When one thinks of my mom, words that come to mind are sweet, kind, soft spoken, and a true lady. My mom was not chatty; she was very modest, and I think there was a part of her and her history that few people got to know. Mom was a fairly traditional woman; her life was all about family. But when I look back at her life history, I realize that she endured so much, she was such a brave woman, and in some ways, she really was ahead of her time. So I thought you might be interested in hearing a little bit about her story.
Mom was born in the Dadaocheng district of Taipei which was a bustling river-port community where the key industry was the export of tea. And interestingly enough, one can find tea houses designed with both western and eastern architectural elements combined in the facade. It’s kind of symbolic of the latter part of my mom’s life, which straddled eastern and western cultures.
My mother’s biological family, the Lu’s, ran a successful tea packaging business. But at the time she was born in 1931, the Taiwanese considered boys to be good luck and giving up girls for adoption cleared the way for more good fortune to come into the family. Even inheritance was only passed on to the sons. As a toddler she was adopted by the Wang family who raised her along with two other sisters who still reside in Taipei today. This was all considered normal and my mom remained connected and very close with some of her biological siblings.
My mom’s childhood marked the end of a half century of Japanese occupation of Taiwan. She excelled in school which was run by the Japanese. She graduated with what would be the equivalent of a junior high diploma, which at the time was typical for a girl’s education. And out of that, she learned to read and write four languages - Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, her native Taiwanese, and lastly, English. You could say we grew up speaking Chin-glish with some Japanese expressions thrown in for good measure.
When my mom was 18, her father arranged for her to be married to Mr. Chang Chao-Han. My mom described him as handsome and a Chinese national, which meant that he had some money. When things didn’t work out with this first marriage, she filed for divorce in 1954, which was fairly uncommon back in those days. With her independent spirit, she then raised my eldest brother, Saie, as a working single mom. Her first job, which I remember she loved, was in the ticket booth of a theater where they featured Hollywood movies. She loved the movies and it was always tough scrolling through Netflix to find a film that she hadn’t already seen.
My mom eventually took a job as a nanny and household manager for an American diplomatic family, the Osbournes, whom she grew to love and respect like family. Through the Osbournes, she ultimately met my father, Charles Bass, in the late ‘60s. They were married in April of 1969, and you can imagine how, at that time, interracial relationships were very rare. But my mom was an independent thinker, and I believe that she thought of these early years with my dad as some of the most fun she had in her life. She was a generous friend, and through my dad had access to shopping at the army PX, where she could purchase what was considered luxury goods at the time like chocolate and steaks for their friends. She loved to reminisce about the big parties they would host in their Kaohsiung house and the fun they had at the American Club Taipei, where I have some of my earliest childhood memories with my mom swimming, bowling, and having dinner in the banquet hall.
When the time came for my dad to return to Texas, my mother was 47 years old, and she made the decision to uproot us and make the move overseas. She left behind her entire community, a lifetime of friends and family, to give us the opportunity to grow up in the United States. What courage that must have taken and what a sacrifice she made for us.
When we were in school, my mom really emphasized education. She could have easily coined the phrase, “Tiger Mom”. If I got a 98 on an exam, she would say, “Why didn’t you get a 100”? I remember being thrilled to be second chair in district band, and her response was, “Why didn’t you get first?”. These days, it may sound harsh, but this was just normal and I think I turned out okay. My mom simply set very high standards. As a homemaker, she took such good care of all of us. I have a friend who fondly remembers her making piles of delicious eggrolls for us and another friend who remembers how mom always made us eat breakfast. She was also talented at sewing and tailored beautiful little outfits for each of my dolls, all with a different style. It was always hard to start eating dinner because we couldn’t get her to sit down, she was always busy making everything just right. She was the best mother anyone could wish for.
In her later years, when we all finally left the house, mom had much more time to do the things she enjoyed. She really loved to travel, mostly to Vegas, but she also enjoyed cruises, Japan, Europe, and trips back to Taiwan to visit old friends and family. She had such strength and stamina, and one of her favorite pastimes was playing all night rounds of mah-jong with her best friends. And finally, there was nothing more she enjoyed than treating friends and family to big meals where she always ordered far more than we could eat. She really spoiled us.
For years as my mom grew older, Saie would often suggest that she move in with him as is Chinese custom, but she always said that she didn’t want to burden anyone, and that she wanted to live independently for as long as she could. This week, a close friend of mine recalled a story about my mom, and described her in a way that I thought was just right - “For such a dainty, sweetheart of a woman, she could be fierce”. Mama, I couldn’t agree more.
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