in my heart, always, and carrying me through this grief which seems not to let go.  I KNOW you are with me and on my side at this moment and every moment of my life even though you are in a very new "location."  Please tell Dad I love him as much as always and I am trying to honour the legacy you both represent.  I may have stumbled since that dreadful day in June, 2013, but, Momma, I have it in my mind to follow your path of iron will and determination which shall be my "mantra" as your daughter until I join you and Dad with God "Up there" some day ...

As I hope this 'Note of Remembrance' shall be "delivered" to you Express in "God's Email Inbox", I shall leave off for now and send you and Dad all my love and never ending admiration for the platinum lives you lived together and individually on so many levels.  Few people on Earth throughout the Centuries have achieved such purity of soul and nobleness of heart through their humanity and numerous contributions to thousands of musicians lifted Up by your knowledge and love of Music, which was, again, always pure and so true.  I am amazed when thinking of your lack of self absorption and genuine interest in helping all whom you accompanied at the piano to shine, deferring from the spotlight and wishing them  'center-stage success'.  Your love of Music stands amongst the greatest Master's who composed the very Music you served with all your heart ...  How fortunate and blessed I am to have been created from your loving union with Dad, and it is always God who deserves the ultimate praise for bringing you and your Ralph together "in the Beginning ..."

Surely, God can be more than delighted with you, His Betty, and with Dad, His Ralph ~

Counting down ~ "One, Two, Three, Four, I love you Forever, Momma, ... OFF!"  

Your Lizzie with 56 Hugs and Kisses of Love ...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My beloved Momma ~

It is Wednesday, July 9, 2014, and it marks the First Year and third week of the Second Year of your Earthly passing.  Every Wednesday I suffer through these "marker's" as I so miss and love you.  Speaking about you to many people whom I've recently met through musical discussions and talking to old friends from Idyllwild only days ago, helps as I can speak about you to those who knew and admired you and still do, even more so, which draws me to feel closer to you.  "Doggie" and I talk much about you; about your approach to Life and how remarkably you lived your long and multi-coloured lifespan here on Earth.  Your platinum musicianship holds up on the highest plateau for me and when hearing any piece of Music you loved, performed, practised, or taught to me, floods of tears start flowing ... 

I am told there is no formulae to grief.  This is absolutely true and no person on Earth can allocate or legislate a specific time period for the journey of sorrow one is enduring since losing you.  Life has changed in the sense that I can never have a heart to heart chat with you voice to voice until ...

I continue to ask myself, "What would Momma tell me to say or do?"  This is on going as you taught me so many things that they are "filed", so to speak, in one's memory bank, and can be accessed as long as I trmain healthy to do so.  Cousin Donna lost her beloved husband, Ken, in October, so I am concerned about how she is doing as well as others in my life who have been solid and true blue friends.  "Izzy" is still fighting and doing reasonably well not far away from where I live.  Marilyn is managing a bit better but I do fear how she will function if "Izzy" comes to be with you and Dad, et al ... ??

The weather here has been most peculiar - alternating between sunny to severe thunderstorms which were so violent only 6 days ago I hid under the covers ...  Mother Nature must be trying to adjust herself to the changes of this Earth and the plates below land and sea.  From what I understand, Seattle is having good sunny skies!  How fortunate!!  

 I fondly recall one of our most lovely days together in 2011, when you drove us up from LFP to your home on that gorgeous drive in the early evening with the sun shining and sky as clear as it had ever been, saying to me with a relaxed and beautiful smiling face, "Lizzie, I so love this drive!  It is one of the joys in my life and so beautiful that I always give thanks for being able to make this each time I drive home from LFP or wherever I've been!"  We were admiring the various trees and flowers - ooing and aweing ... That day was August 26th, 2011, and I shall forever see your happiness at the wheel of your Toyota Camry on what would be our last drive together in your car. (You were driving magnificently!)  What a beautiful memory, dearest Momma, for which I thank you!

There are millions of them and I am forever grateful for every one as the time passes further into a time without you and Dad here on Earth.  It is a different "Era" in which I am struggling to learn how to be and how to do ... On this July Fourth, 2014, we set up three candles on the dining room table: Red, White and Blue -- each in its own candle holder with great significance to commemorate what would have been Dad's Half Birthday, which you always loved celebrating with/ for him "Here" and when he 'left' to go "There."  Carlo and I remembered you and Poppa and I started crying ...

Suffice to say, please know how much I love you and how much you are missed as my Mother and as my musical ally, not to mention my friend.  For this moment in Earth Time, I send you Fifty Five weeks of Hugs and Kisses, all of which are accompanied with enduring love and sincere wonderment at all you are and all you achieved in your amazing Life!

Not counting down today, I will review this message and send it off, "Express God's Mail" so it reaches you ASAP!!

Your devoted loving and still grieving daughter, Lizzie 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My dearly beloved Momma ~

       To quote you, "You never know what's around the corner!"  On this day, Tuesday, July 1, 2014, I received a surprise call from our long time friend, Cami, of Idyllwild and decades since.  Also with her was an old LA friend, the very fine pianist, Gerry Robbins, who had glowing words to express his gratitude for 'all our friends from LA who had such loving and supportive parents for us as young musicians starting out on our musical path's'. Gerry felt very moved by the fact that, as he expressed, "we are not only all from LA, but we are a family of musical friends which is wonderful'.  I was deeply touched to respond by saying, "We are all bonded together..."  He heartily agreed and offered great thanks for 'my many wonderful friends!'  We spoke about you, my dearly cherished Momma, and I tried to describe my utter admiration of your amazing iron determination and will to overcome all the traumatic odds Life had thrown at you during your most tender years as a little child, twice orphaned, and armed with more than pianistic talent which included a truly natural 'savant' gift for transposition and an uncanny ear for harmony at the piano which was fostered by fine piano teaching -- leading you to the peak of musical company in the name of one of the Twentieth Century's Giant's of Composition, Arnold Schoenberg, who saw your talents and invited you to be his alternate pianist with Leonard Stein, requiring your demonstrating huge sections or large portions thereof from Schoenberg's orchestral and chamber orchestral scores, impromptu, for his most advanced classes at UCLA, during your two full years study with Schoenberg. Upon hearing this, seemingly, for the first time, both Gerry and Cami conveyed astonishment in learning about this facet of your musical life ... They both remember you vividly and with deep affection.  A "Club of Betty Fan's" is gaining momentum, of this I am undoubtedly assured, which is part of my expanded "Mission" in this newly forming phase of my Life here on Earth ~ following your ascendence 'UP' ...

On this Day, Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014, I honour you while grieving your passing of One Year and Two Weeks ago on June 19, 2013.  I am so proud to be the daughter of two truly Great People, my treasured parents, who only aspired to help others and shared all extraordinary musical and Life experiences with every aspiring child to those 'on top' professional musicians, with whom you and Dad came into contact throughout your Earthly Lives ...

There can be no question that the Ralph and Betty Matesky joint legacy is felt still  by untold many in all walks of Life ~ by people who never thought themselves worthy of your acquaintance not to mention company - and in so many providential incidences, formed lifetime friendships fused with great colleaguial partnerships! 

You gave me a Rock on which to continue building my person-hood and musician-hood.  Beloved Momma, although obstacles abound, one of my Little Books has a quotation from a profound philosopher and writer, saying, "Resistance is the best way to build muscle ..."  How about that!? There is no doubt whatsoever that you, my Mother, Betty Matesky, built muscle's of steel!  What an awesome path you travelled -- especially as it was a " Road Less Travelled", and throughout the duration of your journey here on Earth, you utterly prevailed!

Sleep calls after an extremely long yet fruitful day with some 'God Moments' which were never expected, so I shall wind down and  recall our telephone routine which was developed out of sheer necessity!  Counting down, let Us recall,  "One, Two, Three, Four, Nighty Nite -- I love you Forever, dearest Momma, OFF!!" 

Sending Fifty Four Weeks Worth of Hugs and Kisses UP via 'God's Express Overnight Mail' ...

Your Eternally Admiring and Proud Daughter, "Lizzie" ~

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma~

I just lost my entire message to you, so will simply say that I shall write another 'Note of Remembrance' on Friday.  I had spent almost 2 hours and it just got all mixed up.  Please accept my deep apologies and know how very much you are missed as this day, Wednesday, June 25, 2014, begins the First Week of the Second Year of your Earthly Departure.  I have much to share with you, and will do so to commemorate The Day we laid you to Eternal Rest, 27th of June, 2013, which shall be exactly One Year on this Friday, 27th of June, 2014 ...

I miss you all the time and hear your lilting voice in my mind constantly!  So much to say, yet I know you would insist I go to sleep now as it has gotten far too late, being 1:43 AM, June 25, 2014 ...

I love you Forever, dearest Momma ... Nighty Nite!

Your "Lizzie" XO (A Hug and a Kiss, on the First Week of your Second Year with Dad in Heaven.  Kiss "Poppa" for me, and please do tell God how very grateful I am He brought you and Dad together in marriage which now has Eternity 's Years ~ Never Ending ...

(More Hugs and Kisses to my wonderful parents!)

A Mother-Daughter "good bye" prior to Betty's daughter, Elisabeth, flying back to London, UK, from Salt Lake City, Utah, airport in late December, 1970 ...

Thursday, June 19, 2014  ~  First Year Anniversary

My wonderful and terribly missed Momma ~

It is 8:15 AM here in Chicago, on the 19th of June, 2014, to which I awakened about 20 minutes ago.  I admit having dreaded this day because it marks your last Earthly cadence ...  I was up, wondering around your downstairs bedroom, exactly one year ago on this June 19th, 2013, date -- feeling very unsettled after washing my hands in the downstairs bathroom.  Returning to my twin bed, I turned on the Weather Channel, of all things, to sort of keep myself "company."  Not knowing exactly Why I was doing this at 6:30 AM in your house, I starred at the small television screen for a bit, and around 6:40 AM, crawled back under the covers to go back to sleep -- all the while thinking of you and assuming I would come over to see you in the afternoon.  As I turned off the small TV, with sleep starting to take hold, I suddenly received a telephone call.  Thinking to myself, "Who could be possibly calling me so early?", I finally picked up the phone and heard Mike's voice which was at least an octave lower than normal.  It was 7:02 AM, and most unexpected.  I said, "Yes?", and Mike said, "Liz?", and we exchanged this same back and forth several times until I finally sat up in bed and asked, "Mike, What is it? What is it?".  He was obviously trying to steel himself to have to tell me the worst news of both our lives ... I knew whatever he was trying to utter was NOT GOOD.  Finally, after another long pause, he spoke the words I had dreaded hearing since the beginning of your battle against cancer.  I was stunned and so was he.  He actually offered to come over to drive me to where you were -- saying he would get up, throw some clothes on and drive over.  Knowing he had only recently undergone a medical procedure, I suggested trying to find a ride so he wouldn't have to come all the way over "with this terrible news." I told him, "I shall ring you right back."  Most fortunately, a dear friend who had provided many of my rides throughout the 2 years of my continuous trips to Seattle, offered to come and bring me to where you were.  Momma, I was in some sort of stunned shock.  As these words are being set down, which is now 8:32 AM here in Chicago, you then had only 18 minutes of life left at 6:32 AM, Seattle time.  In reliving some of this and recounting it, I am in another sort of fog right now.  It is a haze of disbelief and of resignation.  I do not wish to believe that the most important woman in the world, who gave me life, and loved and taught me from the moment of my entry into this World, has been taken "home" by God to Heaven ...  I cannot bare this. It has changed my life forever, and my perception of some whom I thought were friends ... It has - and is forcing me to start relying upon my inner instincts more and more, yet I find myself asking, "What would Momma tell me to do?  What would she say?" Just Tuesday last, June 17th, I saw my grief counselor who is a very wise person and said, "Elisabeth, I hear you making better decisions much more, commenting to me, 'This is what my Mother would tell me to do; this is what she would want.'"  My counselor told me, "You seem to always know WHAT to do, and I see you slowly beginning to become the spirit of your Mother.  She is living on in you more and more with your decisions and in your behavior."  Hearing my counselor's words which were sincere was quite surprising!  

Dearest Momma, I have some hope and belief that this may be in process.  I did burst into sobs of grief, saying, "I can never fill the huge shoes of my Mother, Betty.  She was a remarkable woman who had to rise out of the ashes of orphan-hood at so tender an age.  She possessed an iron will and strength inside herself and was the most disciplined person I have ever known along with my father.  She is irreplaceable and I so want to be near to her on Thursday's Anniversary, yet I sense Momma would tell me to get more rest as I've had so little recently, and she would wish me to spend Thursday, the First Year Anniversary of her Earthly Departure, doing 'the things which make you strong and empowered'" ...  I told my counselor through sobs of tears, that I was deferring my trip to Seattle although I so wished to be at the Cemetery with you at the very minutes these words are being set down.  We spoke together of the Pro's and Con's of the trip, and I realised you would not wish me to specifically be there at your resting place because, as I explained to my counselor, "Momma would say - 'I won't be able to speak with you voice to voice so remember me by playing something on your violin and having a nice quiet meal with Doggie, talking about Music with friends, and listen to some Music I so loved -- Brahms perhaps, and do get some sleep."  Well, dearest Momma, my counselor said it sounded like the best plan for this deeply painful day which marks the actual day of your final cadence one year ago.  It is now 8:48 AM, Chicago time, which is 6:48 AM, Seattle time.  In just 2 minutes I shall know that your long life of 93 and 3/5th's years 'played' its last chords in what we call, Life ...  It is NOW that Moment -- 6:50 AM (8:50 AM in Chicago).  I am here and you, my beloved Mother, are in a place of utter beauty and no sorrows; no tears; and no more worries about all concerns which consume us here on Earth.  

You are with Dad, your treasured and deeply mourned husband, Ralph, FINALLY -- after being separated since March 3rd, 1979.  You are together for the duration of Eternity and I know you are each other's joy and love forever more ...  You both are in Heaven's Arms with God, the Creator of all things on Earth, and more importantly, in Heaven ...  In this moment and throughout every second of this June 19th, 2014 Day, I shall try to do what you would wish me to and start by going back to sleep to later arise and finish a special letter to send in your memory, and do things which shall bring comfort to others who need to be reassured right now.  My close friend in LA had major surgery on Monday and needs reassurance all shall be well; another treasured friend needs true moral support for a meeting with the full Chemotherapy team of Doctor's on this day; another loved one needs to speak about you and be assured of returning to vigorous health, and I know Carlo needs to have loving feelings and inner assurance that I am more or less Whole on this very poignant day, the first June 19th of my life without you from its onset at 12:00 AM midnight here until its finish at 12:00 AM, tomorrow, also here --which encompasses exactly 15 hours from the moment of this first writing at 9:00 AM Chicago time.  I shall start winding down with this ~ my Letter of Love and Grief over your Earthly Absence, by mentioning that late last night, I heard a fine Violinist performing the Brahms Violin Concerto in a recorded Live concert and knew, Momma, in my gut and soul, that I have an overview of this Masterwork Now - which, if God allows me the time to re-visit this great work, I shall prevail past what I was grateful to hear late last night.  Perhaps God beings us through the deepest valley's to awaken our deeper senses to this phenomenon called Life, as in my own circumstances - to broaden and deepen my experience of the profundity of Life in order to communicate whatever depths I've grown into as a result of losing you -- back in to the Music of Brahms on my Violin which stems from one's heart ~ now imbued with a deeper capacity for sorrow and a deeper capacity for joy.  By this I mean: an enriched capacity for joy due to the incredible happiness and security I had growing up in our home with you and Dad loving me for myself -- for my good and for my bad and my in between's!  You cradled me, dearest Momma, from my cradle to the point of your departure last June 19th, 2013, at 6:50 AM.  No Mother ever lived on this Earth who did more than you to love her children, and no Mother on Earth ever gave so much of herself - yet kept her children protected from the traumatic sorrows she carried in her heart from orphan-hood as you did.  Your Life is a Memorial to both your parents and to yourself as a Woman of great qualities who overcame almost impossible odds to rise up out of emotional ashes to the peak of person-hood and musician-hood, with platinum qualities God set in you at birth which were so pure that a very handsome "guy" from New York City fell madly in love with you and married you in January, 1941, for ALL THE RIGHT REASONS, and you never left him nor his legacy, A.D., but carried forth all he did as an acclaimed music educator/ composer/ arranger/ Conductor and Presidential Leader, in the grandest fashion, ensuring the Ralph Matesky name would be long remembered which it very much is on this day!  I received an amazing note, only yesterday, from one of our ASTA President's, praising you, Momma, for all your good works, and in a recent conversation of a few days prior, this colleague was thanking me for, "your father, Ralph Matesky's, educational materials and teaching which had/has affected (his) life and learning to the point of (his) accomplishment as a Professor of Music Education and the Head of ASTA, which you and Dad built and uplifted to its present magnificence - both nationally and internationally.  Surely Momma, God is more than well pleased with you and your Ralph!  He has set a place of Honour for you both right "Up There" at His Table of Servant's in whom He is more than well pleased ~

Thank you for Everything! ...  With the wonderful floral artistry of a friend, we were able to create a gorgeous "Cloud of Flowers" for you and Dad to float upon where you are now both resting to commemorate this "First Anniversary of your Togetherness in Heaven's Arms".  It is in aqua and white being Holy in its beauty ...
There are Angels on Earth to help salute the two most special Angels known to me -- my musical mentor's and loving parents, my father, "Dad", and you, "Momma", my beloved and most cherished Mother.

With Eternal and Enduring Love ~

Your grieving yet deeply grateful daughter, "Lizzie"

Fifty Two Kisses and Hugs of Love are now yours via God Mail ...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My beloved Mother ~

Today, or just yesterday, Wednesday, June 11, 2014, I suddenly realised my error in the number of weeks which have passed since June 19, 2013, the Final Day of your Earthly Journey ...  Being incorrect due to a few "glitches" with my Notes of Remembrance not being posted here, I thought it was the 49th Week on Wednesday, June 11, 2014, but it is actually the 50th Week, and next Wednesday, June 18th, 2014, shall mark the 51st Week, with the very next day, Thursday, the 19th of June, 2014, actually marking the First Year Anniversary of the Day I lost you -- which still seems inconceivable and unreal to me.  I choose to reject the idea of you not being here with me.  It is simply Not So.  

I feel your presence through the darkness and the fog; I feel your persistence and steel resolve in my mind and consciousness more and more; I HEAR your words to me throughout my Life to "Do the things which make you strong and independent."  In trying to decide whether to come to you and Dad (which a huge part of my soul so wishes to do to commemorate The Anniversary), I 'hear' your thoughts which most likely would tell me to save the funds for something which shall be greatly needed in the future.  That said, please know there is an inner struggle taking place inside my mind ...

You shall hear from me in some way which possibly no human person will know nor see, but in a realm you and Dad shall feel and boomerang back to me here on Earth ...

It is very late, dearest Momma, so I shall follow your advice to " get a lot of sleep -- at least 8 or up to 10 hours", after a really long day on June 11, 2014.

Just know I had the great pleasure to actually speak with our dear friend and rare musical 'comrade', Peter Croser, and he spoke glowingly of you, mentioning he could hardly believe 'it will be a full year since Betty left us ..."  How very blessed we have been having platinum people who are outstanding musicians in our lives for many decades!  I know how special Peter was to you and to Dad, not to mention to me as a concert artist and as an American in London from nearly Day One!  His trip to Seattle when Dad was so ill was magical and Heaven sent.  

About to say 'Nighty Nite', I feel deeply blessed to be your daughter and to have the opportunity to honour your legacy and Life Lessons through efforts on my own behalf to pull my person-hood UP to your standards before leaving Earth to join you and Dad when God thinks me worthy to be in your Heavenly company.

With eternal and enduring love to you ~ my deeply missed Momma, with 50 Hugs and Kisses c/o God's Heaven Mail ...

Your Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My adored Momma ~

In these past days, the bitter reality of your absence here on Earth has become only more so as the vivid memories swirl around in my mind of All That Was one year ago ...  You were in the arms of Tina and myself on Sunday, June 2nd, 2013, late in the afternoon as we helped you return to your room from the Ladies, and suddenly, without any warning, you began to go down and Tina and I held you as tightly as ever imagined to prevent what would have been a catastrophic fall.  It took all my might and that of Tina's, yet we managed to get you safely atop on your bed, and I refused to leave until you were back on the oxygen.  I stayed as long as I was allowed ~ holding your hand and hands, stroking your forehead and just being at your side.  I was jarred into a reality I had feared yet had been enabled to prevent -- Then ... Finally convinced you were rallying and relaxing into a good sleep, I came back to your house and cried a long time, while simultaneously giving thanks for being put "there" when I was very much needed.  It was on a Sunday ~ God's Day, and God wasn't ready for you ...  

He gave us (you and me) 17 more days; seventeen more days together on Earth to be close and to begin the--unbeknownst to me at that moment in time--process of preparing our Earthly farewell's ...  Even on this day, now June 4, 2014, I poignantly recall last June 4th, 2013, after accidentally hitting my right toes on the table leg of your Family Room table, still coming over to be with you ( in pain, but who cared?) and we had a lovely visit.  You were wearing that wild oranged pantsuit with its gorgeous camisole "Doggie and I had given you, and that ever beautiful sparkling necklace we both shared, looking absolutely lovely and serene with your hair done and perfectly waved just off your face.  I was amazed at your resilience after Sunday's scare.  We really didn't speak too much, but it wasn't necessary!  You said you would "love Brahms all my life", and acknowledged loving the music of Beethoven, Mozart, and other Master's, even saying, "I must practise tomorrow!"  I told you, "I am a witness to your vow to practise 2 minutes tomorrow!"  It was a gorgeous day and around 6: 00 PM, and time for some Ensure.  You were extremely sleepy, so we decided to say "Nighty Afternoon" and kissed good bye so you could get your rest.  It was in that moment, my beloved Momma, that looked you me straight in the eye with great love and quietly uttered, "I really need my rest now ..."

Upon tip toeing away from your bedside, I blew you kisses and knew you were trying to tell me something of profound importance. Later, at home in your Family Room, I broke down and could barely eat.  I knew you were starting to let go ~ to give your mighty battle to live to Divine providence ~ with every confidence in the way of "things"...

My wonderful friend, my treasured Mother, as these feelings are pouring forth to the lovely violin playing of Maxim Vengerov in Tchaikovsky's "Souvenir.D'un Lieu Cher", I am at this moment back there with you, June 4th, 2013, in the last moments on that gorgeous day which would be the summit of what would be the last 14 and 1/2 days of your Life on Earth ... 

I would not change one second; one moment or any words we spoke together, nor laughs we shared, or sentiments we expressed to each other about Life, all happenings, and every moment of your life you so graciously chose to share with me, your grateful daughter.  As it is late -- too late now, I will leave off and tell you "Doggie" and I had a lovely dinner with Linda last night speaking much about you!  She remembers your loving smile, your warmth and true kindness in giving her a copy of the "Lullaby" by Dad to play for her third child which was on her way into the world when you met.  Smiles adorned the faces of "Doggie" and Linda whilst speaking of "Betty"!  I was so touched the tears started to flow and it was okay.  Momma, "Doggie" and I miss you so very much ... He is an ardent admirer of yours and shall always be.  

As we used to do our routine after talking on the phone, to keep from getting in trouble in case you forgot to turn off the speaker phone, I shall now count down!  "One, Two, Three, Four ... Nighty Nite, 'Mommie', I love you Forever ~ OFF!"

Sending you all my love which grows evermore on this 48th Week of your earthly departure, please accept 48 Hugs and Kisses while Aram Khachaturian's Maskarade Suite, (the first orchestral piece I led as Concertmaster of All Southern) plays in the background, which ultimately led to my lifelong love of his Violin Concerto, which further enhances my eternal gratitude to you as your pupil and Daughter in Life and the Hereafter ~

"Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My cherished Momma ~

A question was posed by some very respected and truly successful people, known to all in America and parts further, which has and is making me really THINK!!  The Question is:

            If you were 22 Again What Would You Do?

Needless to say, there are numerous things I would not change if I was again 22!  However, you know full well there are decisions I would very possibly reverse if I was again aged 22!  As this 'Note of Remembrance' is just that, I will not depart from the focus of my letter to you which is being composed in the wee hours of May 21, 2014, which marks the Forty Sixth Week of your Earthly Departure from your Physical Being to your Inner Soul, which had grown and expanded so deeply in understanding, knowledge, and true compassion with the underside being a bittersweet insight into all who passed through your long life, some staying until God's Call, and most others leaving for lesser reasons, that your physical being could no longer 'house' this great Soul which was so oversized, IT, Your Soul, had to leave its over 93 year 'home' for a much larger one ~ God's Kingdom, which was beckoning you to bring all you had become spiritually on June 19, 2013, to the only sphere of Existence encompassing enough Time and Space to hold the Soul of a Great Servant ~ You, my beloved Mother, who needed to join the company of her forever mourned husband, Ralph, because the physical separation was too much to continue enduring for one more moment ...  You knew, deep down in your thoughts, I was begging you to please stay 'HERE' with me, your daughter and needy friend, but it was time to -- as they say in America -- 'Move On' ...

Momma, giver of Life, to me, to Mike, and all whom were touched by your presence, I admit my selfishness in holding on so tightly to you in the last days ...  Such was my dread of losing you, the absolute root and truth of my life, I was mourning your loss well before the actual morning it cadenced into mortality.  

One of your greatest admirer's, your Radiologist, said to me with endeared compassion, "Elisabeth you are in pre-mourning for your Mother, and we can offer you moral support and grief counseling now ..."  What a remarkable person he was, and how your endurance and fight over the brutal disease he was waging war over through radiation moved him, his entire team and all who were deeply committed to bringing you back to perfect health.  My extraordinary Momma!  "Doggie" and I spoke of your Might last evening and of how you "confounded all her Doctor's!"  I recalled your Oncologist scratching his head, then looking straight at you in early May, 2013, saying, "Betty, you are not supposed to be here because most would not be.  What are you doing?"  You most innocently replied, " I'm still just puttering around!"  He was speechless and you then went on to compliment him on the colour of his tie!  If I'd not been a witness to this it would have been hard to imagine, but as your Radiologist said about you, (I believe his favoured patient)," Your Mother is a Spitfire!" WOW!  That is all I can say and shall scream it to anyone who will listen!!

There is no doubt in my mind we shall be together again!  Please receive this statement when you 'sense' these words 'Up There' later, on this Wednesday, the 21st of May, 2014.  Surely, God's Email Inbox will delight His "Mail Deliverer's" and you and Dad will know, "no matter how far apart, no matter how dark the day, I promise you one thing, I'll Be With You ... "

As our Composer 'Hero', Johann Sebastian Bach, remarked ~ "I play the notes as they are written, but it is God who makes the music."

The meaning of Bach's golden statement will be intuitively understood and known to both you and Dad on every human and heavenly level of the Universe ~

I love you, Forever, dearest Momma ...

Your "Lizzie" + 46 Hugs and Kisses

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

Last night, May 13, 2014, I heard/saw the exquisite performance of the Adagio sostenuto (slow movement) of Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2, with the late pianist, Alexis Weissenberg, as piano soloist, accompanied by the Giant, Herbert von Karajan, conducting his Berlin Philharmonic, in what I can only attempt to describe for you as being from the Kingdom in which you now reside with Heaven's musical holiness ... Of all musicians known to me, dearest Momma, you would have been the most deeply moved. Perfectly unconditional and pure love was pouring forth from Mr. Weisenberg's hands and soul with the intimate orchestral accompaniment blended so tenderly ~ wrapped around the pearled solo piano 'song of sorrow' ~ by von Karajan and his Berlin Philharmonic musician's - during which Maestro von Karajan's head remained bowed throughout -- in what seemed his reverence in prayer for this slow movement offering 'Up' composed by the great Sergei Rachmaninoff, that I was weeping, knowing you, my beautiful Mother, were somehow truly present with me, here in my home, listening to these rare magical moments of musical "communion" ...

One's entire being was transformed from the events of the day, yesterday, to another dimension -- a world of true peace, harmony, compassion and love.  This 'otherworld' musical experience had/has the healing power that no pills can ever provide ...  How grateful I am, now 16 hours later, on this Forty Fifth Week, (May 14, 2014), marking your Earthly departure to still be floating -- as on a cloud of Rachmaninoff's musical dream -- whilst writing to you, undisturbed by everyday vissicitudes and/or Earthly concerns ~ You deserve perfect love as you have entered your Eternal rest which is now mutually shared with your life-long love, your husband and our father, Ralph ...  From your Earth-bound daughter's heart, please accept my on going commitment and love to you both, via God's Heaven-mail ...

Missing you here, beloved Momma, I vow to try living in my "Higher Self", for the purpose of representing all you tried teaching me ~ for your legacy as my Mother must be carried forth from now until my exit "Up" for all to remember ...  With God's loving assistance, let my behaviour reflect the highest levels of yours which left an indelible signature and never to be forgotten impression ~ forever imprinted within the hearts and memories of all those souls so very privileged to have known you throughout your Earthly Life ...

Remembering you -- gentle, serene and loyal beyond the natural, beloved Momma, Betty, with Eternal and Enduring Love, Forever ~

"Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Treasured Momma ~

It is the early morning of Mother's Day, May 11, 2014, and most of this past week I've been very weepy and deeply upset with this entire idea of you not being "Down Here" on Earth for this very special day which we celebrated every single year of our Earthly live's together ...

From earliest memories, I vividly recall receiving my first Easter bonnet/hat from you!  In tandem with this exciting occasion for a girl of 12 or 13, we got to drive to Pales Verdes on a Sunday afternoon which, I think, was Mother's Day, and you, Dad, Mike and I sang as we were enjoying our drive up to that beautiful Spanish styled Square in Pales Verdes, where Dad parked our grey 4 door Chrysler (nicknamed, 'Laddie'), and the four of us got out and began walking about all over the Square on an absolutely gorgeous Sunday in May!   I can still "see" this family outing most clearly in my mind's eye ... You and I were wearing our Easter hats, but it was Mother's Day!  We finally got to the best part of our visit which was going into a lovely ice cream shop--sort of drugstore with, I believe, a soda fountain and Dad started ordering our ice cream Sundae's!  I always loved the tasty goo on the Chocolate Sundae's at Pales Verdes Square, and this Mother's Day outing was no different in that I couldn't wait for that delicious treat!  Of course, those were during your constant "battle of the bulge" years and you were vigilantly watching every calorie ~ trying to let go a tiny bit that Sunday, to enjoy your very tasty and fattening dessert goop!  We always kidded you about your diets but you kept at it and overcame the war on excess weight many times over!  As in everything you vowed to do, you perservered diligently and prevailed!  What an extraordinary example of self discipline you displayed for which I am deeply grateful to this day on 5/11/14!!  It is at least 56 years since then as these words are being written ...  

How deeply missed you are, dearly loved Momma ...  As I wrote to you a few days ago, I burst into sobs and sobs of tears at the store this past Tuesday.  I was weeping, such was the pain I felt without you.  This past week was one of the most painful I've experienced thus far.  Thankfully, at this moment my thoughts are completely occupied with writing to you about some happy times, which takes one back to happy thoughts which the four of us shared!  

Because sleep has eluded me a good portion of this past night, I think it best to make this commemorative Mother's Day note shorter than longer ...  The most important sentiment in my mind is to tell you that, although I cannot speak voice to voice with you 'down here' today, I know that in God's Kingdom, you and Poppa are spending your first Mother's Day together in thirty six years!  In this regard, I send you both all the love in my heart and soul because you are reunited and can be One, finally, after 35 years, 3 months and 16 days ...  As your daughter, I am joyful for you as your heart must be overflowing with pitter patter's at being 'taken out' by your adored husband, Ralph, for Mother's Day in Heaven, and they are sure to have a version of that glorious Pales Verdes ice cream/ drug store soda fountain with unfathomably delicious Chocolate God Sundae's and sunlight outside which one cannot even imagine because it is bathed in God's streaming Light!

A tearful yet joyful Happy Mother's Day to the BEST and most tenderly loving Mother in all the Earthly world, now residing in God's endless Universe ~ from your loving daughter who longs to be with you and Dad yet shall try again, whilst 'Down Here', to do much better to make you both proud, accept my enduring and eternal love ~

Forever Your Daughter, Elisabeth    X  And  X

 One More Big Hug and One More Big Kiss to you both on your  "First Mother's Day With Dad in Heaven"  ~  

X  and  X  Again!!

My wonderful dearly missed Momma ~

These past 5 days have been so difficult that if God should call me I shall answer ... Yesterday, I was able to purchase something for you which I know, without a doubt, you would also have bought for me. It was a joyful several hours looking at many very reasonably priced items of crockery which we would both enjoy together if only you could be 'down here' for Mother's Day, May 11, 2014 ...  

My deep sadness cannot be very well concealed especially when I started weeping at the lovely store yesterday hearing, in passing, a well meaning person saying to me, "Have a lovely Mother's Day on Sunday."  It was more than I could bare - breaking down and not able to stop crying.  Some kind sales people helped me to find my ride home, which was quite a distance.  Anyway, those with whom I speak, tell me you are now happy in Heaven and don't ever have to worry again about earthly concerns.  Momma, with all my heart and soul, I pray this is the absolute truth ...  You are now with Dad and your reunion does give me great comfort.  

Please forgive me for still being selfish in wanting you back here, if only for a short while ~ I've been talking to Carolyn who has expressed concerned about the effect on me since losing you.  On this very day, Forty Four Weeks ago, you left this Earthly world with great yet quietly regal dignity.  I was at your side within less than three hours and brought you some of your most cherished clothes from home which comprised your gorgeous 90th Birthday blouse, its matching camisole, your black kick pleat velvet skirt, "our aqua/ light blue sparkled shawl with fringe", and a nice pair of black shoes.  When I was next was allowed to see you, you looked beautiful and truly divine - ready for your journey to God's Kingdom and straight into Dad's long awaiting arms.  I played upon my violin awhile to say a musical "Good bye until we meet again", and your friends joined me in a tiny prayer service to honour you, including all you achieved and were during your earthly life.  And, Momma, as this 'Note of Remembrance' is being set down here, I am suddenly listening to none other than the Beethoven Symphony No. 6, the "Pastoral", performed by the Columbia Symphony Orchestra, conducted by the great Bruno Walter, whom Dad absolutely worshipped as you did as well.  It must be providential because this recording must have been made in the 1950's or late '40's!  It is magnificently presented and contains the elements of divine peace and love which could only have been inscribed into Beethoven's heart and mind by the Almighty ... I believe it is in your honour as you so love Beethoven and especially his "Pastoral" Symphony!  Of course, I also know you and Dad were and still are deeply moved and attached to his Ninth Symphony ... If only you were here right now, we could talk Music again!  In my heart, I know you are present because my spirits are beginning to lift as I continue sharing my thoughts here with you, my dearly loved Mother and one of the greatest loving pianists and musicians to ever have graced this Earthly world ...

Now you are with the Creator and the Saints including all the wondrous composers, performing artists, and wonderful souls who made this world, "down here", beautiful even amidst terrible human tragedies.  You are 'Up there' to help and assist many who need comfort for their mutually shared pains. And most importantly you are now rejoined with your beloved brother and 'Sis' and all Dad's sibling's, both your sets of parents, Uncle Leo! and thousands of adored friends, students, other family, and even Mr. Bonaparte!  

As it is getting late, I better wind down, but wish you to know your photographs with Dad and a few solo pictures are very close to me and get a kiss every day!  As we used to do our routine to avoid forgetting to hang up the telephone receiver, I shall now count down with, "One, Two, Three, Four, Nighty Nite, and I love you, Forever ~ OFF!"

Always know I love you Forever, dearest Momma ~

Your "Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Toscanini is now conducting the NBC Symphony's live telecast performed in 1952, from Carnegie Hall in the Pines of Rome!       
                                           WOW!!  
And now comes Maria Callas to sing "Tu Che le Vanita's " from Donizetti's opera, "Don Carlo' ~ Bravissimo's to Toscanini and Maria Callas!

My dearly missed Momma ~

So many obstacles have crowded my path and caused a serious delay in writing to you, especially to commemorate this Forty Third Week of your Earthly departure which occurred Wednesday, June 19, 2013, that an apology will not nearly suffice ...  It is simply not possible to describe my on going feelings of loss ...

In speaking to "Doggie", I told him, "I keep thinking Momma will be back soon.  It may not make sense, but I am waiting for her to return."  He looked at me and in nodding his sympathetic face, indicated an unspoken acknowledgement and extra dimensional understanding of my expressed sentiments.  I am so deeply grateful for his presence in my life.  By the time this reaches your "God's Betty Box", it shall be May 1st, 2014, which marks the 54th Year anniversary of "Doggie's" family's arrival on North American soil!

When real hurdles come, uninvited, I do feel more vulnerable not being able to call you, treasured friend and beloved Mother ~

I received a wonderful gift from London on Monday, Momma, which I know would absolutely delight you!  It is an earlier edition of the Strad magazine and contains a full two paged critique about my performance/s of the Bach E Major Violin Concerto No. 2 and an impromptu "encore" I gave at concert's end of J.S. Bach's Chaconne!  The praise is extraordinary and lifted my spirits a million miles up!  It confirms everything you and Dad told me about my "potential" and accomplishment of such as described in this rave review/article.  On top of which the British colleague who sent me this magazine mentions having just purchased the DVD of "God's Fiddler", the recent film on Mr. Heifetz, writing, "... and you're in it!"  You and I had spoken about it a few years ago when the project was brought to my attention, being invited to participate.  So, one's life of work is, by God's grace, being honoured  here as well as parts further!  I know that without your and Dad's  great musical gifts and love for music with the finest teaching at home, I would never have been enabled to play and express great music upon my violin, nor have a comprehensive knowledge of the whole tapestry of score's for Masterworks of great composers, especially of Violin Concerti with orchestra.  It is not possible to set down my tearful gratitude to you and Dad, my great teachers and friends.  Now without you both on Earth, I am traveling back to innumerable conversations and musical "tutorials" which were as natural at home as was eating dinner together every evening.  How miraculous it all was!  Listening at this moment to "Scheherazade" of Rimsky Korsakov, hearing a superb recording conducted by the great Kiril Kondrashin leading the Concertegbouw Orchestra in Amsterdam, I realise how deeply Dad led me both violinistically and musically into this compositional masterpiece and every work learned from him with your unique perspective as a pianist who viewed the Whole rather than bits and pieces of a composition.  The tender sentiments expressed here in the unveiling of Rimsky Korsakov's magnificent story-setting through his truly unique Art for composition is bringing tears which are starting to pour down my face filled with a million musical memories ~ all from you, my adored Mother and cherished Father ...

Being overcome by the power of emotions which sit inside until great music draws them up and onto the surface of my being, this 'Note of Remembrance' shall close with a "Good Night", dearest Momma and Poppa, as the fourth Concertmaster solo is being beautifully performed which reconnects me to our musical lives which were innately joined to our life as the Ralph and Betty Matesky Family ... Before coming to join you, I shall do everything possible to play some special music and send it "Up" for your Heavenly ears and hearts ...

In the scheme of things, it is God who shall allow me the privilege for enough time to perform on that Olympic level which is now unknown.

As "Scheherazade" is moving to its finale, I send you both never ending love and 43 Hugs and Kisses, my precious Momma ~

Loving you and Music Forever, 

"Lizzie" & "Betsy"! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearly missed Momma ~

This computer is all messed up so I will simply say how much I love you and miss you on this 41st Week of your ascent from Earth "Up" to Heaven.  At least I was with you within three hours of your initial departure and played some of your favourite pieces on my violin in an effort to say my final "Good Bye" to you ... I shall never know HOW I was able to do that except to say it had to come from God, Himself.  Surely, not myself, but He moved my mind, memory, fingers, bow, heart and soul upon the violin so you could "hear" Music on the way "Up There" ~

It is time to sleep, and I can only hope this short message reaches you via God's email because my computer on Earth is really out of alignment at 3:02 AM, April 16, 2014 ...

Sending you and Dad all my love coated with misted tears, accept 41 Hugs and Kisses from "down here" in a valley prior to entry through the resurrection of Christ Jesus on Easter Sunday ...

I love you, Forever ~

Your Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearly missed Momma ~

Today, Wednesday, April 9, 2014, marks the 40th Week of your Earthly departure, and  having been ill an entire night ago is probably due, in part, to the stress of losing you at this point.  It is all too much and especially so when being reminded of the brevity of your illness and extraordinary efforts to fight against it, which were beyond heroic and never ending ...

You gave "Death" a bloody hard time and pushed it back at a number of critical points through your sheer will of iron grit.  Your Doctor's were amazed and confounded by your staying power and even told you so ... As your daughter, I was/am more than proud of you throughout the biggest battle of your life.  Even though you  quietly told me on June 4th, 2013, "Lizzie, I really need my rest now," you continued your fight for which I shall always thank God in allowing me to be there with you almost non stop. Momma, I did not allow the feared reality to ever take hold of my thoughts.  All I knew after you were transferred elsewhere was, "tomorrow I'll be over with some new lipstick/make up for Momma or a picture she'd like to see/have or bring a piece of music she wants to play or have me  play on my violin or attempt on the piano"...  We were a team and I wish you to know that I know without a doubt, I have never done anything as important or fulfilling in my life as being with you during the almost 2 year stretch of what I refer to as "Betty's Battle"...

No one on Earth can proclaim your fight a defeat. Why?  Due to the indisputable fact that you prevailed over all odds which the greatest medical and psychological minds have yet to arrest and/or conquer.  And in so doing, for what can be called, "Betty's going into 'Over Time'", you defied the odds, enjoying nearly six happy weeks during your Grand Finale of Life here on Earth!   Let it be known, I have searched my mind for answers as to How we could have prevented this illness from taking you?  Part of my life must somehow include a campaign to raise awareness in the medical and public "civilian" communities to such a fevered pitch that a crusade takes hold and people all over America and parts further re-determine to establish a lasting cure for esophageal cancer.  

Now resident in Heaven's Haven, you are restored to Eternal health and Life with your beloved husband, Ralph, along with your cherished Mother and Father, Leon, Eva, Dad's parents, Thelma, Gerry and Sadelle, wonderful Ardelle with flute in hand, and all surrounding you at God's Piano which resonates with His pearled sounds on the keyboard under your loving touch!  For sure, you have played some Brahms, and played through "Rip" with Uncle Leo and dear Ed dropping 'round - singing his title role with Dad gleefully nodding while Uncle Leo continues to crack jokes which even God, Himself, cannot stop from endless laughter!  Everyone is happy and especially joyful because you, their Betty, is 'back', never to be separated from her Ralph, parents, Ardelle, and all others mentioned.  Oh!  Uncle Mel is about to take a Family Portrait in Heaven's Haven, so smile beautifully for all to view in Heaven's Eternal Photograph Album ~

Trying to cope 'down here' on this Day, I shall play my violin a little later. This is my promise to you, dearest Momma!

Please accept 40 Hugs and Kisses from your ~

"Lizzie" xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

It is absurdly early yet "things" churning in my mind are causing me to feel somewhat blinded by the future ...  Having had the privilege of seeing one of the greatest films ever made the other night titled, "Flight of the Phoenix", and at film's end, being overjoyed by the conquering spirit of 8 men who survived every odd of doing just that -- re-building their crashed airplane into a "model airplane" which eventually flies them from the approaching fate of death in the Arabian desert, and to true victory over millions of odds stacked against them, brought home, yet again, the overwhelming realisation of your own personal triumph/s over the worst blows one can be hit with in Life on Earth, and indeed, at so very tender an age, twice struck, with the losses of both your Mother and Father ...  "Doggie" and I looked right into each other's eyes with mutual tears of understood joy in unspoken salute's to your rise from the emotional/ psychological ashes of parental loss to the height's of  your own "Betty's Flight of the Phoenix"!!  Momma, you won a war which most could never do ~  The more this time of separation from your Earthly presence continues, the more clearly into focus your sheer grit and iron determination become apparent to me.  If ever I thought I knew anything 'more' than you when growing up and starting out my younger adult life, the more I now know and SEE, I didn't!  What ignorance and lack of understanding I must have exhibited at that younger period in my life, and for the frustration it must have brought you and Dad.  Please accept my humble apologies here and now ...

We think, as very young people, we know it all so clearly; that our parents and elders are just floating around!  How absolutely ludicrous this seems!  Really, Momma, I was the one who knew so little!   How does a Mother with your victory over life's most severe blows manage to "understand" her children who haven't had such adversity thrust in their paths?  You possessed unconditional love and the greatest faith in action!  That must be How ...  You were light years ahead and as I once read, was "the Angel who had gone before me..."  Thank you, dearest Momma; Thank You!

For all your efforts I must try to make the absolute platinum best of the time left to me upon this Earth ...  A very daunting challenge, to be sure. ~  Once again, I invite you to visit me in my dreams with messages of guidance from afar, and possibly not so, as we are assured the soul and spirit of great person's, especially our parents, are very near.  God is in one's every fiber, so you, my beloved Mother, must be as close as my own breath ...

With this comforting thought, I shall let much needed sleep guide me to rest for now and in so doing, send you 39 1/2 hugs and kisses at this mid point in Week 39 of your ascendency 'UP'...  Please give Dad my enduring love and know you are constantly present in my heart, mind and soul ~

From 'down here' until ...

I love you Forever, blessed Momma ~

 Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx+1/2

March 27, 2014

Dearest Momma ~

Please accept my apologies for being absent last week with paper and pen.  You are constantly in my thoughts and conversation, and ever more so when listening/watching the Mass, deeply embedded in my prayer's ...

There has been a terrible tragedy 'down here' regarding the deeply mysterious and tragic disappearance of a 777 jet airplane in a country called Malaysia, which was flying from the capital city, Kuala Lampur, to Beijing in China, at night ... There were 239 people including airline crew on board which the governments and even military of at least 20 nations upon this Earth are now combing the ocean's (and land) to locate this plane, which as of this writing has been missing for over 18+ days.   It is a traumatic nightmare for every family member and friend of each passenger who was on board.  The wondering and continuous theories of those very informed experts in aviation ( all of whom seem absolutely stumped by a sincere lack of knowledge as to the airplane's whereabouts) is mind boggling ... My heart breaks for the loved ones of every person who took this Malaysian Airlines ill-fated flight, MH-370 ~

Where you are, dearly missed Momma, "things" no longer occur like this.  We are assured that Heaven holds no more tears nor sorrows.  That it is God's Place.  Knowing you are there with your beloved Ralph and longly mourned Mother, Father, brother and sister, including Ardelle and so many great musicians of the ages, gives great comfort when tears of grief come over me. Seeing your picture when you first married Dad and were about to present your first public piano recital in Grand Forks, North Dakota, in 1941, is a blessing every day ...  You had this wonderfully life-like photograph reproduced years ago for Mike and me to enjoy.   Rest assured, I look at your picture many times each day!  

Momma, you were the BEST!  In fact, the BEST of THE BEST!!  How very proud and honoured I am to be your daughter ~

The longer we are separated by this mystery called "Death", the more I miss your Earthly presence . Many times I will start to think, "I must tell Momma about this", only to suddenly catch myself and realise I cannot tell you.   This is an awful feeling.    A close friend told me recently that "Elisabeth, you not only lost your Mother, but you lost your anchor in Life"...  This truth hurts, and continues to do so, dear Momma.  One is forced to review one's entire life from the beginning to That Day, June 19, 2013, of your transition 'Up', now 38 Weeks ago, on This tDay, March 26, 2014 ~

It is the middle of the night but I awakened and felt upset.  This Note of Remembrance is being written to not only say Hello, but to feel closer to you in so doing.  Please visit me in more of my dreams, dearest Momma, and instruct me as to my steps on this new and  foreboding Life path as it is all too new and completely unknown ...  We both miss you and speak about you non stop.  "Doggie" always refers to you as 'Mother' ...  How beautiful!  You touched his entire being, heart and soul.  Thank you, Momma, for your love which endures ever brightly in our hearts, always ~

Please give Dad my love; surely he must know he lives in my heart always...

For the moment, I send you 38 Kisses and untold fathoms of unwavering love from across the invisible "boundaries" of time and space.  You and Dad lreside in the glistening light' of God ~

Slowly Letting go ~ 

Your Lizzie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dearest Momma ~

It is late and due to need for much rest yesterday, March 12, 2014, I plead guilty for not having sent you a Note of Remembrance on the 36th Week anniversary of your ascent "UP" to Dad and God in Heaven ...  

Please know without a trace of doubt, I thought of you all day, and no matter how one rested and kept abreast of a serious tragedy in aviation which looks more and more like a horrific jet airplane disaster with at least 259 crew and passengers aboard, I could not stop remembering 36 weeks ago early in the morning of June 19th, 2013, when I received the worst news of my life ~ your exit from Earth to Heaven ...  It was Mike who rang me in at least a one octave lower voice, such was his shocked and disbelieving intonation whilst conveying the tragic acknowledgement we had just lost you, our beloved Mom ...  How, dearest Momma, do I go on now?  How do I gather up strength amidst such debilitating sorrow and utter despair, to go ahead to a musical life after losing you?  A dear friend of mine (and yours) in London, just wrote that you and Dad would want me to continue playing and teaching to give "to the world your wonderful musical gifts."  He said he and "those others who care deeply about you are most distressed seeing you so upset."  

Feeling the weight of the world upon my shoulder's without your presence on Earth, dearest Momma, please come to visit in my dreams and tell me if you wish me to play more concerts and teach some more, okay?  I realise more and more you were not only my Mother, but the very root of my life and anchor of such. Your absence upon Earth leaves a huge hole in my being and a sort of hopeless feeling which is seemingly trying to overtake any dreams I still have ...

Some very kind people have told me to "let the tears of grief come so you can feel these feelings of loss.  You need to allow the natural grieving process happen instead of suppressing your sorrow."  So, dear Momma, whom I loved being with and taking care of, I am giving in to grief.  It is a dark time but most necessary if I am to heal in some sort of way.  Please don't be frustrated by my temporary inertia, Please understand, okay?  

One thing is for sure: we shall be together again when God wants me 'Up There' with you and Poppa.  

You know what!  I still remember being in hospital with you when just a tiny tot.  I can see that in my mind's eye ~ from the almost beginning of our lives together!  Not knowing why, I have had memory pictures of this throughout my entire life.  We started out my tiny life together, and "Doggie" told me just awhile ago before going back to his place, "your Mother is always here with you.  She is everywhere, and truly with you ..."  How lovely!   Please feel most welcome to visit my thoughts, heart and mind any time you wish!  I'm always waiting to hear and see you in the landscapes of my dreams ...

It is time to say "Nighty Night", dearest Momma, with a prayer for peaceful sleep.  Sending you and Dad all my love and gratitude for our eternal connection, accept 36 Hugs and Kisses for now ~

Your Lizzie  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OBITUARY

Betty Matesky

October 23, 1919 – June 19, 2013

Acacia Memorial Park & Funeral Home

Show your support

Add a Memory

Share Obituary

Get Reminders

Services