Our dear beloved mother, mother in law, grandmother, aka, “ma”, and great grandmother, Tang, Ny Ung. Her birth name was Oum, Sommi. I, Chou Sa-Ngoun, her youngest daughter, will write to the best of my knowledge what I’ve learned and witnessed from my mother, her life story.
My dear mom was born in a small village in Khaw Keo, Katkondale, Cambodia. Her parents were Tha Oum and Yeay Koung. She has three other siblings, which includes, two sisters and a brother. My mom was the youngest out of the four of them. Being the youngest, she was never allowed to do much of anything including going to school. Her parents felt that if she did get educated, she would learn how to write love letters to boys. She was always home with her parents. Her father was a priest to their local temple. Her mother was a house wife. Her older brother had became a monk at their local temple. He then was killed during the Khmer Rouge while being a monk. Her two sisters got married and lived their lives away from home.
My mom was still living with her parents until the age of 18, when her parents married her off to my late father, Chiu, Siem Kouy back in 1960s. My father was a widower in his 40s with a daughter while doing business between China and Cambodia, when he met my mom.
They had four children of their own, with only three are currently living. The oldest son, Jeff Chiu, with two daughters, second daughter, Tieng Chartier with two children, a third was a son that had been born and passed away the next day with uncontrollable high fever. He was not given a name and the fourth is me, Chou Sa-Ngoun and I have three children. "MA" has total of seven grand children and a great grand daughter, "Nami", aka Baby BoBo. Many more grandchildren and great grandchildren back home in Cambodia from her sisters' children. She currently have total of seven nieces and nephews that are living in Cambodia that we had verified to be the true blood related children to my late aunts, Oum Sommai and Oum Sommek. Through social media, we’ve been able to stay connected up to date.
My parents had lived a normal life trying to makes ends meets by running their own a small convenient store/ cafe in the city of Phnom Penh. They were always busy day and night serving their customers while trying to raised their children at the same time.
My mom would travel back and forth between her home in the city and her hometown in the village visiting my grandparents with my brother. Her last visit was when she was pregnant with my sister. She was in her last week in the third trimester. My grandmother told her to stay and have baby there at Srey Dae Dowt, so she can take care of her. Soon after, she gave birth to a baby girl on a Tuesday. That was how my sister got her name.
Once my dad heard that my mom had given birth, he came and took my mom along with my siblings back to their home in the city. He told my grandparents that he would like to take his family back to care for my wife. By her staying there in the village, the food is not as good as the city food to feed his family. That was the last time that my mom had seen her parents before the war separated them.
My mom had just given birth to me during the early 1970s when rumors broke out that war was going to take place. Soon after, the war indeed took place. Due to this, she had never made it back to her hometown to be with her family. So the news of her having another child never got across. The war had separated her further and further away from one city to another far away from her family and hometown.
When the war broke out, my mom had told me, that my dad was wonderful husband and father who was always trying to find ways to provide food and shelter for his family during that hardship time. He soon passed away right after the war had ended from exhaustion and feverish. Before he passed, he had told my mom to "remarry". My mom had told him that "no, she will not remarry. Until her last breath, my mom had kept her word and never remarried. That’s loyalty.
After the death of my dad, my mom’s raised us with the help from my step sister and her husband, my brother in law. My mom's life had always been living in fear. Fear that she might do something wrong. Didn’t have much of the saying on anything goes in the family. I can remember asking her why she didn’t do anything about how she was treated. Her response was, “let people that treat me bad, carry that with them”. Just keep doing good deed."
My mother was the most quiet, very sweet person I've ever met. She hardly speaks, but smile a lot. She may not have much money or had gotten any education, but she still treats everyone with the same level of respect, regardless of your status in life, rich or poor, black or white. If anyone have a disagreement with her about something, she would look at that person, give the look that she don't care kind of look, and walk away.
Back in those days, my family have no documentation of our birth or any of our identity information. So each of us had a name that was known by family members only. For instance, my brother name was “Dee”, which in Chinese, this was called by my dad. My sister’s was Tuesday because she was born on a Tuesday and of course me, being to last one, was called “Touch”, which means "Small".
Under our step sister’s care, prior us coming to America back on April 22nd 1982. We had been given a made up name and a date of birth by her and my brother in law. This was for us to be a legal citizen with proper identity for documentation to come to America. Each one of us had to memorized our own identity so when we get ask we would answer correctly.
Our legal names that were given to us were, for my mom, Tang, Ny Ung with date of birth 11/1/1935. My brother was Kokheng Chia Ung and his date of birth 06/06/1968? My sister’s was Seaktieng Chia Ung with date of birth 05/05/1970. Mine was Seakchou Chia Ung and my date of birth is 04/04/1973.
Since then, my siblings and I have changed our names, but had kept the birth date.
Our first place we stayed when we first arrive in America was in this two bed rooms apartment located in Beacon Hill area. The one room would go to my step sister and her husband. The other room was shared between by my mom, sister and I. My brother got the living room. A couple years after, we moved into a house in Tukwila. It was a bigger space for all of us. My siblings had their own room, while my mom and I shared a room.
Around 1986, my mom and I had left the family to live on our own. We had rented a one bedroom apartment in Mt Baker in Seattle. I can remember seeing how happy and peaceful my mom was. She was able to live freely and in peace with herself.
Can recall mom's favorite Tv shows were, "Three companies and The Golden Girls". Her favorite cartoon character was "Kermit, the frog". Not to mention, her favorite pop band group was "Tears for Fears" with her favorite song, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World". She didn't understand much of the lyrics but just the music that she likes from when I asked her why she likes them. lol
My mom and I went through so much together since we departed from our family. We’ve been there for each other through thick and thin. She was there more for me than I was for her. She had provided her free daycare for my children while I was either in school or at work. She would cooks and clean for us all. Through the years, it had always been her and I. I can't say enough how much she meant to me and my children. I wouldn't made it this far without her help.
So in return to show my gratitude, I've tried my best to make sure that she was taken care of. Had taken her on a few family trips which includes Cambodia a few times, Hawaii for my sister's wedding and a cruise to Cozumel Mexico. She had also gone back to Cambodia on her own a couple of times to visit my oldest son, Michael, at the time who was a monk living in Cambodia.
Once my youngest son had turned five and was in school, mom had let me know that she would like to live on her own. I had applied a one bedroom adult family place for her. After seeing her living alone, I had suggested that she goes to the temple to meet new people her age and learn Dhamma.
She had stayed between her own place and the temple for a couple of years. Then I decided to have her give up her place so she can be surrounded by people in case something happens to her. She was able to go back and forth with living with me and at the temple.
"MA" had done many good deeds in her life. She had donated a lot of her time and money to many temples not only here in America but also back home in Cambodia. Her times spend at the temple, will never be forgotten by many of her friends. She was known for her always keeping herself busy in the kitchen cleaning and doing the dishes. Always helping out with preparing food for the monks. She enjoyed so much of her time there.That was one of her favorite place to be along with spending family times with her children and grand children on occasions.
Prior to her being diagnosed with stroke in December 04, 2014, my mom had been searching for her sister and her family from the Khmer Rouge separations for many years. We thought at one point we have found them, but it turns out to be falsely misled by a very cruel person who pretended to be her only nephew that was still alive, according to his statement to confirm to my mom at the first visit we took to Cambodia.
After sending countless amount of money which we thought it would go to my mom’s sister, it went to the wrong hand. During that time, my mom would refuse to spend a dime on herself instead she would save and send to her sister. She said that her sister needs it more than she does. My mom’s generosity goes so far that’s it unbelievable to discovered that another human being could be so cold hearted to separate family. Had heard that this person had died from a burning house.
During the time of my mom had been diagnosed with the stroke, her prayer was answered. We had learned from my youngest son, Prenz, who was a monk at the time living in Cambodia, had help verify that her relatives were all still alive except her sister who had passed away shortly. Everyone had lived in the same place as like they never left the province. After receiving the news, I had asked mom's PCP if she would approve for my mom to travel oversea for three weeks. I was told that she would not recommended because it would be too hard with my mom's condition. I appreciated the recommendation, but took upon myself to take my mom to meet her family. It had been 45 years since she had seen her family. It might be too late for her to see her sister who had passed away already. But not too late for her to see the rest of those that are still alive. That was the least I could do for her. She had suffered so much mentally. Every day, she was praying to see them once more before her time had end. For the next three years, I'd took my mom back to Cambodia to be with her family. Her wish had been granted.
Due to some circumstances, I had to placed her under a rehabilitation facility for about a year and a half. I remember her saying me that I would just leave her there to die and not visiting her. No, that was not the case, I would bring her dinner every night after work and spend time with her six days a week and my sister would go on Sunday. I would do her laundry and keep her hair nice and clean. I would make sure that she get a proper shower.
Due to Coronavirus, the visitation had been banned. I was not allow to go in and feed her homemade meals anymore. I would do face time from time to time, letting her know that I was not abandoning her. That there was a disease that had been killing lots people and is very contagious. To keep her and everyone safe that I was not allowed to enter into the building. When it was allowed, I would send up visits with the family to come and visit with her through a window glass. Then, there were times, where we were allowed to visit with her coming outside with 6ft social distance, to see her. Then things have changed again, like the smoke in the air was not healthy for a visit, so that got banned. Then another breakout took placed, and another banned from visiting. Soon, after things started to slow down, and visits were allowed again, the cold and rainy weather came. Not wanting her to get sick, we just continue to face time again.
Then on November 1, 2020, we, her children along with some grand children, celebrated her 85th birthday outside in the cold sunny weather with a cake.
Not too long after that, I got a call informing me that my mom has lost a significate amount of weigh, 10lbs to be exact with in two weeks from the last time I saw her. I was told that her appetite had decreased. They ran up tests. While they were in the midst of trying to figure out what was really causing her losing appetite, she continue to loss the weigh that she barely had to begin with. I had tried dropping off home made food, that didn't help much. This was going on until December 15th, when I got a call informing me that there was a staff member that had tested positive. I was told that they had tested my mom twice and she was negative. Two days after that, I received another call letting me know that there are now eight positives patients. Right there and then, December 17th, is when I decided to removed her from the facility and take her home. I had to sign some paper to have her be release "against medical advice". My sister and I had arranged a place for her at the last minute.
Once we got her settled staying at my sister's house, I had made an appointment to have her f/u with her primary care provider the following Tuesday. December 22, 2020, trying to have her under hospice care. Unfortunately, that didn't happened. she was admitted to the hospital for dehydration for five days. Then was discharged December 27th 2020. She was doing fine, not able to eat as much but she was a bit energetic then prior going into the hospital.
About three weeks after the being out of the hospital the first time, I had to take her back in again on January 19th, 2021, due to dehydration and no appetite. This time around it more intense. Having a very hard time finding her vein to put the needle in for IV fluids. After seeing her go through all that, I had the doctor to run all tests, ultrasound, x ray or CT scan or whatever needs to be done to find out what is really going on with her.
While there at the hospital, she was still not eating. Only the IV fluid help her to have some energy. The doctor called and gave me three options to make the decision on my mom's behalf. One, I can keep on taking her in to get poke trying to find her vein to get IV fluid in her, which is torturing her. Two, she can be on a tube feeding, which is not going to prolong her life span. Third and final is, just let her live her life until whenever it's her time to go. As her POA, daughter, it was a very hard decision to make. To save her from being torture any more, I chose the last options. I've discussed these options prior to me making my decision, with my siblings of course. We all agreed. She was discharged second and last time from being in the hospital on January 24, 2021.
For the next month or so, I had to make the best of what time I had left with my mom. Making sure everyone is aware the time frame we have left with her. On Saturday February 20th, 2021, we, her children, grand children, great grand child, along with close friends and five monks, celebrated her life. She was very happy to witnessed. Lots of food and excitements surrounding her. This was her last wish that she had ask from me, was to have a celebration with her love ones around. I’ve tried to fulfill all of her wishes. I believe she knew that it had been all fulfilled.
A week following that celebration, as I was following the time frame of her passing from hospice, things continue to go down hill for her. Days turn into hours from this point on. The hospice nurse started to come by on a every other day basis just to check on her heart. We were told that her passing was on the right track. At this point, grand kids started to spend the nights here and there. Brother and his family came every day. My sister and I continue to work our normal shifts. Then we would sleep with her in the her room so we won't missed her last breath as well as to make sure that she was comfortable, which was the most important. It was the hardest thing to witness every day after coming home from work, see my mom's fighting for a breath each time. I felt so helpless that there was nothing that I can do but to watch her leaving her family slowly.
Dhamma chanting had been playing since the day she came home and continue until her last breath. As soon as she took her last breath, I had stopped it. Us kids and grandkids watched her leave us peacefully like she just went to sleep.
On Saturday, February 27th, 2021 at 1:14am, our beloved mother, mother in law, grand mother, great grand mother, a wonderful friend to many of those lives that she had touched, Ms. Tang, Ny Ung had left this world from "natural cause" was cause of death. She was no longer suffering. Had gone to a better and peaceful place. She had left behind many heartaches and sorrows behind. The worse part to all of this was that her body had stop receiving food but with very little liquids for the last three weeks of her life. Putting her in a weak position. So she left this world with an empty stomach.
In our religion, the only way for our love ones who passed away to receive any food or goods that want them to receive is through monks, lay men or lay women.
Mom, I pray that you have received full of food and goods that your children and grandchildren have been offered to the monks since the day you had passed. We will continue to make more offers when time allow.
You will be missed dearly by many and will never be forgotten. Please forgive me if in this biography, if I left out or misinterpret any way.
RIP my beloved mother!
Respectfully with love, your daughter,
Chou Sa-Ngoun and the rest of the family!
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