John C. Lam

Born in New York, NY to Man-Yee Leung Wong and the late Harry Wing Kwong Lam, he would go on to serve his country proudly first in the US Navy and later in the US Army. John was a highly decorated veteran whose career spanned over 25 years. As a civilian, John worked as an IT specialist for various media, medical and insurance companies.

Beloved husband of Doris Ow-Lam; loving father of Amanda Lam, John also leaves behind Jadie, the family’s cherished pet dog. John was embraced as a member of the Mah, Lum and Yee family, and was a son to Regina and Gin Yee, and brother to Michael, Donna and Steven Mah. In addition, John was welcomed into the hearts and families of Stephen DiRaimondo, Evelyn (“Grandma”) Savold, Mr. and Mrs. James Nelson and Brian Cote. John was committed to enduring relationships with his family and an extensive network of dear friends and service members.

Visitation for John will be held at Mack Memorial Home, 1245 Paterson Plank Road, Secaucus, NJ on Sunday, March 8, from 2:00 to 6:00 pm. A Funeral Mass will take place at Immaculate Conception Roman Catholic Church, Secaucus, NJ on March 9, 2026, at 10:45 am. Burial to follow at East Ridgelawn Cemetery, Clifton, NJ.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in John’s memory to the VA New Jersey Health Care System (VANJHCS) to the Lyons Campus Palliative Care Division. See "Donations" link below.

Eulogy for John C. Lam, delivered March 9, 2026 at the Immaculate Conception Roman Catholic Church, Secaucus, NJ.

Good morning. I’m John‘s older brother Michael. Welcome.

Our mom recently told me that Johnny, this child of immigrants, was named after John F. Kennedy Jr. So when people referred to Johnny when he was a little boy, they often called him John John. After an “American prince.”

I told Johnny during one our private bedside talks that when my son David was a little 3 year-old boy, I used to say to him, “Thank you for picking me to be your dad.” David calmly replied, “You’re welcome.”

I also repeated that with Johnny saying, “Thank you for picking us to be your family.”

You see, Johnny had a really rough start. When he came into our family he resembled the character in the book, “The Hungry Caterpillar.” My sister Donna reminded me of that story in describing how we experienced him.

The story goes, “One night a little egg lied on a leaf. On an early Sunday morning a tiny and very hungry caterpillar hatched and immediately began searching for food. He ate an apple on Monday, two pears on Tuesday, three plums on Wednesday, four strawberries on Thursday, and five oranges on Friday.

The caterpillar was always hungry. On Saturday he ate chocolate cake, ice cream, a pickle, a slice of cheese, and a cupcake. The caterpillar got a stomach ache from overeating.

The following Sunday the caterpillar relieved his stomach ache by eating a green leaf. Then the big fat caterpillar built a cocoon around himself and rested. After two weeks he nibbled a hole from the inside and pushed his way out, emerging as a large, multicolored butterfly.

Johnny is now that butterfly, and he finally got his wings.

One morning, when we had some private moments I stroked his head and said, “Hey dude. How well did you sleep?”

He said “Good, I dreamt that I was riding my bike.”

I assured him that he certainly would be not only riding his bike, but also flying, after finally being freed from this prison of his broken ALS body. I told him I was a little jealous, that he’d be able to fly while I still needed my little Piper airplane.

I also said that I was only a half step behind him when you consider the short blip of our lives in the millennia of time. We’re all going there. I told him that I was jealous that he was going to get to see our dad before I did.

Johnny replied, “When it’s your time, I promise I’ll come back for you and bring dad.” I said, “You’d better…”

But as that hungry caterpillar, what was Johnny so hungry for? Let me tell you. He came into this world with what the Buddhists teachers often describe as “a sacred wound.” In his case it was a hole that seemingly could not be fulfilled. He was insatiably hungry for family and belonging. Not surprising given the rough start he had with his family of birth.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs,” describes a layer as one that talks about the “need for intimate family relationships, love, and friends.”

For that, Johnny was insatiable.

But what I found during the last year of his dying took my breath away. I learned of all the different families that Johnny embraced and created for himself with Doris and Amanda. He had not just our family, but also his military family. Other family, like Steve Diraimondo, Brian Cote, the Nelson Family/ Mary and Jim and so many more cherished friends.

Family would extend itself to the loving and caring medical staff at the East Orange VA and Lyons VA hospice. All these families came together as one giant, extended Johnny Lam Family.

Helping someone with ALS in the process of dying was indeed very hard, but I was reminded of that song from the Book of Hollies, which my other brother Steven and I sang one day while leaving hospice. “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.”

https://youtu.be/eUWZqbumaZo?si=ZU3OLrDYF3TUXBXb

I’d like to leave you now though, with quotes from the Book of Matthew.

In that gospel Jesus said, “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Everyone here answered that call.

Please remember Johnny by also cherishing your own family and the people you love, every single day. That is what brings meaning to our lives, going forth with connection, compassion, and love. That is the message of Johnny’s life.

Thank you for coming.