Helping Children Through Funerals: A Compassionate Guide for Parents
A funeral acknowledges loss, offers a space to honor a loved one, and allows family and friends to support one another. Children deserve these same opportunities. When they’re included, they learn that grief is not something to hide from—it’s a natural part of life and a time when love is remembered and shared.
Preparing your child for a funeral
Whether a child should attend a funeral rests with the parents or guardians who know them best. The child’s age, maturity, the closeness of the relationship and prior experiences with loss all play a role in the decision.
If a child will be attending a service, preparation is key. Explain in simple, age-appropriate language what will happen and why. Share what the funeral means to your family—spiritual significance, cultural tradition or simply a way to say goodbye. Reassure your child that it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions, and that you’ll be by his or her side throughout the service.
The question of an open casket
If the funeral involves an open casket, talk to your child ahead of time about what they may see. Explain gently that their loved one may look different and that the person will not move or feel the same.
Give your child a choice. Some may want to stand back, while others may feel comforted by approaching, looking closely or even touching their loved one. Whatever they choose is okay. Allowing them to decide gives them agency in a difficult moment.
“When my Mom passed I was merely 13. Even as a teen I could feel the compassion and genuine care for those involved and the willingness to go above and beyond to make every step of the way, as easy as it possibly could be. When my brother passed suddenly and there were small children who attended, the staff asked if I’d like the children to be able to write and draw on the casket and it’s my most treasured memory to date! The staff made the whole process flawless!” —Tara C.
Guidance by age
Every child grieves differently, but developmental stages influence how children understand and cope with loss. Here are some considerations by age group:
Infants (up to 12 months)
Babies may bring comfort to others but can also be distracting if they become restless. If the family hasn’t asked for their presence, it may be easier to arrange childcare so you can be fully present.
Toddlers (1 to 3 years)
Busy and unpredictable, toddlers may be unable to sit through a service. If they attend, bring quiet activities, snacks and a plan to step out if needed. Some funeral homes provide family rooms that can be helpful.
Young children (4 to 6 years)
At this age, children may not fully grasp the permanence of death, but they often want to participate. Bring simple activities to keep them calm, but also give them space to say goodbye in their own way.
Older children (7 to 9 years)
These children are beginning to understand that death is final. They may have many questions, and honest answers help. Some find comfort in leaving a drawing, letter or small keepsake with their loved one. Staying nearby and offering breaks can help them feel supported.
Preteens (10 to 12 years)
Preteens may struggle to express their emotions openly. Funerals surround them with caring family members, even if they prefer quiet reflection. Encourage conversation before and after the service, and let them know that grief doesn’t have to look one particular way.
Teenagers (13 to 18 years)
Teens typically understand death intellectually but may wrestle with big emotions—anger, sadness or even guilt. Attending a funeral can give them an important role in the family’s mourning. Invite them to participate in ways that feel right, such as helping select photos for a slideshow, reading a poem or being a pallbearer. Respect their need for space while staying available for support.
“I also appreciated the staff paying special attention to my children, showing them the ‘secret snack stash,’ and making sure they were comforted and part of the celebration of life.” —Katie L.
Supporting your child during and after a funeral
Whatever their age, children benefit from the steady presence of caring adults. Sit with your child, answer his or her questions and validate his or her emotions. Remind your child that there’s no “right” way to grieve. Tears, silence, even laughter are all normal.
After the funeral, continue the conversation. Encourage your child to share memories, create a keepsake or participate in family traditions of remembrance. These small acts help children feel included and reassured that their grief is seen and shared.
Final thoughts
Funerals aren’t easy, but they are powerful moments of connection, comfort and healing. Children, like adults, need the chance to say goodbye, to be supported and to have their loss acknowledged. By preparing them with honesty and compassion, and by walking with them through the rituals of mourning, you help them take important steps toward healing while surrounded by love.